[long-suffering]

Hi, I’m new here and desperately trying to find a bit of support. It’s a long story but I’ll try to make it consist.

In short – I’ve known my husband 25 years and he’s always been a drinker since as long as I can remember. When we initially met and went out his interpretation of ‘going out’ was always a pub. At the time he had a job – self employed professional. Over the years he has been in and out of work and at present has not worked for over 6 years. He has regularly been drinking 15 large bottles of cider per week at least, for over 10 years I would say. He has been drinking everyday and I’ve seen a bottle at the side of the bed before. I’m pretty sure he used to drink in the morning and also if he woke at night. For years I have pleaded with him to get help. 2 years ago with the help of his mother he did cut down a bit but it just crept up again. This may sound very stupid, but I really was unsure if he had a dependency as he never appeared drink and never lost his temper, not aggressive – none of the stereotypical behaviour of an alcoholic.

I eventually left my husband and moved out of the family home 6 months ago, as I knew I had to do something. The realisation of if I didn’t then this would be my life forever. As I was approaching 50 in a few years I think this was the turning point. We have a child together so I have been on regular contact. On one of the visits our child called me for help, saying dad can’t get up. He was on the floor and couldn’t move (he’s been getting progressively weaker with little leg strength). He couldn’t reach a phone and said he’d been there for about 16 hours. I called 999 and he was admitted to hospital. The ambulance staff said his blood sugar was so low people are usually in a coma. He was also hyperthermic. Since being in hospital he had severe withdrawal symptoms – fits, hallucinations etc etc. He was also tested for a chest infection and spent a week in ICU. After 3 weeks he is still confused at times.

Now he is ready to be moved to rehabilitation and he has to move to a unit when a bed is available. The problem is now that he is so immobile the physio said to me (I visit because I care deeply about his welfare and he has little family and none close by), they don’t know how he will progress and if he’ll improve his mobility and if not they’d look at a longer term placement (I interpreted that as ping term care – a home or similar as they asked about his home circumstances- all geared at finding). Now I am desperately worried as to if he can recover and whether the confused state will go. I understand it is because his liver cannot process toxins and they are not being released out of the body (because he’s not eating much, it’s not being pooed out). To top it all I’ve now stated wondering if I somehow made him worse because I left? I assume that this has happened over years and years of heavy drinking? I just don’t know what to do, particularly as o don’t want our home to find any potential care needs. I’ve worked hard over the years and quite frankly I think I’ve put up with enough. Any thoughts or advice would be so welcome. Thank you.

[long-suffering]

Lots of spelling errors by the way!

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