[brooke714]

I just left my boyfriend of 4 years due to his addiction to cocaine. I’ve been on here for the past couple years just reading and never posting much. We share a child together and he has another child from another relationship who I consider to be mine so this decision wasn’t easy. I found out my boyfriend was an addict a few days before finding out I was pregnant (my son is now 2). It all started when I found a bag of blow while sweeping our patio with a rolled up bill. I was livid as his daughter was 2 and a half at the time. He reassured me it was his friends and as upset as I was I had no reason to not believe him. I couldn’t get over that day something just didn’t sit right so a couple months later I snooped and found out he failed a drug test for work and that’s why he stopped working up north ( he told me he wanted to be around his child and me more) and a few days later I found out I was pregnant. I was confused and scared since I didn’t want to be a single mom but the more we talked the more I believed he wanted to change. It’s been an up and down ride with nothing but lies. I finally left last may and in aug he said he was going to get clean and do meetings. He was clean for 5 months and I moved back in when he was on month 3. Long story short he started drinking again in January and the drugs started happening right away. One night he didn’t come home (he’s done this before) but something felt off this time so I checked his phone records a few weeks later and found he had called an escort a few times. He denied everything but deep down I know the truth so I left again. He says he wants to get clean and I want to believe him but I can’t anymore. He said if I loved him I would of never left. He went from understanding as to why I left to now shifting blame saying I would still be by his side. As he’s saying this I’ve been getting messages from other girls saying he’s been trying to contact them. I’m confused why he is messaging me saying he wants to be a family but he’s doing this? Is this normal behaviour of an addict?

[roo1992]

Hi Brooke714

I hope you are well, I never write or comment on here like you I just read through and never comment. Reading this just made me think of my relationship that has been on and of for 9 years due to cocaine, I have finally had enough too! His addiction has got worse over the years to the point I found out he owes a ridiculous amount of money to drug dealers. I have given him chance after chance tried helping him but there is nothing to help them I think they want a normal life but they just can’t seem to do it it’s sad it’s like you loose that person when they are on a binge, with texting escorts I had exactly the same I don’t know if this is the drugs or what I went through his emails and found that he had signed up to a site with lady Boys ! I was fuming I couldn’t believe what I was seeing he had texts come through from Babestation and god knows what else I have always asked my self is this really the drugs If you love someone would you want to hurt the woman you love? But every time I have asked him why he does it he says when you on coke you don’t think straight and you do stupid things, but god knows I split with him this Sunday just gone as I just was sick of the promises and all the lies, I don’t know if you have noticed but just changes them they are constantly angry snappy and never enjoy anything it’s so sad but an addict will always be an addict the feeling and temptation will always be there he was off it for 3 years and was the loveliest person ever if three years wasn’t enough to stop him then obviously that feeling is always there and they have to control it. In the end you drive your self crazy because you never trust them after what you know and the lies they tell. The lies got so bad on the coffee table you could see lines and white bits I said you been doing it again then and would bareface lie to me knowing I was standing there in front of him with it on my finger. It’s never ending it really drags you down I have never felt so depressed and completely lost my self one day you just think enough is enough how ever much you love them ! I’m so sorry to hear about your situation you have kids so must be so hard I don’t have any but he has 2 by 2 different women one was before we met she stopped her seeing him and the other kid was born through our our relationship!! And is now 3 and she also stopped him seeing him. The lies the cheating the no money the aggressiveness all just gets worse I can’t believe I haven’t walked away sooner I am gutted as I want my own kids one day and feel like I have wasted my best years on that looser . I really do hope you figure out what’s best for you in the end I think you just realise that they never change and you just have to put your self and your kids first and think of your happiness but you will only do it when your ready trust me I have gone back so many times but feel so different this time, thinking of you as I know how hard and horrible things can be always here if you need to chat

[brooke714]

Thank you so much for the reply. I am so sorry you are also going through this. 9 years is such a long time I think you are so amazing for doing that. It’s so upsetting. Why do we give them

so many chances? I always see the best in everyone but I’m slowly believing that maybe I’m wrong. How are you? That must of been hard for you for him to have gotten clean for 3 years? I feel that makes it even harder to move on because you know they can do it but choose not to.

