[cathsp]

Hi someone of you know my story. My son is 40 and has been doing really well. He still has blow outs about 4-6 weeks. 6 weeks is the longest so far. Since March 2020.

I worry that the frequency will increase or that he can’t leave the drugs alone. I do feel that home life can just change in moment.

I know it’s up to him but does people in know have any advice for ME at this time 🙂

[danman83]

Hiya cath, hope your OK. I am addicted to coke I’ve tried everything to quit, and I do the same relapse after a month. But since boxing day I have been clean, I’m coming up to a month clean tommorow. I have now joined C A anonymous and I have a sponsor and I’m working the steps. I’m meditating each morning and even praying lol. I need to beat this once and for all. I feel so much stronger and happier now. I just haven’t got the confidence to speak in the meetings just yet. Has your son done any meetings?

[cathsp]

Thank you for reaching out to me. It means a great deal. Your words have so much meaning. And I can relate that to my son’s situation. He has not touch the stuff since 2 Dec. And in the last 2 days you would think his room was a drug den……messy, smelly etc. He is filthy too.

You would look at him and his environment and I think it would hard to believe is only been 2 / 3 days…..

I wonder if it’s about saying I no longer have an addicted personality. And acknowledging that people think it’s takes extreme confidence to kick it.

They say connection is the cure to addiction. My son has yet to connect. You are a great communicator. Insightful, empathetic and caring. You certainly helped me tonight.

Your words remind me that my son is a vulnerable adult on the crossroad of a new life. And I will pray that it will be 2 months, 3 months and so on before he is tempted again.

I do hope it’s the same for you. I have no doubt we will talk again. Keep going, believe in yourself, and don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s your journey. Xx

[danman83]

To be honest he needs to do these things like tidy his room and that. 1. It’s his bedroom and should do it anyway lol. But doing these things keeps our house in order and keeps us focused, and

motivated. I never use make my bed but every morning I do now. I get up at 4am. Normally it was 5. I get up an hour earlier to prepare for the day now, and you feel so much better. They say it takes 21 days to break a bad habit. And their are apps for this that give you challenges each day, and 1 is to make your own bed. It just helps you and makes you a better person. Some people just get stuck in a rut and don’t believe in them self’s.

What’s making him mess up on the 6 week mark?

Thanks for your kind words. Means a lot ????

[lukebou]

Hi

[cathsp]

Tomorrow will be a month? Good for you! Keep going. Believe in yourself. Focus on what life will be like. Focus on the life you want.

I made my son a vision- board based on his hopes and goals. And it sits under his TV so he sees it every day.

It has pictures of him when he was in a bad way. Isolated with no friends. No money No plans.

And the other half has his hopes of getting his driving licence back. Buy a BMW. Friends, holiday to Spain.

It scares him when he has relapsed to think that he sunk so low in such a short time.

I m going light a candle for you, me and my son. The candle is going burning all weekend. An eternal flame of love and light. I promise. Let’s speak again

Nite.

[lindyloo]

Hi Cathsp welcome to the forum. Everyone here has a loved one who has addictions and also some people in recovery giving good support and advice.

Danman83 is so supportive, helped me last year.

I was sorry to read your story, its horrible to see your loved one like this.

If you click on “share your story ” and read the Theresa thread, there are several of us mums with sons with addictions. It just let’s you know that you’re not alone.

Until your son admits he has a problem and needs help, there’s not much we mums can do.

We can reassure them that we love them, but hate what the addiction is doing to them.

In the meantime please look after your own health and well-being. Take pleasure in the little things, a nice walk, a takeaway coffee and cake, something that will please you. Or 5 min meditation videos on phone.

My son has is 29 and has alcohol and cocaine addictions, i know the effect it has on the family.

Thinking and praying for you.

Lx

[cathsp]

Thank you Lindyloo.

I will read the thread you suggested. I received support via phone support via Adam and attended the family and friends virtual group advertised on the Adam website.

