[aand]

My father is 83 years old and has been drinking alcohol since he was a teenager. He has the early signs of dementia. I have never seen him staggering drunk, but I also rarely see him without being under the influence of alcohol, which he drinks alone and hides. Alcohol makes him say harsh and unkind things to those around him. With my mother, he is better able to control himself and is always more gentle.

My mother and father have had a deeply committed marriage for 60 years. They are both retired and live on a farm that they love and bought 35 years ago. Earlier this year, my father had a subdural hematoma that resulted in surgery and a two-week hospital stay. He almost lost his life. The doctors say that his surgery was likely related to his drinking. After two weeks in the hospital, he was free of a physical dependence on alcohol, but when he returned home, he went right back to it. He drinks vodka, which he buys it by the quart.

Last month alone, his liquor store bill was $1,400. This is because my mom is trying to regulate his drinking. When she finds a bottle of alcohol, she pours it out. He then goes and buys another one, usually under the guise of driving to the end of their lane to get the mail or the newspaper, but he ends up at the liquor store. None of us know how much he actually drinks, but he “takes walks” to their outbuildings every day in the late afternoon. We all know why he is going there.

My mom has tried to take away his keys, but he finds other ways of getting it, whether waiting till she is napping and taking her keys or pressuring someone else to take him to the liquor store. But the real problem is my mom’s inconsistency. In the end, she does not want to deny him his independence and take away his dignity by getting rid of his car. So every day is the same sad scenario. My dad gets up from his chair in the late afternoon where he sits most of the day and heads to their outbuilding. My mom, if she sees him, tries to stop him. If he won’t stop, she follows him to the shed and pours out the bottle. He then finds an excuse to need his car and goes and buys another bottle. So my question is, does anyone have any suggestions?

[aand]

I should add that we all know that this is killing him. So my mom, who herself is not in good health, has a dilemma — giving in and no longer attempting to regulate his alcohol and watching him speed his death because of it OR trying to regulate it, which drains her, means constant vigilance, and in the end seems to be unsuccessful.

[Author]

Posts