[vmac123]

My fiancé and I have been together for about 7 years. I knew all along he struggled with gambling but it only hit how bad it was when we moved into our home 3 years ago.

Since then, he’s never paid a single penny towards anything and all his money has been gambled away. I have quite a good job so I can handle the bills etc but it’s not really the point – I don’t want to have to keep paying for him.

Then, after we moved in, I noticed he began to drink – a lot! When we first got together, he might drink 2-3 cans on the odd night but now he drinks 8-10 regularly and thinks nothing of it. I’ve also caught him drink driving on multiple occasions and I find cans hidden everywhere. On more than one occasion, I’ve filled in the forms online to report his drink driving to the police but he’s never been caught.

Finally, the other day, I got back from work (I’m a key worker) at 11am and found a half empty bottle of whisky – who drinks whisky at that time of day if they’re not an alcoholic? I know he’s on lockdown and bored which he says is why he drinks / gambles but still!

I’ve also found notes / letters he wrote about his addiction and suicidal thoughts along with a rope with a noose. I’ve tried helping and speaking to him about all of this, I paid for a counsellor and encouraged him to go to GA meetings. Nothing works.

I guess I’m here posting this now because I don’t know what else to do.

Anyone else been here / in a similar place that I can talk to?

[dexter2015]

Hi VMac

I’m sorry to hear about your fiancé. When you have been together for that long you don’t want to give up on them but at the same time your future must seem so bleak if he won’t stop drinking or gambling.

I’ve been with my husband 6 years and had to leave him in February because I couldn’t take it anymore. Like your fiance he had no money and I was supporting him financially and he was drinking 2 bottles of wine day and pints of lager on top of that. I have a teengage son so I had to protect him because my husband was verbally abusive to both of us.

Have you thought about what you want? With people like your fiancé and my husband it becomes so much about them that you lose yourself.

[vmac123]

Thank you for your reply Dexter2015. I have considered that eventually I will have to let him go. I’m trying my hardest to focus on myself at the moment – he’s going to do what he will do no matter what I do. I’m trying to focus on my health, doing some studying for work and rebuilding connections with friends / getting hobbies etc. It’s having a positive effect on my mood so far.

He’s got a hospital appointment on the 30th for some ongoing issues with his stomach – I think they’re drink related but can only wait to see what the doctors say. I think it’s frightened him though as he has been off the drink for a week now except for 3 small bottles yesterday which is major progress. I think it helps that he is back to work himself.I’m not fooling myself into thinking that he will be cured though. I am just going to carry on being focused on myself and if after all of this lockdown business is done there is no better future in sight then I will have to make that break…

I’m sorry to hear about your husband but I am glad that you and your son have made a new start as that doesn’t sound like a pleasant environment at all. I will say that my fiancé is never abusive towards me – I guess that’s one of the reasons why I let things go so far.

I hope that you and your son are doing well in the current climate. It was nice for someone to reassure me that I’m not mad!

[vmac123]

He did really well for 3 weeks. Then, he upped to drinking 12 bottles of Peroni last night. He’s got another 12 now that he’s just started on. I am trying to just distance myself from it – I can’t stop him. I can’t control him. I can only control my reaction so I’ve come up to take a bath and relax with a book. I can do this. I am able to control my reaction – I just need to be strong. I hope you’re well x

[birdyflapflap]

This is like reading my own story, though all with alcohol and none of the gambling. I’m finding it hard to accept that I might have to let go. I feel so alone at the moment.

[vmac123]

It does feel like you’re alone but really we’re not. I think it’s fear of being alone or leaving them alone that makes us stay. I’m so tired and I’m trying so hard to be detached from it all but it’s hard. I just want a life without this stress but I also love him…

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