I like this forum as it helps with an immediate response.

I must that I have some great advice from people who are overcoming their addictions.

I find it insightful and thoughtful

Thanks again

[dot]

Law of attraction helped me massively

[danman83]

That’s good what you have done for him. He’s lucky to have you.

Thank you for that. Let’s hope it brings us all good luck. ????????❤️

[danman83]

Looks like the candle worked lol I spoke up 1st and wasn’t too bad. I feel a lot better now it’s done ????

[cathsp]

Brilliant! I knew you could do it. Your a communicator. Even if you believe it yet! There is a person inside you that has been waiting to get out for a long time time. The real you.

Candle still burning ???? your worlds on fire and so are you. Lol.

My son has showered and cleaned up. Still a bit rubbered but doesn’t seemed to have topped up.

And have had a stress free day. Watching how the other half live on the Seven Sea Explorer.

Well a girl can dream eh!

Speak soon ????

[cathsp]

I have seen or spoken to my son. He continues to lie on his bed listening music. I think he still has a drug hangover. He is irritable and uncommunicative.

What a waste for a couple of days on drugs.

Hope you all are holding in there????

[danman83]

Why has he used? I thought it was Dec 2nd he last used?

Hope your OK?

Yes thanks, I had a little wobble today but I spoke to my sponsor today and I’m OK now. Thanks. ????❤️

[cathsp]

Hi Danman

Thanks for your reply. My son did have a blip on 2/ 12 when broke the shower etc. And had another blip last week. 20/01/2021.

He seemed to have stopped topping up a couple of days later 23/24 but has just stayed in his room since. He is a bit irritable

I am so glad Your staying strong and using supports ????

[lindyloo]

Congratulations Danman83, it can’t be easy sharing, but you did it! My son found it difficult at first too, but I guess it gets easier the more meetings you do.

My son’s had a couple of wobbles too, but it’s great the ways the fellowship will help you through them.

I wish I could thank them!

Keep up the good work and stay strong ????

Lx

[danman83]

Thanks for that. I’ve gone back into frozen mode again this week, and I just crap my pants and freeze when I want to speak. My sponsor said don’t worry about it just yet, I’m doing everything else good. Thanks for that ????

[cathsp]

Take your time. Don’t pressure yourself. Your a born communicator! When you have something that needs saying you will.

Remember you have helped and supported people on here. And that has went a long way to keeping family and friends sane.

So just soak it all in a quietly connect to your group members. Listening is an important skill.

Good luck

[cathsp]

Take your time. Don’t pressure yourself. Your a born communicator! When you have something that needs saying you will.

Remember you have helped and supported people on here. And that has went a long way to keeping family and friends sane.

So just soak it all in a quietly connect to your group members. Listening is an important skill.

Good luck

[cathsp]

Take your time. Don’t pressure yourself. Your a born communicator! When you have something that needs saying you will.

Remember you have helped and supported people on here. And that has went a long way to keeping family and friends sane.

So just soak it all in a quietly connect to your group members. Listening is an important skill.

Good luck

[cathsp]

Take your time. Don’t pressure yourself. Your a born communicator! When you have something that needs saying you will.

Remember you have helped and supported people on here. And that has went a long way to keeping family and friends sane.

So just soak it all in a quietly connect to your group members. Listening is an important skill.

Good luck

[cathsp]

Take your time. Don’t pressure yourself. Your a born communicator! When you have something that needs saying you will.

Remember you have helped and supported people on here. And that has went a long way to keeping family and friends sane.

So just soak it all in a quietly connect to your group members. Listening is an important skill.

Good luck

[danman83]

Thanks for that, it’s cheered me up, felt a bit shitty today, 5 week tommorow I’ve been clean, so I just need not overthink things, thanks for that ????

[lindyloo]

Brilliant news Danman

Keep it up , we’re all dead chuffed for you!

My son found it hard too, but the fellowship guys will support you through this.

