[dkwtd]

Hi all, my brother is an addict (though doesn’t think he is) he is in his 40’s and has moved back home with my parents. They know he has been using crystal meth but I don’t think they can see how devastating the effect is on him and the knock on effect to their lives. He can be violent and recently attacked my Dad. My mum appears to be very depressed about the whole situation but will not accept or get any help for herself ( I have suggested looking at sites like this one for support or going to her GP,) they will not kick him out. My young daughter used to go and stay with my parents but due to my brothers erratic behaviour, violence and him telling my Dad he is jealous of my daughter (getting attention…she is their only Grandchild!!) I have had to say she can’t stay there or be in the house with him.
I just wondered if any other parents of addicts have advice on how i can help them- i feel they are trapped in a nightmarish situation with a violent, cruel adult son when they should be able to enjoy their lives in peace.

[alan_s]

The Icarus Trust was set up for just this sort of situation, they provide help for the people around the person with the addiction. Contact is initially by email and is discreet and confidential. See if you can get you Mum to contact them. http://www.icarustrust.org.

[cant-take-no-more]

Hi scanners, oh bless you. You have been through what most of us parents have…stay strong and stick to your guns..as enablers all we do is add to the problem. We all love our kids, but at what point do they start taking responsibility for their own actions, whilst us parents keep enabling? It’s hard, believe me, because I’ve been where you are….the best thing I did was cut him off, and made him aware that if he continued to do drugs then he was on his own….it’s hard, frightening and tiring , but for us as a family was the best decision we made. My son also went to prison for several weeks, and I didn’t visit him at all. It by no means was the wake up call he needed, however it gave him time to stop and think about his shitty life. That was the end of July this year….since then he has made big steps….he got himself a job, sees a counsellor, and has had one relapse….but he’s fighting it, and I truly believe that having us in his life supporting him means more than the life he led on drugs…he just needed to see that. Every day is a battle for him, but he said to me the other day, he feels normal, and likes it….that made me cry…we still have a long way to go, mental health issues need addressing because drugs mess heads up…..continue loving your son, but make that decision to stop enabling and stick to it….hugs Hunni and here if you need to chat xxxx

[when-will-it-get-better]

I feel for you it so hard for us to put up with what we go through at this moment in time I feel like azombie just going through the motions my partner was a drug user but managed to kick that habbit now its drink after a 2 day binge he is led in bed he starts his detox next week and right now that seems like a life time away idont even know if it will work and if it doesn’t I have made the decision that we will be finished because I can’t be dragged down any more I am sick and tired of the front I have to put on in public with the fake smile..i wouldn’t wish my worst enemy to have to feel how I feel right now I hope that things get better for you sort for rambling but it so nice to be able to say how I feel and not be judged xx

[icarus-trust]

I am so sorry that you are having to struggle with this difficult situation. The Icarus Trust is a charity that supports the families and friends of addicts. If you contact us we could put you in touch with one of our ‘Family Friends’. Theses are trained volunteers who have lots of experience of talking with people who are in similar situations as you. Talking with someone who would understand might help you to make sense of everything.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck!

[scanners]

You are a very strong woman, me on other hand am the weakest softest woman there is. Im trying to be strong, thank you xxxxbless xxx

[icarus-trust]

Don’t forget there is support out there for yourself. You can talk to one of our ‘Family Friends’ at The Icarus Trust, and having regular contact with one of them might help you to get things off your chest. They would understand what you are dealing with.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope this might help.

[foolish]

I know exactly how you feel – I am in almost the same position tonight except my partner did go through rehab and was sober for 5 months. 18 months later we seem to be back to square one and I on the verge of ending our five year relationship. Foolishly I moved from one end of the country to the other with my daughter thinking I was beginning a new life with a lovely kind honest man. Within weeks I discovered he was drinking behind my back and have been trying to deal with a less than perfect situation ever since. I am so ashamed I didn’t spot it before I decided to move us in with him. The promises are always there to stop for us but it doesn’t happen. He even lost his job through drink driving and that didn’t stop him. I thought things were proving around March time when he started seeing a new councillor (3rd one) who he seemed to relate to more but but the lasting has been awful. Trouble is I do love h and when sober he is kind, funny & loving. My daughter adores him though she knows he has a drink problem. She is aware he has started drinking again but not the extent. I am feeling I can’t cope with it anymore and have spent the evening working out my finances to see if I can as him to leave. I am ashamed I have putyself and my daughter in this position so cover it most of the time. I have recently discovered he has been emailing old girlfriends which he claims he did when he was drunk but at least I have a reason to give yup people if I ask him to leave. I feel very sad too as without the drink he is a good person and there was great potential for us as a family. He has a daughter too and I feel bad for her as she has really benefited from us being up here and the two girls get on great. I really feel it is the end now though.

