[n1ck108]

I have been searching the Internet because I’m in need of some help and I came across your stories, all of which have made me emotional because I think I’m going through something similar. I have been with my husband almost 20 years but only married for 4.

Recently I have noticed some changes in him. For example he would come in from work, after being with friends etc and would be very hesitant to have eye contact with me or even a conversation and would scurry off doing something to avoid a conversation where it was face to face. For short periods of time he is more energetic with the kids and would appear helpful and engaging with the kids and the dog. I notice at times that his mouth moves all funny (its hard to explain but maybe some of you will know what I mean). I have asked him about this but he just becomes infuriated with the questioning, and sometimes will cover this up by having alcohol or chewing gum I feel.

I am totally in the dark with drug taking and am not sure if I am in the right track with it all but something just isn’t sitting right with me and is eating away at me. Last night I went to bed and cried myself to sleep and he was none the wiser.

A month or two ago I was clearing out his gym bag and I found some screwed up foil in there ( only a small piece) and when I opened it up there was a white consistency in there that felt wet but smelt fresh like toothpaste. I never questioned him on this, perhaps I should have. Might be barking up the wrong tree here. Anyway the behaviour that I have mentioned above happens almost daily. Last week I went out for coffee with him as things have felt distanced between us and I asked him if there was anything that he needed to tell me and he has assured me that he doesnt. Things have appeared fine for a week or so. However I was tidying up yesterday and I came across an empty bag of which was probably coke. There was reminants inside of it. I asked him about it straight away and he looked as guilty as hell and maintained that he never knew anything about it and the excuse was that he must have trodden it in from outside. I really am at my wits end and I feel that it is all eating away at me.

I really don’t know what to do. I love him so much qnd I want to help him but I don’t think I can help him if he won’t talk to me.

[danman83]

Hey there nick, I hope your OK.

I have a cocaine addiction I am over 80 days clean now. And I have been doing my best to quit for years and I finnaly found cocaine anonymous and I have now found the best way to stop and it’s helping me alot.

Anyways… I am 99 percent certain it’s cocaine your husband has a coke problem, and the main reason, the lack of eye Contact when he is using. The minute I looked at my ex gf she new I was on it! You can’t concentrate on someone with out them looking at you and your thinking… Can she see if I’m high. And he will be agitated that he does not want to get caught. His mouth moving funny is called gurning, which happens alot. The bag aswell.. He’s definitely on coke. But it doesn’t smell like tooth paste and you hardly get it in tinfoil but I guess some dealers are different.

All you need to do is go the chemist buy a wee drug testing kit and ask him to take it. If he refused there’s your answer.

Also cocaine has a few really bad side effects and the main one. When you run out. For example I have just had my last line of cocaine, with in 20 mins u want more and more. And then you go into depression and feel suicidal.it messes with your dopamine levels in your brain. I’ve lost a few friends from suicide from come downs from come.

You can feel depressed for days on it. Then Friday comes and it’s back using. It’s a big vicious circle.

Some tell tale signs.. If you think he is using or on it. He won’t want to eat at all. Asleep for long periods of time when not using. Maybe going bed at 6am and not up till late. Alcohol is a big trigger for coke. If he’s drinking he will get cocaine.

Just pull him on it.

Now how to stop. 1st off you can not tell him you want him to stop.

He needs to want to for himself.

No 1 else. He needs stop drinking, cut all mates off, pubs, clubs, and change his life around. And go to CA. I hope this helps. Feel free to message me anytime

[n1ck108]

Hi, thank you so much for your quick response and we’ll done for being 80 days clean.

I’m not sure about the whole foil thing and that’s what I said in my original post. Us ladies just hold on to every little detail.It’s the non eye contact and failure to communicate properly. The empty bag I found yesterday was the last straw for me as I know he is lying but he can’t even be honest with himself. I really want to help him.

It’s not a gurning expression it’s different, it’s like his mouth goes all tight when talking and then it wears off so I’m certain he is using something. He seems to be eating fine and sleep I think is ok but he has been working erratic shifts so maybe using to stay awake I don’t know. He is doing all of his usual activities.

I know that he knows it’s eating away at me but he won’t admit. Is the test kit a pee sample bottle? Thank you for coming back to me.

[n1ck108]

Hi, thank you so much for your quick response and we’ll done for being 80 days clean.

I’m not sure about the whole foil thing and that’s what I said in my original post. Us ladies just hold on to every little detail.It’s the non eye contact and failure to communicate properly. The empty bag I found yesterday was the last straw for me as I know he is lying but he can’t even be honest with himself. I really want to help him.

