[orchidmama93]

Hi everyone, I need some advice. My father in law is a recovering alcoholic. We used to be neighbors, and when he drinks he can be very mean and was physically abusive to my husband growing up.

We moved away and during the 3 years we’ve had distance from him he has started trying to overcome his alcoholism. He has lived with both his siblings and 2-3 recovery shelters, longest time sober has been 6 months and currently 2 months sober.

He most recently moved to our state, saying he wanted to be closer to us and our four children and was staying at a halfway house. My husband called in a favor from a former employer and they were willing to hire his father on the spot a month and a half ago. His father stood up his scheduled interview with them. A couple days ago he left the halfway house without telling anyone and started begging to come live with us. At first I thought I could accommodate for a couple days and said I’d be preparing a space, but he started making me nervous by coming into the house completely unannounced, without even knocking, while I was alone with the kids, and leaving garbage and cigarettes all over the garage and the yard, so I told my husband he would have to find someplace else as it was too much for me. Finally he said he’s homeless now and that’s why he wants to stay here.

He owns a house in another state but doesn’t want to face his wife. I think he needs to go to his own house and I don’t think we should let him crash here at all or we won’t be able to stop saying yes. My husband is worried about him at night so I suggested putting him up at the Econolodge and then having a firm talk about him going to his own house and giving him the money he needs to get there. Is this reasonable of me? My husband’s deep guilt is making me doubt myself, but I know his father will strain our marriage and that he has too little understanding of boundaries right now for me to navigate him on top of mothering my children.

[orchidmama93]

Update: He drank again, so I think we made the right choice. We’re going to get him to rehab/halfway house in his home state.

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