[lolipop]

Hi scanners … I too feel very weak sometimes when dealing with my son he can be very aggressive demanding and manipulative especially when he wants money for weed . When I look at him I see my beautiful little boy and I wonder how he came to be this sad lonely person who feels drugs are his only choice. He still lives at home and some days are very difficult . I keep trying everyday and have managed to put some boundaries in place which I stick to . I love my son very much and hope and pray that one day he will make better choices. Thinking of you xx

[icarus-trust]

It must be so difficult for you to watch the impact alcohol is having on your daughter. Sadly many people are going through similar experiences to yourself but there is help out there. The Icarus Trust is a charity that supports the friends and families of addicts. We offer a free service of experienced trained volunteers that you could be put in touch with. Talking with one of them may help you to find a way ahead and they would be able to signpost you to what help is available for your daughter. Maybe it would help you to feel less lost. I hope so!
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org

[scanners]

I am very weak, I try to be strong,but I cant be when around him, I hated coming home from work knowing he was here waiting for me and only wanting money, thats why I took the injunction out so he left me alone,, its got to the stage, he scares the crap out of me, how awful is that to say, its gone on 10 years too long, I have nothing. I also have a younger son to look after who Is a dream compared to his brother. Today I spent time with my wonderful 2yr old grandson, we played and it was wonderful, I felt safe as I had no one screaming at me for money. My son has phoned me and told me he will go and hand himself in, I hope he does. Thank you “cant take no more and lolipop” hugs to you both, I hope one day I can say my son has changed for the better. Xxxxxx

[foolish]

What happens when the person in recovery is non religious and in fact it is possible that some of anxiety issues that cause the drinking are as a result of a guilt ridden Catholic upbringing?

[justinrose]

Hi foolish,

The situation you describe is not an uncommon one, and a person in this situation could perhaps benefit from weekly meetings, sponsorship or perhaps a sober coach to help guide them in their recovery.

Unfortunately, there is no universally applicable method, but a unique combination of various treatment approaches for the best chance of recovery.

Hope this helps,

Thanks and good luck!

[wisdom59]

Hi Scanners, I just signed up today although the situation has existed for 3 or 4 years now. I also feel very weak and manipulated by my youngest daughters illness. I agree with “cant take no more” 100%. I love my children including my youngest beyond life itself and her addition to heroine has devastated to the core the family life we had had. I would bail her out, she would say all the right things get money for food (let me tell you it’s not food their getting) I tried to cut all ties wasn’t strong enough brought her in kept constant eyes on her with the family, good for 20 days then started to say how she needed to go out for some breathing space that didn’t last a week till most of her nephews & nieces electronics came up missing she pawned them that kind of was last straw she lost place to live was told to leave go to friends, mission we were done. she was caught stealing got jail time for that, been through rehab/withdraw 4 times or more I was their each and every time with her pleading which when I caved would only lead to more drug abuse for her and emotional abuse for family till last time I explained I’m done I told her I loved her with all my heart would not ever dis claim her as my daughter and am very glad in fact to have her as my daughter but I can’t say how much I hate HER life choices, I would not be there to bail her out, not to call me for money She sat in jail the last time for about 30 days she got bailed out not by me and is awaiting trial in Dec. She is reporting to her probation officer, has been clean sober for about 35 days now, did get a job and is sincerely trying. I do know that when I steeped away from enabling her and she seen so called friends weren’t there to help her and while she was in jail was attending a ministry there which genuinely did give her a new perspective. sorry i’m rambling be strong to this day I won’t forget how she was putting the blame for her addiction on me and during one of her pleading for money that it was my fault cause her exact words “your my dad your supposed to protect me” I cant ever explain how long and how much that hurt but it took about 6 months to accept the fact I can’t protect her from herself and maybe indeed that jail was the best protection. It’s been “my” experience that genuine heart felt prayer has helped the most but remember that even God gives us free will to choose. during all the drama times I came to tell myself that’s not my daughter talking it’s the drug influence Stay Strong, I will pray for you and your son

