[darryl]

I’ve been going down hill for years, always thought I had control but I’ve lost it.

I lost a father to drug addiction and now I’m occasionally doing any drug I can get my hands on. Cocaine has turned me into someone I’m not. My business has slowed and I find myself stressed out all the time going back to the same things Ive never seriously considered quitting until now.

I give myself excuses to rationalize it.

I find sex is better on it, I’m pretty sure I’ve developed another addiction with help from another, now I associate drugs with sex. Its ruined me I’ve done things I would never do sober and I feel ashamed.

I constantly beat myself up from the guilt.

I’ll get cravings when I drink so I think drinking is likely a factor is.

Cocaine brings out another side of me I want to forget about fast before I

overdose or hurt myself. I’m scared I cant stop. I have 2 drug dealers minutes from house, it’s like a drug drive through almost to easy to get. I would love to just quit but I’m having trouble doing so.

I wanna be normal and happy but I just cant seem to maintain life without drugs

Any help or advice is appreciated

[gemlou]

Hi, you sound exactly like my partner he like this & I’ve found out he’s been on swingers websites messaging other woman I’m absolutely devastated. Please get some help as you can’t do this on your own can you start on a new hobby? Excersise gives off good feelings do you do anything like this? I really hope your manage to do this

[darryl]

Thanks for the reply, I’ve never recieved any help due to pride and denial.

I just am now finally realizing I cant do it by myself. I feel my relationship has suffered cause I stopped caring about us.

Caring only about my needs when I’m high. Cocaine is a selfish drug that’s made me a selfish individual. I think it blocks your ability to feel compassion for others. I’ve taken years to realize this but make no steps to change. I’m crying out with no help from my girlfriend, she just makes me feel like crap so I justify what I do when I’m high cause I cant talk to her without criticizing me, I want positive encouragement that I dont get.

I know she cares but calling me names only makes me feel worse. I want to forget about drugs but I feel she only thinks about herself when it comes to my addiction. Constantly asking if I’m on drugs makes me want them more.

I’ve explained this and I feel she doesnt care, because she continues the same questions. And in my mind I’m reminded of something I want to forget about.

She thinks talking about drugs will help me get off of them but it makes it worse. I already feel beaten up and broken down. Very viscous cycle. I’m going to start running again. I felt good when I did.

Hopefully I can get through this.

I wish you the best of luck with your husband I know it’s hard We care enough to search for advice so that’s a good start

[darryl]

Thanks

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