Stay strong have faith and hope,

Lx

[danman83]

Thanks very much. Been a crap morning to be honest, overthink too much, but I’ve just spoke to some one out of the fellowship and feel a bit better now.

That crap has just drained my confidence and I know it’s my brain tricking me, so I can go and get it. But I’m not going to let that happen.

Thanks for yours and everyone else’s comments they help me a lot ????

[cathsp]

Hi Danman,

Have you ever thought about writing these thoughts down and when your feeling strong read them. And then you can deal with them and/or realise how far you’ve come.

Hang in there, remember don’t be too hard on yourself!

A vision board could work for you too.

Do it for YOU. Dream BIG.

You are sssssoooo worth it. Take a day at a time.

[cathsp]

Hi Danman 83

Have you ever thought about writing these thoughts down and when your feeling strong read them. And then you can deal with them and/or realise how far you’ve come.

Hang in there, remember don’t be too hard on yourself!

A vision board could work for you too.

Do it for YOU. Dream BIG.

You are sssssoooo worth it. Take a day at a time.

[danman83]

I was actually on the phone before to another C A member and he was telling me about this, so I’m going to start doing this tommorow, thank you ????????

[dot]

He’s ready for stopping but it won’t go till he kicks it fully it’s like a switch in your head that clicks.

8 and half months clean now no drugs no coke no weed no anything.

Everything improves when it does stop and it’s well worth it

[cathsp]

Thanks I think law of attraction could help us all ????

[lindyloo]

I’m so pleased for you guys, just wanted to say it, you should both be proud of yourselves.

It will be totally worth it !

Stay strong

Lx

[cathsp]

Well my son has been at it again. He is out for the count tonight. Search around and found 100 DHCodeine and 50 blue Valium.

He says no not going buy drugs…..

Will he ever change?

Sometimes I despair. Anyone he has lost the lot caused I have flushed them all away.

He is completely and blissfully unaware his stash has gone.

I will struggle to look at him I am annoyed at all his manipulation.

What do you do ?

[danman83]

Hope your OK cath? I guess he just has to want to really quit himself. I’ve never really understood addiction for pain relief but I know they are Highley addictive.

What has he said now you have binned his stash?

[danman83]

Hope your OK cath? I guess he just has to want to really quit himself. I’ve never really understood addiction for pain relief but I know they are Highley addictive.

What has he said now you have binned his stash?

[cathsp]

Hello Guys

Just to say that I am still thinking about you all. My son is doing alright no new drug buys yet. Might be as he has no money though.

We have and lots of hassle with his care team though so needing drop of the this radar to concentrate on their usual “ making a drama out of a crisis” saga when they muck up. If you get my meaning.

I do hope my supporters have been doing well. You’s are always in my thoughts. And I’m here for you.

PS I have more candles in my home than a witches coven love and light to all ????????????????

[cathsp]

Thanks for your response. I think he is still under the affects of what he took yesterday to be honest. Since the 20/01 he has said very little. Doesn’t want to go anywhere. No driving lessons etc. He is a empty shell of himself.

He is used to me binning his stash.

I’m not excusing anyone but I think lockdown has a lot to do with everyone’s bad

It’s the lies and manipulation I can’t be bothered with. He came back and swore he hadn’t bought drugs and he wasn’t even tempted. He has even denied that there where empty packets in his bed where I had put them. Oh! No he says. Don’t know what your talking about mum!,

I’m sitting reading Beyond addiction again.

Howes you. 5 weeks now. I think when we first reached out it was 2 weeks for you. Then 4 weeks…. You keep your chin up. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Slow and steady win the race.

Thanks for reaching out ????

[cathsp]

Thanks for your response. I think he is still under the affects of what he took yesterday to be honest. Since the 20/01 he has said very little. Doesn’t want to go anywhere. No driving lessons etc. He is a empty shell of himself.

He is used to me binning his stash.