[emma]

there are no support groups close and I am an only child, I don’t know what to do next

[icarus-trust]

Hi Emma please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people like you who are having to deal with a friend or family member’s addiction. I really think it might help you to talk to one of our experienced trained volunteers called ‘Family Friends’. If you contact us we could put you in touch with one of them. Talking through how you are feeling with someone who understands what you are going through may help you make sense of how you are feeling and find a way forward. It is a free service so I hope you will give it a try.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck!

[win]

hi, my mum is an alcoholic too, while I was growing up. My earliest memory was about 10 years old and she eventually went into rehab when I was sixteen, I used to find her whiskey bottles which I found in her bedroom and tip any remains down the drain. You have to maintain support as much as you can, but she needs to admit it first and until then its just a matter of getting to admit there is a problem. I hope that things improve for you, but you are not alone with what you are going through.

[cant-take-no-more]

Hi ladies, it’s so hard, and i enabled my son for 4 years..I was weak too, but I’ve seen my son high, irrational, begging for money, finding crap in his room, seeing the boy who I didn’t recognise, and believe me it wasn’t just cannabis , weed, he was taking…..cannabis IMO should be criminalised with massive consequences..cause they start with this rubbish and turn to stronger stuff…..I’ve heard him say he wants to kill himself, hurt someone, he has thieves, lied, done pretty much everything and more….and I helped him…..gave him money, brought him food, set him up in a flat, paid his fines…..thankfully I sought help for me, and got support…and once I made the decision to stop enabling him I stuck to it…it really is the hardest thing a parent can do, but it was the right decision for my family and I, and that includes my son….every day is a battle for those addicts out there..I pray your kids seek the help they need….hugs to all xxx

[icarus_trust]

Hi everyone,

Some of you may think you’re weak, but reaching out is the first step and shows you are a strong person. The Icarus Trust provides support for the families of addicts. You will have a family friend as a contact who will do their very best. You can get in touch with them through the website http://www.icarustrust.org or email them on info@icarustrust.org.

We wish you all, the very best

[laumar134]

Hi, I noticed your story as I really can relate. I too have a brother who is 12 years older than me, yet has a huge problem with alcoholism. He has never moved out of our family home and I worry for my parents as they’re reaching retirement age. My brother is showing no signs of reaching out for help or calming down. I am moving city next year but so scared to in case he hurts our parents. He has just broken my dads rib in a drunken rage and I’m at my wits end. Sorry for the rant, it’s just rare to find a similar story with the addiction problem belonging to a sibling rather than a parent. I really hope all works out for you.

[asibling]

Thank you for sharing your story.

It seems there are few services and research done considering the experience of family members, in particular siblings. That is why I am conducting a research project looking at the narratives of siblings, encouraging others like you to share their experiences. If you wish to participate and share your story or would like more information please contact me at u1422721@uel.ac.uk. Thank you.

[icarus]

Thanks, Alan. People like you help us help people like them………DKWTD, I hope you will get in touch with us. We work with AdFam.

[sk]

No you are not heartless an addict has to want to help themselves. It is like having another child to look after been with an addict and it does take its toll on you and if you can put your own happiness first then I say do it, do it for you and the kids you all deserve to be happy and he should want that for you too. Take care x

[little-al]

Sorry to say on here but is anyone having problems viewing other users comments. .my email says people are comenting on my blogs. .but I can’t view the comments ????

[icarus_trust]

Hi Kms2014,

You are an amazing strong woman, who has done the best for herself and her family. Do not doubt yourself. If you want someone to speak to, or perhaps for your children, the Icarus Trust provides support for families of addicts. This would be great reassurance for you, and it will be from someone who has been in your position. You can check out their website on http://www.icarustrust.org or email them directly on info@icarustrust.org.

