[kitkat]

Hello everyone. I’ve never posted anywhere like this before and I never in a million years thought I’d ever have to.

My boyfriend is an alcoholic and it’s breaking my heart.

We met just over 2 years ago and life was sweet. We bith liked to go out and we both used to get a bit drunk. We laughed like no one cared and we always had such a good time together.

He has one son from a previous relation ship and I have my two sons too.

We steadily introduced the kids and before long we were out as a little unit and loving life.

He’s always liked a beer and it’s the only thing I’ve ever seen him drink other than coffee or water.

He has a decent job altho he hates it. His son is his world and he cares a great deal about his dad who is now on his own since the passing of my partners mother 2 years ago.

His life is good but after a while he seemed to change.gettibg very drunk and being rude to me. One weekend he went on a massive bender and I couldn’t get hold of him at all… It was awful. We had words and it seemed to blow over but he was never quite the same. Later in the year I found out that on that weekend he’d slept with someone else. It broke my heart. However he was drunk and so I sort of excused it as it ‘wasn’t really him’. Over the past year he seems like he’s unhappy quite a bit. I try and try to make him happy but it’s like I’m banging my head against a brick wall.

This is so hard because when he’s sober he’s the most amazing person you could ever meet. He’s helpful and polite and ok yet there’s an unhappiness there.

2 weeks ago we had a falling out because I went to meet him on a Sunday after work and he was pissed in the pub. He was horrible to me and asked me to leave. Told me to get out etc and that I was embarrassing and pathetic. Again my heart broke.

A friend came to pick me up and we saw him stagger out of the pub to go home. She called him over to her car and he told me to meet him at the house. So I went up there.

I saw his dad and I cried my life out to him and he said he’d talk to him.

A while later my partner came home, still horrible.

I asked him to talk and he got me out in the kitchen. We argued and he went to step forward to me and I went to get him out of my face but as I did so, he fell over backwards and landed on the floor. He went nuts and I ran out to my friends car and he told me we were over. He was shouting it at me as I left.

We spoke again that night but he wasn’t sober and he finished us saying that his head has dark thoughts and all he cares about is his little boy.

It was like he knew what he was saying yet he was all over the place. He finished us again.

His ex rang me (we get on well) asking if I was OK as he’d text her to tell her he felt like shit but he’d ended us. She asked why and he said it was because it just ‘wasn’t happening’..he just kept repeating those words and that All he wanted was his little boy

Then came calls from his family asking if I was OK and I really wasn’t.

I couldn’t understand why he’d ended us.

The following day they all spoke to him and he told them we were done. Yet no reason.

Then the next day he called from work to ask if I was OK. Of course I told him I wasn’t. He needed me to relay all of what had happened because he couldn’t remember.

He was apologetic and wanted to talk more so we agreed to meet. I didnt know if he wanted to sort our relationship out or what but I agreed.

We sat and talked the following day and he didn’t really say much. I asked him what he wanted and he asked me what I wanted and I told him that all I’ve wanted is for us to be normal and happy and settled but apparently the other night he didn’t want that any more so I needed to know what he wanted.

He said he wanted us to carry on as we Had been before it happened and he told me he’s got to curb the benders. Hell always drink but needs to recognise when he has to stop before he gets horrible.

I agreed to support him if he wanted but he didn’t seem interested. It’s like he wants to forget and move on.

I’ve asked him if he’s alright since and to an extent we have carried on like it’s not happened but my heart still hurts pretty bad.

I mean, why would someone end a relationship like that and then pregltend like they never said those words.

I’m confused. I just do t know if he’s coasting with me and just goubg through the motions etc and I have asked him if he’s happy etc to whish he’s said yes.

He’s curbed his drinking a little and not had so much but obv still does drink.

I just can’t seem to mo e past why he’d say that and end us if he didn’t mean it.. Or if he’s backtracked for an easy life and just sticking with me after what his family have said. They all love me and think I’m decent.

I have heard that a drunk mouth speaks sober thoughts etc and that’s bothering me.

I just don’t know where I stand anymore. His ex said he’s a great man and that I should stick with him because he’s a wonderful person.. but it’s eating me up.

I don’t want to end up even more hurt than I am. Can someone help me please. I’m dying inside right now x

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