[desperatemum2]

Hi everyone. I’ve just joined today. I’m hoping that I will feel a little less alone and heartbroken by finding people going through similar, but my 38 year old son came to live with me 4 months ago, upon release from prison (for alcohol related offences). He promised it would be a new start, but it hasn’t been. He’s drinking heavily and the other day I had to involve the police as he became very frightening. He is always verbally abusive when he’s been drinking and his room constantly smells of alcohol and the floor is covered with drink bottles and cider cans. I didn’t press charges and he came home and said sorry and can’t understand why I simply can’t bear to talk to him. I’m scared of him. He’s 6’8″. The neighbours heard all the shouting , and the police called to interview them too – so I feel very ashamed. I probably sound selfish, but I have been trying so hard for 20 years and now I’ve just reached the point where I don’t think he will ever change. My mum died two months ago and I am trying to hold down a full time job with long hours, and look after my 92 year old dad. My tiny house is getting ruined and I’ve lost the will to live myself. Can anyone offer hope, or at least advice please? Thank you

[lindyloo]

Hi DM2

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story with us.

I’m so sorry to read that your son’s behaviour/addiction is upsetting you and your home.

I wondered if the prison had him on any sort of detox or rehab program similar to the AA 12 steps? Is he aware that his drinking is a major issue?

For support for you, Drugfam has counselling and the Icarus trust posts here too, also the Adfam homepage offer advice and support.

My 29yr son has alcohol and cocaine addictions, thankfully is currently I recovery thanks to AA and CA groups.

I also post on the Theresa thread- click above to “share your story ” and scroll down.

It’s all mums with sons with addictions offering support and advice and no one judges you. Everyone is kind and helpful.

I truly wish I had the answers but for now, know that you’re not alone in this nightmare.

Take care, sending ❤️

Lx

[desperatemum2]

Hi Lindyloo

Thank you so much for replying. I really hope that your son recovers – so many people do seem to have the strength to live a sober and clean life.

Unfortunately, my son still doesn’t seem willing to put in the immense work needed. I realise the future is scary for him, but there aren’t even the tiniest signs that he wants to change.

There was nothing in prison – because of Covid, all activities were cancelled. He spent 23 and a half hours in a cell throughout his sentence. Just before he was released, his cellmate got Covid and he was made to stay in the cell with him, so by the time he reached me, he had Covid too.

This morning he was out at 10am getting alcohol. I think he is stealing much of it, as he’s on benefits and they don’t cover much (although I have no idea how much he is getting and I hope he isn’t lying about his circumstances). He also gets prescription meds from the doctor, has a daily methadone prescription and then buys diazepam and other stuff from the internet when he gets his benefit money.

I’ll look at the Theresa thread right now, and will look out for the other recommendations you’ve given me too.

Just to know there are other people out there who understand is a huge thing.

You take care too, and thank you again ❤️

[lindyloo]

Such a shame that there was nothing for him in prison. I know they are there as a form of punishment – but more has to be done by way of rehabilitation.

He needs to realise himself that he needs help, until that happens- it’s just a waiting game and self – preservation for you.

Please look after yourself as best as possible. Let him know that you love him and will support him when he’s ready to accept help- But his behaviour is totally unacceptable as it is.

My son is doing well- 1 Yr free of alcohol and cocaine- a miracle. I thank God every day, but continue to pray for his strength to fight this evil of addiction.

Stay strong my friend ❤️

Lx

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