[andyt]

My partner is causing problems with her drinking. She agreed to seek help and today she had a call from a “support charity”

They have said they can’t help her as she doesn’t

Need to drink

Have withdrawal symptoms

And has stoped drinking( for two weeks).

They’ve also suggested couples counselling ( I totally agree with this).

They have also offered her women’s aid number to her, to get help with me “controlling her”.

Am I wrong in finding this all a bit odd?

When she has been drinking I’ve been abused and assaulted. I’ve begged her to address her drinking and even had to involve the police a few weeks ago.

The controlling part comes from me saying if the drinking continues then I will walk away. She has tried to come up with excuses to drink” I can’t visit this friend or tht friend and not drink” as well as “it’s a birthday and I want to drink”.

I’m

Actually doubting myself now.

[hox]

Don’t doubt yourself. My sister is an alcoholic and has said this before about her husband controlling her. Like you say, it’s when you say you are leaving if the drinking doesn’t stop. That’s what they mean as control. It isn’t of course.

My sister was abusive and violent to her husband and myself over many years. There was always an excuse to drink. Even though to a normal person there is no excuse to drink, you don’t have to justify it like an alcoholic does.

Well to cut a long story short, my brother in law had had enough abuse and violence and he made her leave the family home. She lost everything just because she wanted to drink. After losing everything I forced her to go to AA. She went and realised she was an alcoholic. She goes to meetings every week, has had a couple of relapses but on the whole she feels much better now. She has her life back, but AA has been the answer for her. Other organisations tried to help but were useless and that is coming from me.

I wish you both the very best.

[mrschats]

I had same experience from NHS recommended support centre. My had downplayed the amount he drunk (as he always does) but it was still a significant amount, daily and sustained over months. The suggestion was that they had seen far worse and that he wasn’t physically dependent. He’s taken this as he is fine to continue. I now cannot get him to get help. I know unless I leave he won’t do anything about it. He won’t leave. It would have to be me. I’m so unhappy with the message that he got from so called help.

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