[randall]

Hi all, I’m looking for advice. My mum and dad are both heroin addicts and have been since I was 6. I’m 30 now. On boxing day last year, I allowed them to come and stay with me until beginning of january as they had no food and no gas or electricity and me and my 2 brothers had already spent months buying food and gas electricity for them but refused to do it anyway. However, we are now the middle of may and they are still at my house and have since lost their house because their windows got smashed and their house got trashed whilst away (payback for things they have done). I have a 3 year old daughter too that lives with me. She has been living with her dad throughout the pandemic and I havent been at home for 9 weeks because I dont feel like its home anymore. Since the beginning of the year my mum has also been diagnosed with cancer. Since I have been away, they have had people at my home and I’m positive theyve been taking drugs at my home. 2 of the things i absolutely forbid because of my daughter. Anyway. Now we are looking at my daughter coming back home and i cannot allow it when i suspect drugs there. I know i need to ask them to move out but its killing me knowing that my mum especially is going to go back to having no food and be sat in the cold and dark. I absolutely know that they have enough money to pay for this but I just cant stop feeling guilty but I cant continue to live my life being responsible for them and potentially putting my daughter at risk. Guess what I’m asking is does anybody have any advice on how to approach the situation on asking them and does anybody know anywhere that I could turn to for support for them as the local drug rehab place have been useless. Thanks in advance

[kel1]

Hi Randall,

Oh what an absolutely heartbreaking story. Im so sorry you are going through this I really am.

Ok, so the hard part is that sadly they need to leave, and you need to detach from this emotionally. Easier said than done I know, however you run the risk of great danger to yourself and your child if you don’t. This includes, dealers, other users and external agencies like social services.

You need to focus on your unit. Now bare in mind your mum and dad have been drug users for many years and over them years they would have learned how to survive. They would have better skills than us surviving on the streets etc.

I think one way to look at it is if your mum isnt taking care of her physical health then what can you do? It is sad I know but unfortunately her drug habit, housing situation and health is her/their responsibility.

Please focus on you and explain that they have to leave immediately, and offer them an open line of communication, along with details of support services so they can get help with their addiction if they aren’t already.

Be brave and stay strong. You’ve done all you can, but you have to protect yourself and your child.

Al Anon are a good service also for families affected by substance misuse.

Best wishes and keep talking

[Author]

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