[beckym]

My husband has been a cocaine addict for over 10 years. He has never really had a significant period of time being “clean” but he functions so well, I didn’t even know he was using when I met him. In the past year he has come to me 3 times in financial trouble and crying saying he doesn’t want to use anymore. The problem is I cant tell when he is using, so when he comes to me eventually it is a bigger shock as he will have been telling me he is not using. I feel stuck because we are in lockdown. If i dont help him pay off his dealer I will likely be at home with him if they come knocking at the door. I can financially afford to bail him out, and he has no income to do it himself, but i am worried about enabling him again. He refuses to go to detox and says he doesn’t find the online NA sessions helpful, he’s just going to try harder. I can’t believe him again so he has said he will do drug testing strips I have bought online. I am naturally a “fixer” and try to help but i don’t know where to draw the line with helping and enabling here.

[selfhatred]

As an addict myself I have came to terms with that side of it and realise that I do need help but unless you go to expensive rehab it’s so much harder especially if he works as I do help isn’t easy to get while working normally I use when things start getting stressful it’s like the daftest coping mechanism ever, but it does numb everything for that time and, if he is anything like me I know I have to try and find the strength to beat or ultimately I will take my own life or it will kill me

[beckym]

Yes we cant afford a private rehab and he isnt bad enough for nhs one. He was supposed to start counselling with the local dependency team the day we went into lockdown and it was near his work but its all been cancelled. Its such a hard time to need support!

[Author]

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