I wish you and your children the very best.

[claire1]

Hi Maggie, My son is 19 at smokes cannabis, he lives at home but there have been moments when we have come close to asking him to leave. He has a job but it’s a constant worry that he will get up and go in every morning. My husband and I have never smoked, taken drugs of any kind or drink very much so we struggle to understand why our intelligent son should wish to destroy his life. I have come close to having a breakdown over it myself. You need to look after yourself. Unfortunately he may need to reach his rock bottom before he decides it’s time to change. You must not blame yourself or feel guilty or ashamed. He is responsible for his addiction not you. I feel lonely sometimes as my friends don’t understand and most don’t have anything to do with me anymore. I go to a local group for families of addicts which is great because they understand and have been with me through the highs and lows. Stay strong.

[maggie]

Thanks Claire for responding. I’m sorry you are also having worries with your son although it has helped to know I’m not the only one going through it. There doesn’t seem to be a group local to me but a friend has just persuaded me to make an appoint to see my Doctor for advice and perhaps something to help me sleep and feel better. I hope things improve for you and both our sons in the future.

[amber]

Hi Maggie,
Don’t know if I can offer any advice as such, but I think it helps to know there are parents, mum’s out there going through the same problems.My son is also 28yrs and his weed and alcohol problems started around 12/13 years ago.He has never left home and like your son never been able to hold onto a job for any lengh of time.Infact he’s not worked for two years or so now.Unfortunately I now believe he is mentally ill from taking weed.I am desparately trying get help,but it’s not easy unless he himself admitts he has a problem which of course he won’t.Talking to someone who understands really helps.Believe me you are not alone,but I don’t have an answer. I’m just always hoping that I will get my son back.Like Claire said they may have to bit rock bottom before they come back to us.Stay strong.Yes the doctors can help as they gave me some tabs to help me sleep.My friends are a great support aswell.My thoughts are with you. It would be nice to post a positive outcome one day ☺

[maggie]

Thanks Amber it sounds like we are going through the same thing. Unfortunately my son has just admitted the that he does cocaine now and that was why he lost his place at the night shelter! He was doing it every day at one time but hasn’t got the money to do it as much now. I also think the drugs have altered his mind and attitude. As you say let’s hope they will come round and seek help and we can post something positive in the future. Fingers crossed for everyone going through this sort of thing.

[winny]

my son is a grown man who is an alcoholic and also takes pills he is 48 broke up withhis wife2 year ago and lives with me .he has mental health issues he attends a clinic who has not helped one bit in fact he has got worse he has hit the drink even harder he wont go for help for his drinking as he says he doesn’t want to live he has tried suicide when I phone the crises team they tell me to phone police who wants to do that to their son think my only optionis to call police iv had 3 heart attacks and a mild stroke

[cant-take-no-more]

Drugs have a massive effect on a persons mental health…I see it with my son…he’s been doing drugs on and off for 8 years….I have seen it all! I won’t have him live with us , mainly because he’s so tempremental….and I don’t trust him! A good friend said to me if he’s old enough to put that shit in his body then he’s old enough to sort out where he lives….she has s point! Why is it that as parents we feel we need to take care of them..they are grown men ffs! I only see my son when he’s trying to help himself…I’m done with the self pitying bullshit..I am just as important as him, and if I’m stressed and anxious all the time, my fsmily suffer my health suffers and I’m no good for anything…..Winny Hunni, please don’t put up with it any more….you’ve had 3 heart attacks…please take care of yourself….xxxx

[maggie]

Thanks for all your comments. It’s dreadful watching your kids ruin their lives whether it’s through drink or drugs. Your friend has a good point saying if they are old enough to put it in their body they are old enough to sort out where they live. I’m staying strong and sticking to our decision not to have him live with us as I also know I can’t trust him.
Winny, you must put yourself first now, you have helped your son as much as you can but it isn’t helping your health with all the stress he is causing you so please please take care. X

[cant-take-no-more]

