[skyehigh]

My daughter is an alcoholic and has been for over a decade. She is just out of rehab and drinking again. She has a partner and a toddler and I have moved past trying to help her to only being concerned that my grandchild is safe. In the main the dad does a very good job of this but he struggles with setting boundaries for my daughter. He says one thing ‘if you are drunk and argumentative once more you need to leave” and then doesn’t follow through – or follows through for one night after the police have had to be summoned then lets her back in to do it all again.

From my reading and understanding this is a form of enabling? Am I right? By giving her no consequences she has no reason to stop. It’s easy for her to ignore anything I say as I don’t live with her.

She lies constantly to everyone- therapists etc included which I worry gives her less chance of getting well.

I’m really at the end of my tether – I don’t know what to do – there seems no active support to help the family as a whole. Social Services are involved but she doesn’t engage and the ‘help’ they offer seems to be more telling her partner it’s all his responsibility to keep the child safe. The police pick her up, drop her home, say there’s nothing they can do, she’s spent nights in cells – but no charges. All of this she blames her partner on – he shouldn’t phone the police – he shouldn’t involve SW – he should just keep her secret and let her carry on apparently.

Her temper and anger are fierce and she can be violent toward him when she’s drinking – she has waved knives around while her child was in her partners arms and drives with a drink – which gets reported but they don’t find her in time so can do nothing. She threatens suicide constantly. She has fallen down stairs with her child and refuses to admit the baby is not safe with her.

Has anyone any idea of any steps forward that I can put in place? For the child if not her? I’m really desperate now.

[hox-26]

My brother in-law is the same with my sister. She is an alcoholic and has been for years. He sets boundaries, makes her leave then has her back. He enables her by doing this so she has no boundaries to adhere to. They have a son and I hope he isn’t going to be affected by her behaviour in years to come. It is up to the alcoholic to want to stop and nothing we say or do will make her. I have had to give up.

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