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I have been with my husband 8 years, married for 3. He’s always drank a bit much and early on in out relationship there were issues around binge drinking and coming home in the early hours of the morning. He’s 5 years younger than me and was still in his 20s then so I put it down to not having grown out of that phase in life.
Fast forward to now. He’s a full on alcoholic. He drinks on an almost daily basis. He lies about this. I find alcohol bottles hidden around the house, in his car, in the garden. He came home from shopping today and emptied it all out…I could tell something else was in the bag still and he eventually pulls out two bottles of wine which he “forgot” were there and he also told me he forgot to pay for so presumably he is now shoplifting!!! I know he has sometimes giving his car!! He’s a chef in a pub and alcohol is readily available. He refuses to leave.
His mental health is terrible. He’s been on anti depressants for months. We ended up at a&e earlier in the week as he was threatening to kill himself. He says he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. I think he’s probably self harming as well.
I’m not close to my family and i don’t really have many friends. I feel very isolated and alone. I’m embarrassed, angry and guilty all at the same time. One minute I’m ready to throw him out the next it’s like nothing is wrong.
I just feel at a loss as to what to do. He says he can change but I feel it’s getting worse everyday.
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I feel you – I was only with my ex for 18months but the paranoia, manipulation, lies, denial were and still are so draining- he says he’s sorting it out now and has an appointment next week but low and behold he’s going to spend all weekend in the pub as it’s the last time he can!!
It’s mentally draining
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Hello,
I’ve been married to my second husband for nearly 5years now but I’ve been with him for 7 years. He’s always been a drinker but now he is drinking 3 bottles of wine a day and on his days off cos by 5/6 bottles.
At first I used to think it was a laugh and I was so head over heels in love with him I just dismissed it but he is losing so much weight and his eyes are yellow.
Like you I have lost family and friends for him and his drinking so I’m stuck too.
Do you have kids with your husband?
I have two from a previous married and they hate my current husband but they come over to stay with me and stay out of his way.
What a life, I’ve asked for help from the social work dept, doctors and even the police but they don’t want to help.
And yet alcoholic is still legal to buy! Maddness
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Hey sorry about your husband, and i have a friend who same a familiar situation as yours, it took a lot of patience for her husband to quit taking alcohol and had to talk to a therapist
you should have a word with your husband to see if it’s okay for him to see a therapist, he should out in work if he’s probably ready to quit drinking, and i hope things work out for you and your husband. xx
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Don’t feel embarrassed; there’s no shame in being married to someone with alcoholism, it’s an illness like any other.
You don’t mention if he has sought any kind of help, other than your trip to A & E. If he’s drunk daily and hiding bottles around the place then it would be good if he could go to see his GP for help with the addiction and with the underlying causes as it sounds to me like he’s using alcohol to self-medicate for his mental ill health.
I have a lot of sympathy for you because my husband is much the same. He was abused by a family member as a child and his parents failed to protect him. This has led to depression, anxiety and some well-buried anger which all finally came to the surface about four years ago when he was pulled over on the M1 absolutely plastered. He went downhill fast, from functioning at work to being drunk at home all day and, after some months of this with all the attendant lying, spitefulness, illogical behaviour and general idiocy I got him into a rehab facility.
It worked so well. A month of counselling and AA meetings and he came home sober and determined to keep on with his recovery, so I would urge you to persuade your husband to get help because if he wants to get well there is support out there.
Unfortunately things went wrong again in February and his occasional lapses are now happening often enough that we need to take action again. However, that’s another story. I just wanted to encourage you that your man can get better if he wants to. Chin up!
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Wow, they sound very similar, our men!
My husband finally mentioned being abused when he was in his mid 50’s. He’d blocked it out so thoroughly he’d never mentioned it to counsellors or anyone and it took a massive skinful plus near hypothermia from being drunk out in the rain one night before it came out.
I wonder if you are somewhere that has a peer support talking group which meets on a Monday night. I don’t think I’m allowed to name them. My one benefits a lot from going there; he didn’t get on with the local addiction group, either. I wish I could tell you the name of the rehab joint we used, they were fab, even though it meant a four hour each way drive to Halstead for visiting.
I, too, hope yours has been sober for the last two weeks. That’s quite an achievement and something really positive to build on.
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Hi Jenni,
Sorry to read your story and sad that you can’t talk with family and friends about how your husband’s addiction is affecting you. I’m so glad that you’ve found this forum but if you would like more support please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers help to people in your situation, dealing with a family member’s addiction.
We have trained and experienced people called Family Friends, who you could be put in touch with if you contact us. May be talking with one of them would help you to feel less isolated and alone and might help to find a way ahead.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck.
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