[waltonfam]

I’m struggling with who this man now iafter he was addicted to coke and alcohol.

We met when we were 15. He was my one. He was life and soul and everyone knew when he was in the room. He was spoilt by his mom and dad (only son). Whatever he had he wanted more. I was ambitious in wanting a large family and to live with my knight in shining armour and one day live in rural beautiful country life with kids/grandchildren.

He was always a sociable drinker who could drink a lot but never an alcoholic. We had fun together with friends. Crude but we were couple goals (so we were told)

Life took its toll. Companies, financial

Worry – he drank More. He also got fit. He met a woman and started an affair. This woman was just the lowest of morals and dirty. I knew why this had happened…….. We got over this. We Met newfriends and one in particular was very rich man. Husband started the Coke and my god he loved it. I didn’t know he was taking this. One line was never enough. What we witnessed and especially the children was horrendous. It was Coke and then also heavy drinking.

Where did he go? He was unrecognisable. He was always loving, caring, kind and I was his wife on the pedestal.

He eventually went to rehab. He came out of rehab now smoking. He could t cope with my recent parents deaths whilst he was in rehab. Our lives were all shattered. He left again for 4 months. Only saying, doesn’t want this anymore. He met again another woman (woman from rehab) ????. Well obv that turned to disaster.

I know this man has always loved me. He tells me he does and then those letters “sorry” . Now means nothing. He can’t cope with life. He can’t accept my opinions, my values, my thoughts, my advice. He says I think I’m on a pedestal and treat him like shit. He still drinks, not like he used to but wants to drink sociably with me. Yeah ok. Kids find bottles of wine hidden. His excuse he doesn’t want kids seeing him drink. Obv that’s just devious. If kids feelings bothers you – Don’t drink!

He is niggly with our daughters 20 & 22 because they express their concern of him and how he treats me. Says horrible things, manipulates, thinks I’m on his back even though girls say I let him get away with too much, teenage girls just can’t bear his way of talking to me and the way he gets moody and demands to be spoken to like a father even though he hasn’t been one for many years. They can’t understand why I want him. Trouble is, I remember we who he was. My problem is I can’t believe who he is now. I can’t let go of the person he was. It breaks my heart. We are 50, married 24 years……..We have good days but everyone knows bad days will come and it’s always what he has said, done or not done that starts it off. His way of thinking,prioritising. When he left he got himself 2 puppies. we now have 5 dogs. 2 don’t get on. Our life is now manic. 5of us, 5 dogs and a turbulent family. When he lets us down, he runs. SAYS HE LOVES ME BUT JYST DI WHAT YOU WANT – DO YOU WANT ME TO GO. I say I’m don’t want you to go nor stay, I just don’t want to be treated and feel this way. He ALWAYS ENDS UP GOING…… we know the pattern. It’s ridiculous. Next day he acts as if nothing has happened and just says I don’t want this to keep happening, let it go. He just doesn’t realise or understand the pain an argument like that has in us as a family. It’s as if it’s the norm.

I’m starting to realise my husband, my knight in shining armour died many years ago. I can’t fall out of love with this person who stands in front of me. On days I see him, other says I’m “who is this”. My man would hate you. If anyone hurt me, he would have killed them.

I don’t know where to turn, what to do. I know what I would say to others. He promises me – nothing ever changes.

How long does this go on for? Surely if you truly loved someone you would always show respect and do everything to make something right.

Does this not count for ex addicts? ????

[lillyrose41]

My heart breaks for you . I’m dealing with the same thing . It’s like they have two personalities. I always say to him how he is missing the kids lives . He hides from us and then gets on me for everything . I just never feel enough . I don’t under why they are the way they are . You would think they would want more out of life than what they are doing . Kids don’t understand and my eldest does but stays in her room to ignore the bs . We shouldn’t have to be this way . I just told him I miss the man I married but apparently he says nothing has changed . Hang in there ❤️

[waltonfam]

Ditto. I have done everything to keep the family together and focused in telling them kids to trust me, we will get through this, dad will get better. But now the kids are saying I was as bad as their dad staying with him. I think they have lost respect. They say we have ruined their childhood and given them memories they will

Never forget. I feel absolutely terrible and can’t bear they feel I have let them down. They said I involved them. I couldn’t help they witnessed him and my reaction. We are all close, they hear and we then talk. This became a pattern over the years but now say I told them too much ????. I’m open and felt they would understand why we have to help dad. They want me to leave him or they will leave if dad doesn’t change by getting help.????. Our kids are 22, 20 and 13. I love them to bits and this has cut me deep with feeling I have let them down. Have I been a fool. I’m certainly not strong and trust me he never gets away with it. I don’t stand for any nonsense but I remember him and who he was and who I know he wants to be.

[Author]

Posts