[tflango]

Hi, I need some help to do with my 16 yr old son. He suffers with anxiety and depression and is on prescribed antidepressants. I was aware of him smoking weed with his mates, i didn’t like it, especially as I didn’t know how it would affect him with his mental health difficulties. But he has started taking other drugs (I don’t know how far back this goes) and I found what I think is cocaine and possible ketamine in his room. I know he has also done nitrous oxide and I’m pretty sure he’s involved in substance abuse, as he gets through his aerosol deodorant very quickly.

He refuses to acknowledge he has a problem and is refusing to accept any help at all (even for his anxiety etc). He is very clever and manipulative and always twists what we say to him and his first instinct is to lie.

We tried to have a conversation with him today, as I found the drugs in his room and some money has gone missing, which I know he has taken, but it ended up with him getting very angry and violent and he stormed out of the house. He came back and went up to his room, saying that if anyone went in, he’d f**king kill us.

He is supposed to start a new 6th form college tomorrow and we are at our wits end and don’t know how to handle it – we are so out of our depth. Has anyone been in a similar situation and can you offer any advice please?

[danman83]

This sounds like me when i was 16 with my mum and dad. I was bad on cannabis from 14 to 19. I quit it in the end, and im 36 now, it just made me do nothing in life and lazy. I also did a few other things like lsd and ectacy. But only a few times. I ended up punching holes in doors in my mum and dads house. At the time i blamed it on that i was the middle child and i got picked on. But it probably was the drugs mixed up with me only being a teenager and not developed full yet.

Cocaine is a big cause for depression and suicidal thoughts.Especially when its wearing off. I wouldnt recomend any teenager or any1 taking that stuff. But i do mainly mean a teenager, only because if you get addicted to that at such a young age.. its not good at all.

When i was younger, i stopped because i wanted to, it ruined me as a person. I was thin, didnt fo out much only to a friends. My chest was bad.

Your son will only quit when he is adamant that he wants to. You cant force it on him. He will just go worse. Especially as a teenager. They always want to do the opposite you say. Me personally id just make him aware what hes doing to himself and the risk hes taking.

But that is entirely up to you. My mum and dad just went on and on at me, and i just did the opposite.

Did he go to college?

[tflango]

Thanks for responding Danman83. He did go to college in the end – we had a difficult evening with him last night, he was very anxious and full of self-pity & self-loathing and saying that there was absolutely no way he could go to college. I didn’t say much in reply, as I can never say the right thing – I was just there for him as he ranted. This morning I just acted like it was a normal morning and assumed he was getting up and going in, so he was actually ok until we were in the car driving there, when he was begging me to turn around and take him home. I just told him that he had to go in and it would be much harder to go in if he missed the first day – tough love, but sometimes he has to be pushed to take the first step.

He came out of college in a good mood and full of it all, so fingers crossed it continues! I just know as soon as I try and talk to him again about drugs or our expectations and boundaries, he’ll go off into one again (& our doors are battered too…), but then it has been like this for years with him – a complete rollercoaster of moods and behaviour. You never know what you’re going to get with him and it’s a very fine line between happy son and unhappy, raging son. You can click your fingers and his mood has changed.

Thanks a lot for your advice – useful to hear it from someone who has been there and come through it 🙂

[danman83]

You never know, he just might grow out of it. Alot of it, is the people you hang around with. But my biggest regret is not going college and learning a trade, because i failed my GCSEs. Hes young, and he has his whole life ahead of him. Maybe make him aware of people like me, who regret alot of things ive done. Good luck

[chase666]

He’s young, it’s relatively normal for kids to do daft stuff.

When I was his age I went to college for breakfast and caught the bus home. I quit not long after.

Fortunately a couple of years later I go my head in gear, got a degree in computer science and earn a decent wage.

In regards to the drugs, he’s young, he’s probably going to do them unfortunately, it’s not good but it’s life. Have a good conversation with him about it, don’t try to stop him going out with friends, just encourage him to think twice about drugs.

The threats of violence aren’t good though, you don’t deserve to be treated that way. You need to tell him that saying stuff like that is completely unacceptable. Can you go to the GP with him and discuss his mental health issues. I have them myself, hence my self meditating codeine addiction. Maybe they can refer him through the IAPT service for some CBT. Antidepressants are garbage for anxiety to be honest, I’ve tried them all and the only things that work are Diazepam, beer and codeine.

CBT is the best natural way, a word of warning too, don’t let the GP prescribe Diazepam to him, it’s extremely addictive.

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