[ldait000]

im looking for a bit of advice as I cant talk to my friends and family about it, ive been with my boyfriend for 8 years and I found out after about a year of being with him that he had a cocaine addiction, he has made promise after promise that he will stop and get help but he just doesn’t, he tells me that he doesn’t want to take it and doesn’t know why he does it. Doing the drug causes him to gamble all his money and go online and talk to women and arrange to meet them (he never does) but the thought is there.

The only form of support he has is me, his friends encourage the behaviour and his family are not supportive at all, he has had a hard few years with the death of a lot of family members including his dad and best friend. I try to be there for him and support him but I just do not know how to help or what to do? I have stayed and tried to support him and help him to stop with arranging counselling and just in general doing other things to take his mind off it, but nothing is working and he just denies taking it all the time and lies. Its ruined our relationship and its not only affecting him but it is affecting me as well and I just dont know what to do taking the drug makes him a completely different person with his mood and behaviour being snappy, nasty and aggressive and just not the person I know and love.

I just need some help and advice is the only way out is if I leave him? How can I help him this has been going on for 7 years that I am aware of and it just feels like I am going round in circles and its affecting my mental health and just draining the life out of me because its a constant worry for me that he’s taking it and what he’s up to and all the lies are just too much.

How can you help and support someone like this? What can I do to make him better?

[debc]

Hi Idait000,

Welcome to the forum, a great place to come and share your story and get really useful advice, lots of people in the same situation.

My Son is an addict (alcohol and cocaine), he is in Recovery at the moment, long may it last, but have had to live through 10 years of hell with it.

Cocaine is an evil drug and doesn’t come alone, the lies, gambling etc etc, it completely changes them, but I’m afraid it is them and only them that can may the decision to stop.

I wish you luck in what you choose to do, most importantly look after yourself, keep in touch with people on here, it’s great to share our problems. Take care.

Dx

[lindyloo]

Hi Idait

Welcome to the forum, I totally sympathise with you, as will most people here.

At least you know you can vent and people will understand what you are going through as most of us have been there too.

I’m in same position as Debc, my son is also a cocaine and alcohol addict. He has also been dabbling for 10 years.

This addiction affects the whole family and you feel you can’t talk to friends of family about it.

Its a rollercoaster of emotions, and its like walking on eggshells.

It begins and ends with him, nothing will change until he takes the first step.

AA and CA meetings are very supportive as are the info on the forum homepage. Read the other threads lots of helpful advice.

Don’t give up hope, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. My son has had relapses but is currently clean 2/3 weeks and attending meetings online and contacting his sponsor.

Celebrate these successes, …baby steps , one day at a time.

I hope you get the help and support you both need.

Debc – I’m glad to hear things are going well for you and your son.

Lx

Lx

[debc]

Hi Lindyloo,

Glad all is going well for your Son, as you say, baby steps and one day at a time.

Take care

Dx

[jess24]

Idait,

I’m currently struggling with a similar situation. I just came to the forum because I needed people to talk with and the Al Anon meetings aren’t going on in my area due to COVID. I completely understand the mental health affects it has on you. I’m at the point where I know what is best for me, it’s just actually taking the steps necessary to get there and yes unfortunately that means to move on with my life without him. I hope you find what you need.

[debc]

Hi Jess24,

Hope your ok.

There are lots of meetings on line through Zoom, my Son tells me they go on all over the Country at most times of the day, hopefully this will help.

Take care

Dx

[Author]

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