It’s not a gurning expression it’s different, it’s like his mouth goes all tight when talking and then it wears off so I’m certain he is using something. He seems to be eating fine and sleep I think is ok but he has been working erratic shifts so maybe using to stay awake I don’t know. He is doing all of his usual activities.

I know that he knows it’s eating away at me but he won’t admit. Is the test kit a pee sample bottle? Thank you for coming back to me.

[danman83]

I’m not to sure what it’s like, but I guess it’s simple and cheap. U can get off ebay and amazon I think.

If you have a guy feeling and he is acting differently then there is something not right. It doesn’t have to be gurning but if his mouth is different or facial expressions then it is something. Gurning happens alot with extasy. Don’t know how to spell that lol.

It depend when he is using effects his eating and sleeping. Do you think he is using in the house? Some signs.. Going toilet alot using.. Sniffing, runny nose. Staying up late on his own.

It also causes alot of porn use and cheating. Sorry to tell u this but I’m being honest.

[n1ck108]

Yes I have had a look online at the tests

I’m waiting to see what he is like when he comes home shortly and have a discussion with him. The kids aren’t here at the moment so it’s a good time.

There is definitely something going on. I have searched the whole house and his work van whilst he has been out for paraphernalia but have got nothing.

I do suspect him of using in the house. He has had a sniffly runny nose for as long as I can remember and when I mention that he changes the subject.

I guess I just need to be strong and out him. I want to help him.

I’m not sure about cheating, that’s what I was first led to believe but then looking deeper I know he has an addiction but maybe the cheating goes with that later on.

[danman83]

To be honest I shouldn’t be mentioning the cheating because that could upset you if it’s not true.

It’s just a seedy drug and makes you do things u normally wouldn’t do. And you do a lot of sneaking around ect..

Just sit him down and have a nice quiet word ect.. And say will he do a test just to give you piece of mind and you won’t mention it again. If he says no he obviously is using.

[n1ck108]

Hi

So it’s been a while and I’m reaching out again. I hope you’re all good and still clean.

So after last time, I ended up having a chat with him and he admitted to me that he had been taking coke but then wouldn’t say who was sourcing it. He could see how this had affected me and promised not to do it. – what a mug I am.

Things were good for a while then he was acting up again and getting really drunk.. we spoke again about it towards the end of November and he crumbled and said that he is so depressed and feels suicidal and that if he feels this way in a years time he won’t be here. He promised me that he hadn’t touched coke since we had last had a conversation about it. Ive tried to be supportive of him but I don’t think I’m enough.

The last five weeks have been rocky. He gets angry very quickly and even smashed up our living room on boxing day infront of Mt youngest who is 12… this is not the life I’m used to. We have a nice home. He apologised and says he needs help with his anger meanwhile he has a GP appointment coming up in Jan for his depression.

Today I arrive home from work and he looks different… no eye contact again and mouth moving funny. I outright ask him to do a urine test to which he does but before this tells me it’s over between us…

what do you know… positive for coke. – I cannot cope with the lies.

[n1ck108]

Hi

So it’s been a while and I’m reaching out again. I hope you’re all good and still clean.

So after last time, I ended up having a chat with him and he admitted to me that he had been taking coke but then wouldn’t say who was sourcing it. He could see how this had affected me and promised not to do it. – what a mug I am.

Things were good for a while then he was acting up again and getting really drunk.. we spoke again about it towards the end of November and he crumbled and said that he is so depressed and feels suicidal and that if he feels this way in a years time he won’t be here. He promised me that he hadn’t touched coke since we had last had a conversation about it. Ive tried to be supportive of him but I don’t think I’m enough.

The last five weeks have been rocky. He gets angry very quickly and even smashed up our living room on boxing day infront of Mt youngest who is 12… this is not the life I’m used to. We have a nice home. He apologised and says he needs help with his anger meanwhile he has a GP appointment coming up in Jan for his depression.

Today I arrive home from work and he looks different… no eye contact again and mouth moving funny. I outright ask him to do a urine test to which he does but before this tells me it’s over between us…

what do you know… positive for coke. – I cannot cope with the lies.

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m glad that you have found this forum and are talking to Dan who gives loads of great advice.

If you would like any other help please contact us at Icarus Trust as we are a charity that offers support to people dealing with addiction in their family. if you get in touch one of our Family Friends would talk with you which might help you to move forward.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best.

[Author]

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