Maggie, it’s so hard to trust an addict….I never give money…..if he needs to eat, I buy meals…we have had our hearts ripped out, and it has effected all the fsmily and extended family…I have had to let every one know not to give cash…I use to feel embarrassed, but that’s gone now…I’ve stopped making excuses for him, and bailing him out….I know he can stay sober cause he’s done it for over a year….at the moment he’s trying to recover….only he can do it unfortunately ….stay strong Maggie,and hugs to you x

[endofmyteather]

This is my first message on here, and probably the first day when I have realised that I don’t think I can ever help my son. He’s 20 in December and has smoked cannabis since he was 16. Like all of you I have had to watch my little boy, turn from a talented, intelligent, happy kid to a complete mess. I have done the fatal thing and let it go on, hoping that it would get better. When he left collage 2 years ago, I gave him a job with me until he found a job that he wanted, and decided what carrier path he wanted to take. He lived with me, my husband (not his dad) and my younger son. He had money, a roof over his head, didn’t have to pay anything towards his keep as his wage was low, food, and our love and support. In the evening he would also go out, always to pick up weed, and god knows what else, and he would come back stoned pretty much every night. At weekends he would stay a with friends, so I have no idea what he used to get up to there…no good I assume. it was pot luck each morning, as to what mood he would wake up in, or if he would get up at all…the stress was enormous, worrying and literally begging him to get up. I never knew how he would react, but as time went on the moods were more angry, with throwing stuff, shouting and door slamming. At times I would be in tears trying to pussy foot around him, just to get him to work. He wouldn’t speak to me on those days…just grunt answers to me, sitting, hiding under his hoodie, half asleep. Some days he would be fine, and I would see my son up happy, joking, smiling…which was a joy to see. The issue was, he kept taking the weed. I am so scared that he will get caught by the police, so I allowed him to smoke a joint in the garden but he was not allowed to have friends round to do the same. It soon became apparent that he was smoking weed every day, I have no idea how many, but I would guess at least 3 joints a day. Some weed would just knock him out, other types would stink the house out and make him really aggressive. I tried to talk to him, to make him understand that he was harming himself, but he sees no wrong in it. He is insistent that there is a government conspiracy to keep cannabis illegal, that it cures cancer, and even made me watch a show telling me that it was totally safe. I remember thinking…what the hell is going on in his mind? He was always skint, borrowing money, getting aggressive and moody when he had no money ….making our lives hell. It was getting unbearable, my husband and I started arguing about it, because he couldn’t understand why I was being so protective . In my mind I was trying to keep some normality in his life, by making him go to work, giving him a roof over his head, hot meals etcetc. I was also beginning to get very stressed, laying in bed until God knows what time, waiting for my son to open the front door, only then did I know he was safe for a few hours, but still dreading the fact that I had to try and wake him in the morning. The worry was/ is overwhelming and I felt/ feel totally alone. About 2 months ago, my son decided he wanted to go and live with his friends. They have a house about 20 miles from us. We moved all his stuff, and he said that he would be working in the local pub, where his friends work too. He seemed to be doing ok, but this last 2 weeks, he has started and left the job, walking out when it got busy, and getting sacked, because he was ill and had a row with the boss. He came home for a night and is really sick. He said he doesn’t know what he wants and the only thing that makes him happy is weed. I was so shocked when I saw him. He looks dreadful..it broke my heart. I am ready to have him back home, but my husband said no and I am caught in the middle. I called Frank, and they said that he needs to realise himself that his life is back because of his habit, that he’s I’ll because of his habit, that he’s sick because of his habit. He is talking suicide now….twice in one week, he’s fallen out with his friends, lost his job and has no money. He came home another night….was really rude, just walked in, went to his room and slept. The next day, I came home fro work and he was still here, we spoke about him staying, he said no, went into town, came back smelling of weed, then left to go back to his new house. It’s so hard, I don’t know what to do….take him back and risk my marriage, knowing full well that my son is an adict, but is not prepared to help himself, or turn my back on him…..which I don’t know if I can… I am at the end of my teacher with worry, stress and the fear that my son will never know a good life because he can’t see further than his next joint.

