[itgeek123]

Also i am Going to Al-anon Meetings, which are helping

I have also been advice to give her an ultimatum, on an other Forum Site, but not sure what to say and even do.

Ive been adviced that i should ask her how she feels about me when she’s sober as when she has had a few drinks, 1-2 bottles of Wine she tells me she loves me

I honestly believe she loves me and wants to be with me, but when she has a bad day she pushes me away and tells me she doesnt love me

i don’t know if she is taken me for ride or what

[retroheadz]

Hi itgeek,

Sad, unfortunately your not an expert at helping her and her mental health is in a horrible place! Ultimately she needs residential rehab and serious therapy to help her. I’m afraid you can never really help her because she is too familiar with your tactics! Sometimes we as people try our best to help someone but all we can do is try, if that person is so mentally deep in depression then the only way out is professional intervention. Sometimes your help may make it worse believe it or not and unless she escapes this destructive lifestyle and gets admitted then it will be a long road for everyone. I can’t advise you on what to do but please try your best to maintain your own sanity and only do what you can do. She can never love you because her mind needs help. I feel for you my friend, I really do.

[itgeek123]

Thanks, I am trying it keep my own sanity, just wondering what u mean by she is too Familar with my own tactics?

And what do U mean residential rehab is this something swansell can do? Or mental health team?

I’m not buys by her wine or weed or giving her any money anymore and expected her to tell me that she will have to see someone else

I’m thinking g of saying something like ok if I do don’t bother combing back home and don’t be their when I get home either u have a choice now either u get your act together or get out the sooner the better.

My mum is her land lady and did say she is welcome to stay as long as she wants as long as she wants to get better And i do believe she does.

Your right about the depression, the drink and drugs are so she can forget how she’s is feeling Instead if facing her problems head on

My main issue is that I have a very strong sense of honour and care for her a lot but need to let her know I have had enough of the lies and self destructive behaviour

[itgeek123]

Not sure if I should wait u til after she has seen swansell next week tho

[retroheadz]

Hi itgeek,

Sorry for the late reply. What I mean by too familiar is that she is now so familiar with the way you are, how you react, what you may do and so on. Nothing you can probably say to her will jump start her into action and so her only option is to try and eliminate her addictions and stabilise her mental health issues.

As far as residential treatment I can really say who could provide it but I would absolutely insist that her mental health team prioritise her addictions.

I do hope you can help her because she sounds like a good friend.

Please let me know how you get on and good luck.

[itgeek123]

Thanks, That’s Ok, yeah she is a really good friend she was their for me when my dad died, and i had no one to talk to during a difficult time, i Cared for a lot before then as well, and i do really care about her a lot Still

I agree we need to get professional help, Which is what we have been trying to do with Crisis and the mental health teams, So hopefully after next week we will hear something new.

I also Feel she needs to cut everyone , Drug Dealers, Friends from that Life, and stop the “arranagements”

yeah i know that she is too Familiar with me and how i will react, she would start by asking for a favour, then saying DW, then telling me she has an arrangement and will i be ok with it, Saying to me if i send some money over she won’t do it.

at least once i called her bluff

once i gave in

and twice she did the arrangement anyway, after i sent money over to her

one she flat out lied about, i knew it when she was lying to me even told her i didnt blame her as she needs money she might as well be paid twice,

and once was in my house – I found out about this after “snopping on her phone” which is my understanding is quite common, even better he was in my house for at least 5 hours alone, With Cocaine in my house and she flat out denies using it, but it quiet apparent from her messages to him and friends that she does.

both of these was with the guy who sorted out her car, which he said he would again but has F Off out of the Country

What i don’t know with all the drugs and everything does she just block these out and has know idea or is she just plain Lying to me?

I thing its the former as she appears to be taken pictures all the time of the guy in my house, cocaine and screen shots of messages and she does Coke and other drugs to forget?

I have been going to Al-anon and will be going to more meetings, in the future. so this will be helping me cope.

[retroheadz]

You really are an amazing friend! I fear most people would have given up on her.

I’m sure you know this but due to her condition, addictions and mental health she is using you for everything she can get. She will never stop doing this because it gets her what she needs to satisfy her. I’m absolutely sure she loves you but You sound like your stepping back on enabling her and that’s the way forward. Just keep giving her support but nothing else and hopefully she will be able to get the help she needs. Street Drugs and alcohol are horrible!! and mixed with mental health it became destructive to everyone around us.

I hope you can find what you are looking for and peace be with you my friend.

[itgeek123]

Thanks, she has had a couple of good days, Wednesday she spent most of the day with my mum and it sounded like she enjoyed herself, and Thursday she had a job interview and starts training next Thursday

But she still wanted 2 bottled of wine Wednesday and Thursday she had 4 bottles after the interview I did by them for her, which I feel bad about but at least it wasnt anything else and kept her out of trouble.

I’m hoping I’m strong enough not to give up on her but their are times I want to explode at her about all the lies.

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