[honey2019]

So, my husband is currently addicted to cocaine and alcohol. He hides and lies about most of this so I don’t know the full extent I just know he is horrible right now. He has always had a nasty streak and used to use recreationally which often coincided with spitting, shouting, going through my phone, and laughing and mocking me when I got upset with him. Then he’d be super nice. Then it would happen again. Over the last two years the addiction has taken hold. He is now frequently abusive and the spitting and emotional abuse has developed to two episodes in particular where he has choked me and slammed my head on the steering wheel while j was driving. With our kids in the car. He owns our house and has told me I have to leave if I am to divorce him and rent somewhere, saying that he will pay maintenance but he can’t hold a job down so I know he won’t pay. We have three kids. After the car incident I decided enough was enough and in a state I called the police and reported him for domestic violence. He was arrested and as part of his bail conditions he is not allowed to the house. I feel very mixed up about this and not sure what I want to do going forward. His family all hate me now for reporting him. I have 28 days to decide whether or not I want to press charges and then I have to decide whether I should leave or not. He’s not said sorry. Last time he strangled me he totally minimised the seriousness of it saying I was overreacting. He didn’t say sorry. I started to wonder if I was overreacting. His family junk I am obviously. He hasn’t said sort this time nor has he tried to see his kids. I’m so distraught. He hates me but I haven’t done anything wrong. Sure I shouted at him which I feel he thinks justifies throttling me. Just came on here for a bit of support really. I love and miss him but the thought of pressing charges fills me with dread. Will he ever recover? He’s in total denial.

[dfh]

Just seen this. You want the truth from someone who has been there? Leave, take your kids and leave. Do not stay. You will get help financially in benefits and emotional support from women’s aid who are amazing.

He is not worth this, and if you stay you end up worse off. Social services WILL get involved and you will be forced to choose him or them. Get out while you can. I’d you need any info or support just let me know. Please stay safe x

[deedee]

I agree you need to leave. If he is violent while on drugs he could do worse next time . He wont seek help until he admits he has a problem and wants to stop. My boyfriend has been addicted to coke for about 5 years he is trying to stop but it’s not going to be easy. He has stopped drinking and that has improved things as he was horrible when he had used and drank. Luckily we don’t have kids but u need to leave for their sake as well as yours

[honey2019]

I know I do. At present he is not allowed near me. I’m not sure whether to pursue the charges or drop them. He hasn’t apologised for his behaviour. His family are mad at me for reporting him and that alone seems enabling. He contacted me this evening and I asked him if he was going to apologise. He completely dismissed what happened and said ‘what are you on about’ as though he was confused. He shows zero remorse. That alone has driven me to make he decision to leave. At least if he was remorseful I could see that he sees the error of his ways but ultimately this relationship is abusive and I have been blind to it before getting help

[rani123]

Please I beg you leave this man ,don’t go back to him. Iv left my abusive horrible ex husband who is addicted to cocaine and alcohol. I lost everything because of him .. took loans out paid his debts off to take stress off his head nothing worked he still sniffed cocaine still drank alcohol still smoked marijuana and was still going out and turning his phones off disappearing for nights . Then apologising and crying and promising never to do it again and how much he regrets it.

[icarus-trust]

I’m really sorry to read what you’ve been through recently because of your husband’s addiction.I’m glad to hear that you have been in touch with the domestic abuse team and that he is not allowed to see you right now. It must be hard that his family are not supporting you but please keep safe for your three children as well as yourself!

You might like to talk with one of our trained and experienced people at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that gives support to people dealing with the addictions of a partner. May be talking would help you to see how to go forward.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrst.org

All the very best and please keep safe.

[administrator]

Thanks for sharing your story and we’re very sorry to hear of your difficult situation and experiences you have had.

For information and advice you can phone the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. This line is free and confidential and is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Furthermore if you ever feel you are in immediate danger you should ring 999.

Please do get in touch with Adfam at admin@adfam.org.uk if you had any further questions about other services you might be able to contact.

Best wishes,

Adfam

[Author]

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