[maggie]

Hi endofmyteath, it’s an awful situation to be in. We don’t envisage this when we have our kids. I know how you feel, it’s so hard seeing them destroy their lives. My son is still homeless although we have him stay at weekends. He sofa surfs with all sorts I believe in the week and goes to a charity run centre weekday mornings for showers, food, drink and advice etc but it isn’t open at weekends so has no where to go. As a parent I can’t bear the thought of him starving and cold all weekend so go 20 miles to collect him on Friday, feed him up, and take him back Monday. It’s putting a strain on us as It’s like having a young child again as I don’t feel I can trust him to be left so have to take him to his brothers to stay the night if my husband and I want a night out. Some weekends he’s not too bad and helps out other times he just sits about looking utterly miserable. It must be boring for him staying with us at 28 after having had his own place for several years but it’s his own fault he lost it and jobs and his friends through stupid drugs. I just don’t know where it’s all going to end. He went out for a couple of hours yest and I’m sure I could smell weed when he came back so suspect he’s still doing it despite agreeing he wouldn’t whilst staying at ours. I get cross and say I won’t get him if he doesn’t stop but with winter upon us I don’t know if I can go though with it. He looks so much better after staying the weekend having slept properly, been fed, shaved etc. and I suppose I still have some hope he can turn his life round but for how much longer I don’t know. I hope we can post some positive outcomes one day. In the meantime stay strong and look after yourselves. X

[maggie]

Well my son is now 30 and having found a room to rent and a job a year ago I thought things were improving for him. However, he has managed to lose his accommodation and several jobs and is now on bail and due in court for a crime I believe was to get money for drugs and so the misery goes on! He has a roof over his head at the mo but fear the next one will be a prison cell. I just can’t see where this is all going to end. I live in hope he will turn his life around and see him most weeks to keep lines of communication open but can’t keep trying to sort his problems out. He is a man now not a boy!

[swifty]

Your story reminds me of my life 20 years ago. My husband didnt have his own business, but made big money in the RN. He was alot older than me, charming, charismatic, funny and very kind, he did alot for his family and several hangers on, but when his addiction to alcohol, took over and destroyed our lives, no one wanted to know, he lost us everything, I was stupid enough to stay with him for 11 years, always remembering the lovely side of his nature, then I became too ill to deal with him. We divorced and he lived another 13 years and we remained friends, I used to visit him, but if problems arose I left, he couldnt manipulate and control me the same, when I had my independance. He had a stroke 7 years before his death and was left in a bad state, he couldnt drink and couldnt live alone, I took him in and was his carer for those last 7 years, not his wife or partner, I am glad when he was sober, he was a delightful character and Im glad we parted through death as friends, but my love, think of you now and the lives of your children. I hope you have support off friends or relatives? All my love and stay strong x

[jr]

My storey seems to similar to most. I have a 25 year old son hooked on Cocaine, started with canabis. Comes from a loving family and still lives at home, has lost jobs and suffers with paranioa. I have just returned from hospital this morning as he had up all night going through every cupboard, drawer and suitcase, as apparently we are trying to set him up. This is having an impact on my health and career and all because i cant show tough love and throw him out. I am paying off his debt, which keeps growing. He’s sorry for putting me through this and promises it won’t happen again. I find it hard finding the right support for him? Please help!!

[cant-take-no-more]

Tough love works…my son will be 25 years old Sunday…they are men not kids,,,it took me a while to change my mindset, but we can’t save them, we can only support them ..and I only support him, when he’s trying to recover….they drain every emotion out of you, frustrate you, and lie….the worst thing is you want to believe their far stretched stories, well reality check..don’t believe a thing they say, don’t give them money because all your doing is enabling them to continue with their behaviour….t took me 4 years to realise I wasn’t enough, and my heart ached for the handsome, articulate lad I had who would do anything for anyone…..I now get support from a parent group , and will not be part of the problem…..I love my son completely, and always will, but will only support him, whilst he’s trying to get clean….stay strong ladies and read everything and anything you can…try and find local support groups and hold your heads up high xxxxx

[maggie]

I know exactly how you all feel, I’ve put up with exactly the same for years but have had to toughen up and come to the conclusion that my 28 year old son won’t change unless HE wants to. I have done all I can to try and help him and I believed he wanted to change his ways but it was all talk and no action! I’m not bailing him out anymore or giving him money. I will always be here for him for a meal or buy him toiletries etc but that’s it until I see evidence that he has changed. He was such a sweet boy, you never think it could happen to your family and such a shock when it does. I also dread the thought of winter coming and him being homeless. Perhaps they have to get this low to bring them to their senses! Stay strong and look after yourselves ladies.x