I’m not excusing anyone but I think lockdown has a lot to do with everyone’s bad habits

It’s the lies and manipulation I can’t be bothered with. He came back and swore he hadn’t bought drugs and he wasn’t even tempted. He has even denied that there where empty packets in his bed where I had put them. Oh! No he says. Don’t know what your talking about mum!,

I’m sitting reading Beyond addiction again.

Howes you. 5 weeks now. I think when we first reached out it was 2 weeks for you. Then 4 weeks…. You keep your chin up. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Slow and steady win the race.

Thanks for reaching out ????

[dot]

You can’t just quit drugs… I mean I did but I had to hit rock bottom lose my wife and get locked up and lose everything for me to change.

Drugs are selfish… Took me roughly 20 attempts to actually stop and I’m clean now.

You are in a horrible predicament but where does it stop. Where does the behaviour and the drug cycle break.

While he gets away with it he will continue doing it. It’s a hard one but you’re speaking to someone who knows.

I’ll hold my hands up I was a selfish piece of s*** when I took cocaine. Buy after 10 weeks of being off it was like I was reborn. Hope you can get it sorted here if you need anything

[dot]

Look for Russell brand “freedom from our addictions” that’s a good read it puts alot of things into perspective.

[cathsp]

Thanks Dot I will check out that book. Appreciate the tip

[icarus-trust]

Hi Cath,

So sorry to hear of the difficulties you’re having around your son’s drug habit. I’m glad that you have found this supportive forum. If you would like more help please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity who supports the families around those with an addiction as we know how tough this is for you. If you get in touch one of our family friends who are trained and experienced will talk with you and help to find a way ahead.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best.

[cathsp]

Thank you The Icarus Trust

[danman83]

Hiya cath, hope your OK? Hope your son is OK aswell?. This covid don’t help anyone. I’m 2 month clean this sat! It doesnt seem real lol. Still with CA and it’s working great.

You made me laugh with the candles, because I’ve gone a bit spiritual now and I’m praying everyday and meditating. If it makes us happy and it works, who cares ????????????

[danman83]

Hiya cath, hope your OK? Hope your son is OK aswell?. This covid don’t help anyone. I’m 2 month clean this sat! It doesnt seem real lol. Still with CA and it’s working great.

You made me laugh with the candles, because I’ve gone a bit spiritual now and I’m praying everyday and meditating. If it makes us happy and it works, who cares ????????????

[cathsp]

Hi Danman

Good to hear that your doing good.

You made me laugh. if it wasn’t for the power of prayer I don’t think I would be here believe me. Lol

[danman83]

Amen to that haha

[dot]

Hope things are going better for you

[cathsp]

Hi All,

Been on this forum before.My son is nów in his 40’s. 42 to be exact. He has complex history of drug misuse, mental health, physical health difficutlties and learning difficulties.

[cathsp]

Hi All,

Been on this forum before.My son is nów in his 40’s. 42 to be exact. He has complex history of drug misuse, mental health, physical health difficutlties and learning difficulties.

His biggest difficulties is drugs. DHCodiene and valium. He has been clean for most part since 2019 but has dabbled and stopped dabbled and stopped.

He completely relapsed in March 2022 for 12 weeks and stopped again. But sadly drugs are now creeping back into daily life.

He refuses to go to meetings and in my view is terrified to go to the Recovery Cafe.

He only has ME…his mum. I am getting tired really tired of it to be honest. He just gets stuck in a rut. Buys drugs and sits out of face in his rooms. No friends, No gf.

I know its up to him, but I really hate the way he looks and talks when he is on drugs…I hate the neighbours seeing him now.

I was so angry tonight that I had to get away from him. (He lives with me and has a legal right to live here.

Its hard to affect change……I am starting to give up on him. Never thought I ever say that but its been a shit day.

Q-Can someone go to a Recovery Cafe if/when their drugs use is going in the wrong direction again. Or do they need to be clean?

Can some please enlighting me as what’s so difficult to mix with others in recovery/like minded people?

Can someone relate to my rather” down in the dumps” post tonight pls

[Author]

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