Yes, It is honestly so hard with kids. I just want to block him out of my life to move on but I can’t because of our son so I told him to only text or call if it’s about him but of course today I’m getting so many messages about how he loves me and can’t do life without me and let’s figure this out since we are a family messages which is so hard when before he was trying to blame me and it just breaks me because my family is my everything. If he would put in half the effort he does to cover up a lie I’d be back in a heartbeat but I don’t think he’s ready to be better and that’s hard for me. I am also here if you ever need anything! I glad you are feeling strong this time and I hope for the best for you!

[roo1992]

Hi Brooke how are you feeling today ? I really don’t know why we forgive them I think because we love the person they were before this horrible drug took them away from us and every day you try and fight for what you had.

I’m ok I feel lost and broken to be honest but I got to do this as I feel I am wasting so much of my time, and fed up with feeling so miserable all of the time.

Yes I can imagine how hard things must be for you especially with children involved I really do feel for you it’s so not fair on the kids or you.

I have had the exact same from him that he wants my help to be happy again but how many times can you keep doing it, and yes they always seem to blame us I think it’s because they know what they are doing is wrong and probably hate them selves for it but just want someone else to blame but it really is no ones fault but there own don’t ever blame your self! I hope your partner finds the strength to get help for you all I really know how hard it is though you take care hunni

[brooke714]

I’m so proud of you! All you can do is take it day by day right. I’m the same as well. I’ve decided I can’t ever be a family with him and I almost feel a sense of relief. I just hope he can get better for his kids. They need a healthy dad.

[danman83]

Hiya Brooke hope your OK.

I’m 106 days clean from coke today.

He did well to get for them months but he can never drink again really. Not if he wants to quit coke. Alcohol is the main trigger to get coke. Normally after months of being clean we tell ourselves.. We can have one drink, one will be OK, I won’t get any coke. But then everything just falls to pot.

I decided to join cocaine anonymous and I’m working the 12 steps and I have a sponsor. Not to sure if u know much about this. But step 4 is were we right down are resentments, fears and sexual conduct down. This can take a few week to do, and the resentments we have is a big part why we can use. Mine was my dad giving me a lot of emotional crap when I was younger. I’m not fully blaming him as we make our own choices. But it doesn’t help.

Anyway the escorts regarding your bf, cocaine can make you do seedy things, I could go on all day about it but I won’t. I cheated on my partner during being on coke.

If he’s still messaging girls and wants be a family. He could be still using coke. Do u still want to be with him while he’s doing this?

[brooke714]

Hi Dan! That is so amazing!! You must feel amazing, I can imagine it’s not easy. As far as I know he isn’t using anymore. When I drop my son off he has to do a drug test but I know that it would only show a day or two. I keep finding out about more escorts and on Friday he had one and he passed his drug test on Saturday so to know that he wasn’t on drugs while he paid for one has made me lose so much respect to the point that I’m done. I just can’t wrap my head around someone saying they’ll do anything to be a family again but be doing all this shady stuff. I will look into CA I actually haven’t heard of that! At this point I can only wish he can stay clean for his kids which I hope he can. Take care of yourself! 🙂

[danman83]

Thanks for that Brooke, hope your OK. It must not be nice finding all that out, and you do deserve better. My advice is you let him get on with his recovery, and you move on and be happy, and the next guy you meet ask if he does coke ???????? look after yourself ????

[brooke714]

Hahaha I tried that with this guy!! Before I gave him my number I asked if he was into any drugs and he said no he did it when he was younger ???? you take care of yourself too!!!

[68862]

Hi Brooke, I have just replied to Amy Brand and she is going through more or less the same as what you did. Well done my lovely for making the decision to leave! I am the mother of a coke addict who put my ex daughter in law through hell. She eventually asked him to leave and divorced him. Of course according to him it was all her fault but as you know the closest people to them will always be in the firing line. He wouldn’t leave her alone and was vile to her but I think its settled down a bit now and he does see his son every weekend. It will be the best thing you’ve done, honestly. I’ve shared my story on here so you can see what we’ve been through.

[brooke714]

Thank you so much for the reply. You are so right this will be the best thing! I just read your story. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I could not imagine, it’s so sad what addiction does to our loved ones. Your son is really lucky to have you.

[newstart23]

Hi, I need some advice I am / was living with a man who is I believe addicted to cocaine, alcohol and has become aggressive, also messaging woman and has an extensive history of cheating on his previous long term relationships.
he has manipulated my mind and used the genuine love I had. For him to his own gain

I don’t know how to break free

[Author]

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