[regdavmab]

Partner has been a functional alcoholic for years but no one ever used that term because he was ‘fine’. But for a month now it’s like his body has reached its limit and now the alcohol is visibly affecting him which is strange in itself as this is someone who could drink a bottle of spirits and you’d barely notice, but he has become severely unwell recently like a stereotypical alcoholic. He got so bad last week I had to take him to A&E after the GP said it was Covid which it wasn’t! He had an overnight stay where the liver specialist told him he will die if he continues and is now engaging with an alcohol service. The hard thing was he went 24 hours without drinking and they made him ‘better’ with drips etc., but then sent him away the next day saying he had to carry on drinking as it was unsafe to stop. This really bought him down as he thought he’d turned a corner and got the ball rolling. The way he is feeling so unwell right now since being home and back to drinking I do think he is determined and wants to change but I’m not naive to think this won’t be very hard. I don’t think I know who he is sober and I’m worried that he will become depressed and not enjoy life. With alcohol he isn’t the happiest person anyway and I know he believes that drink somehow calms him down and stops him getting angry etc, (childhood issues). The main thing is his health of course but what I just mentioned is very concerning. I barely drink anyway so have no problem abstaining but as I said who will he be sober? And will

anyone help with possible medication for sleeping and anger? We’ve been through enough these past 5 years and I don’t think I can cope with him being so unhappy, I feel like I’m always the one looking after him and sorting and solving everything. I just want a break and some peace, plus we are meant to be starting a family, I’m almost 34. My next question is that he has told he will be ‘fast tracked’ for detox. Obviously not privately. Is this likely to be at home or at a facility? Does anyone know how long these things take to get started and what it entails? I know how strained the services are but I don’t think his body can cope much longer and if the wait continues I think he’ll just give up and lose any shred of motivation. He has his first telephone appointment with the nurse today. Thanks everyone and hope you’re all doing as well as you can

[bt1978]

Hey Reg

Well done for posting that.

It is true that to top drinking suddenly is dangerous, sometimes even fatal which might sound weird as drinking is the very thing making your partner so unwell.

The detox is likely to be at home (I think) the nurse will be able to confirm though. It’s good he is being fast tracked as anything NHS wise usually takes a really long time. See what the nurse says.

I hear what you are saying about sleep and anger, my personal view is not to take pills for this as anything prescribed is likely to be highly addictive and cause problems further down the line. This of course is only my opinion and I am not a doctor.

Once he is detoxed properly its csn be a tough time as there is nowhere to hide and no drink to nb any of what he is feeling, for me it’s critical that he takes action ASAP to avoid a relapse.

AA have a ton of online meetings. They are super helpful and he will meet people in the same boat as him, that may help with anger as he will get understanding and also a programme of action which can help him straighten out. It’s also important that he works on the trauma through counselling so that he can reconcile and move forwards.

The super encouraging thing reading your post is that he looks like he’s ready to stop and get on with recovering which is a huge advantage as many don’t even get there.

I have been sober 12 years, if I can help answer any questions happy to do so

[regdavmab]

Thank you so so much for responding, I really appreciate it. And wow, 12 years! Amazing. Today wasn’t a good day. The Nurse called and explained detox isn’t a quick process especially as it sounds as though he needs inpatient detox. I am at my limit and physically my partner is too. He looks so unwell, can barely walk or open his eyes, is weak, slurs his words, problems with the toilet, I have to walk him to the bathroom, and now there are stomach pains. Most of this has been going on for a month. I wanted to take him to hospital but he got angry/upset and said they didn’t help last time just sent him home and told him to drink again. I’m shocked at how much his tolerance has changed since before a month ago, it almost makes no sense. You couldn’t even tell he’s had too much to drink before so this is all new to me and baffling. He has been reducing drinking as advised and it’s much more spaced out but this doesn’t seem to have helped at all and he’s getting worse. I of course worry which sounds like nagging and in turn he gets frustrated and angry so I made a decision to just leave it, back off, switch off and wait for the people to call back and let me know whats happening even though I think at any minute his body could give up, I just don’t know how much more it can take. He hasn’t left his bed for a month and I had to do the nurse assessment today over the phone because he couldn’t speak, I’m lucky they still went ahead. His GP is calling me tomorrow for a follow up about his hospital visit as he won’t even be capable of talking. I wonder if I explain how bad my partner is and how I can’t cope for much longer if he has any leverage on him becoming an inpatient more quickly…I’ve looked at the private cost and it’s just out of the question. I guess it’s a waiting game. Thanks so much again for listening

[regdavmab]

Great advice, thank you

[bt1978]

Honestly it’s no bother.

It sounds like his body had given up on him completely, alcohol can work like that.

It is well known that you don’t tell someone to stop drinking as the withdrawal can be fatal – I read somewhere that it’s akin to bemzo withdrawal but don’t quote me on that as I am no doctor.

Detox is going to be horrible, but the only way in his condition. They typically prescribe meds. I’m not sure what happens if they do a home one though.

Do you have support at all?

[regdavmab]

I am lucky I have my Mum who I’ve told. My partner doesn’t have much family and doesn’t want them to know as there are not many relationships there, his Mum knew he was in hospital but not much more than that. I’m just concerned what will happened from now until detox, I assume we just wait unless something bad happens and he needs the hospital. I do understand he can’t stop drinking immediately, completely. I just don’t know how long he can carry on drinking for. Do you know the rate of relapse? Thanks again, I don’t want to patronise you but honestly, 12 years! Fantastic

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