[Janles2014]

My story is not a new one , my eldest daughter aged 45 now has a death wish. She has had a love affair with alcohol since she was aged 14. She has a young child who is passed between her and an ex partner ( he is an alcoholic) . I have tried to help her over the years she’s been evicted lost jobs but managed to get dry this year for 6 months. I was so pleased that she had managed to get back to some semblance of normal and self esteem but she had an injury at work …. And she is back drinking again . I cannot put myself through the worry anymore!! I have been trying to help her for years . Help me what can I do I am at the end of my tether

 

[MHulbert]

Hello, my husband, Used, crack cocaine for about two years that I know. I never seen him do it, but it started with privacy with his phone. Then he started isolating in his garage for many hours and being there overnight. Many nights I slept in my bed by myself. We began arguing every day because I was questioning what he was doing. I started questioning the finances. He told me I was overthinking things when I would ask where all the money was. He would tell me we spent it working overtime to make meat, and that money would go to. I got my own bank account and then he told me I was being selfish with my money. It got to the point where I got an apartment for my son and I and then told him I was leaving. We were separated for eight months at the end of his addiction  the day he decided to be done we had to talk. I let him know all the ways he hurt me and the things that he said to me prior to me leaving. During the time we were separated. He looked up a couple girls and brought them over to a bonfire. He was having at the tent. He was living in in his friends backyard. When I left, he couldn’t afford to live in the home that we lived due to it being  Close to foreclosure. He said he did nothing with these two girls. He said the one was a catfish kind of deal where she didn’t look like the pictures she had posted. But she was much older and not as good looking. The other was from his work  And on his drive from her house to the bonfire he decided that she was crazy and he said he didn’t need crazy in his life when he was using crazy and using drugs don’t mix. The crazy he’s talking about was she seemed obsessive. he moved out of the tent and back into the garage of the home where we lived until it was to be foreclosed. He lived in the garage through the winter with his dog. He slept eight and lived in there for eight months after four months of us being apart  he started a relationship with someone we knew. She thought it was a relationship. She was also a Xanax, methadone, and was a heavy drinker on top of it for the first month of their so called affair relationship. He says it was not really a relationship, but to get his needs met when he wanted it sexually. he said she would come over to the garage, a couple times a week, and other weeks maybe once. He said that she asked during their relationship if he loved her. He said he didn’t love her, but he told her he loved her to keep her coming around to meet his needs . He said he did and told her anything she wanted to hear to get his needs met. He said he felt nothing for her and didn’t see it as a relationship. It was a convenience for him. When he didn’t want her there he didn’t have her there . during our talk that we had He said he understood I felt bad for treating me that way he moved back in with me . When he moved back in with me, he was working construction. I didn’t feel comfortable with him working there because that’s where he started using. He said he would find something different. He did find a different job, but would call in sick to work at least once a week. I brought this up to him and he said it was due to all the tax that we were having due to me not feeling secure with things. I would talk to him daily about if he was really sure about being done with the cocaine and that he really didn’t have any feelings for the affair partner and that he really chose me. He has always sent that he loves me with all his heart and that I am his whole world. He states that the drug use put a bad taste in his mouth and he will never do it again. He said he will not let himself or anyone make him go back to using. He says that he knows what he did and that it was wrong, but that the drugs made him that person to lie cheat and treat me like crap. He told me that the reason he seek out the affair partner was because he was using drugs, and because I left, he thought I didn’t want him and he was lonely, and he couldn’t come back to me for his needs because he was using. Now I am trying to Not believe all the manipulation from the past and believe that he is here because he wants to be and that he means the things he says now that he loves me and wants to be a better man and make me happy. I want to believe that the relationship  With the affair partner meant nothing to him, and that it was due to the drugs that he was on and that if he was sober, he would’ve never did it. How do I stop obsessing over the past of his using and stop with the daily Talk for reassurance that he is here  to be a better man and to love me and to never use again.

[jo@adaptoxford.org.uk]

Hi there, this sounds like a very difficult situation for you and I am sorry. I know of a great charity that supports people like yourselves nationwide. The family support programme is all remote and they help many families a year. Please see link and fill in the referral and someone will endeavour to respond within 24 hours. https://adaptoxford.org.uk/the-icarus-programme/

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