[tally2]

my son who is now 35 has alcohol, drug, anger management and psychosis.  He was kicked out of his 8th hostel about 6 weeks ago. He came to me, and tbh I didn’t realise how bad the situation was.  I’ve managed to get him seeing the crisis team daily for the past few weeks & the psychiatrist there who has given anti psychotic drugs. They’re helping with the voices.

I have been dealing with his problems for over 10 years now and am exhausted with it all. I had a breakdown a few years ago and have not recovered fully mentally. He is so chaotic permanently loosing phones, bank cards, clothes, shoes (3 pairs in 4 wks). Sometimes I can’t get him up for appts, like today and it was at 4pm. I’m always he’s first point of call and it stresses me out so much. I haven’t been able to do anything since he came back as I’m in a state of anxiety permanently waiting for the next want/need/pressure from him.  He got hold of a homeless charity who needed to see him on the streets. Told them where he’d be, then left there as he did crack and got paranoid. He just won’t or can’t help himself but I’m at the end of my tether with the helplessness I’m feeling.  I need to tell him to get out but feel so guilty as he has the mh needs. I don’t know what to do.

[guiltridden]

I hope you find the strength to get through this,  I wish they understood the damage they do xxxxx

[tally2]

Thank you and I feel for you. I’ve been saying for years the only way I’ll get away from him is if I top myself. He says he’d never commit suicide as I’d be too upset. If only he knew. It would be a relief.  Awful thing to say but true. He doesn’t realise all the awful things he said and done over the years take a toll.

[tally2]

Thank you for taking time to reply.  I’ve articulated so clearly so many times how I feel but it goes in one ear and out the other. It’s hard x

[MichelleS]

It’s a horrible situation I really feel for you it’s hard to know who you can turn to isn’t it for help,I’m in tears most of the time,I feel like my few friends and family are fed up with me now,I’m an emotional wreck, feel like topping myself to be honest.

My 32 year old son sounds just like yours,I don’t feel as if anyone really understands the pain this causes us mums.

Sending you love and understanding xx

Michelle x

[xSARAx963x]

I totally understand. My son 31 is much the same. We finally got him into his own place, we thought he’d turned a corner he was asking for help over and over. We could only help so much between the days he’s abusive to us; verbally, financially, emotionally. He says he can’t feel anything but himself.

We understand that drugs and alcohol physically alter the brain. My son’s personality is not who he was. Now even he says he doesn’t know who he is anymore.
He’s drowning in a downward spiral of despair reaching out between bouts. Yes he chose a wrong path but he’s asked for help over and over…… and where is that? Where is the help?

Governments are supposed to help and protect the people. Where are they reducing the amount of drugs coming into the Uk? Where are they on limiting alcohol strength? No point in asking where our NHS services are to help those who fell off the wagon but are crying out for help they were cut long before COVID and now none exists in many areas.

I was in service for 38 years of my life to an organisation designed to stop drugs and fake substances hitting our streets but instead I watched the decline in effectiveness over that time.cuts in resources .
I watched the services set up to help free people from addiction and support their families also decline and fade away.

The fabric of our society is being eaten away by the epidemic of drug & alcohol abuse and its impact on the heart of the family.
No one is untouched any more.

I know you, like myself are in despair.
I, like you are grasping at straws for some one to do something to help.
But the truth is there’s only us.
The addict has to choose to change and if they don’t, then we have to walk away and deal with the violence aggression directed at us, and guilt we feel being unable to help.

I hope in your area there are still organisations left to help (there are none where I live) and that your loved one sees the light and is willing to try to change.

I’ve spent the last 3 months yet again on the rounds of : Crisis team (who either say they can’t deal with him because he’s ‘intoxicated’ or ‘abuse’ ( correct he’s an addict) or send him to hospital), hospital (who check he’s still alive and send him home usually in the middle of the night after various suicide attempts), counsellor (who shakes their head saying he should be kept in, this is a disgrace etc but can do nothing), a period where he sleeps for days, doesn’t eat, begs for help, begs for money to buy substances to get out of pain (all endured by you) till he turns on you, then himself, attempts suicide, calls the crisis team… add nauseum….

I’m angry.
I’m angry that there’s no one to help and we are innocent bystanders being beaten to death with absolutely no one to help us.
Does the anger help?
Some times.
Makes me stronger, determined to walk away.
Then I hear and see my child suffering in pain in torture… we are all tortured by what he is going through..
And I want to help him of course I do… one last time.

So how do we get off this not so merry go round?
We have to change the way addiction is dealt with in society. We have to make this a bigger picture. Some how we also have to limit the level of damage the abuse directed at us from our loved ones is at, so we can survive to change the world because that’s what we are facing.

I hope you find your way through. I won’t give up fighting for my son. However I might die in the process another statistic on a government site.

[Author]

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