[buffy]

My son is 16 stole money from bf for cannabis and I don’t know wot do help

[jr]

Hi,
A year later and same old blog. My sons probably on his 3rd job of the year. He’s working away which gives me a reprieve, don’t know how long it will last. Today I made the decision to cut him off. I have blocked him in every way to contact me and wrote him a lengthy letter. I have tried taking him to group therapy, he went in and walked back out, I have taken him to the doctors and made countless appointments, I have paid for a private councilling session, which went well but he never returned and I arranged a visit from rehab which he refused to go to. I know in my heart i have taught him right from wrong and have tried all I can. It’s down to him. I have told him I will be here when he is making attempts to help himself. Trying to stay strong but it’s heartbreaking. x

[kms2014]

I have only just seen these replies. Sorry
So here I am 2 1/2 months on. Our family home is up for sale. His behaviour has got worse. I dont hear from him for days in end. He hardly comes and sees his children. The ones he said he’d die for. What a wicked thing addiction is.
I am still unravelling the financial mess he got us in and although some days are really tough, i feel like everything is within my control. I dont have the added worry of stressing about him too. I have been in touch with a debt charity called StepChange who have been a massive help. I can finally sleep at night.
Although i feel sadness when i see my ex, i no longer feel i need to “rescue” him. I think i hoped that the seperation and house being put up for sale would give him a wake up call but it hasn’t. In fact he has developed a bigger “victim” mentality and everyone else has the problem,not him.
I am incredibly lucky in that i have totally supportive parents, friends and employer. I can finally see the tiniest glimmer of hope in what has been a very very long tunnel.

[icarus-trust]

Hi,
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust that supports family and friends of addicts. We have offer a free service called family friends for people, like yourself, who would like to talk with someone who would understand what they are dealing with. Our volunteers are all trained and experienced.
If you think it would be helpful please contact us. You might find talking will help you to see a way forward and you could also be signposted to other services that are available to your husband.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that you can get some help for yourself as well as your husband.

[swifty]

This season will be tough but it will pass, I keep telling myself…I have never prayed so much and Im not that religious. You have a admirable attitude and I am so happy to hear you have good support . My son has also at present got the victim mentality, blaming everything on me, I no longer feel sorry, because it is pathetic and cruel, he has nearly broken me this year, but I am stil here and calmer than I thought, I would be. Wishing you love and luck and the best of everything, life will get better x

[icarus-trust]

Hi
If you would like to talk with people who would have experience of what you are living through with your son please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports the family and friends of addicts. We could put you in touch with one of our Family Friends. These are our experienced trained volunteers who you could talk with if you think that would help. Maybe it would help you to make sense of what you having to deal with and find out what other support there is out there for both you and your son.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that this helps.

[dkwtd]

Thanks for your replies. My brother is currently off meth so my mum says its all ok, cynically I think he’ll be back on it soon enough so i’ll keep the Icaras details, thanks

[cazandyx]

When you say please help.. It would suggest to me you recognise you need to make changes, which is a great place to be, so be proud you are feeling this way.
Change is always scary and you know more than me in terms of what you need to do and how difficult initially it’s going to be.
But stay focused on how much better your life will become when you take back the control from the wicked addictions you sadly have.
There is help out there, stay strong and focused on those around you that love you dearly. Take everyday as it comes… what’s ahead will far exceed what any addiction will bring.
Stay strong and focused and be proud of yourself x

[icarus-trust]

So sorry that you are in a bad situation but CazAndy is right that you should feel proud that you are taking steps to make some changes.
Icarus Trust is a charity that can help people in your situation. We offer a free service so you might want to make contact. We can help you find the help that you might need as well as providing you with a trained volunteer, called a Family Friend, who you (or your family)could to talk to one to one in confidence.
Why not give it a go it might help you to take back control ?
Please contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that this helps and that you get through this. Good luck!

[Author]

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