[LS]

Hi,

I’m lying in bed awake, pretending to be asleep to avoid dealing with my partner who I can hear drinking downstairs.
he’s always drank a lot and his father and brother are both alcoholics but he doesn’t think he is and thinks going on 4 day drinking benders is ok.
since 2020 he’s gotten worse and worse. Briefly he got some help with his anxiety and managed to get better control of his drinking, so we got married and I got pregnant.
he then started to get worse and worse. He’s been mugged, lost his phone, lost his wallet, (resulting in someone using his details to take out a loan), injured himself etc.

I suppose I’ve been enabling it by minimising and normalising it. But with a baby it is too hard to ignore.
In the last 11 days he’s not drank on two of those days. Every other day he’s drunk himself into oblivion. He drinks until he collapses, wakes up and drinks again. He’s mean and I’m terrified he’ll try to hold the baby/drop the baby etc.

whenever he drinks I end up awake worrying all night and guarding the baby incase he tries to pick him up.
he doesn’t think he has a problem and blames me whenever I raise it as if I’m trying to upset him.
I’ve been waiting for him to sober up to discuss it like all of the information says, but he’s never sober. I can’t try to explain (again) what he’s doing to our family when he’s drunk because he’s a horrible person.
I suppose I just need reassurance that this isn’t OK. That it isn’t normal.
he’s planning on a massive night out tomorrow, day 12 of his drinking and I know he’ll start drinking as soon as I take the baby out at 10am. when he’s out I want to leave with the baby and go to my mums for a few days until he sobers up. He will be furious if I take the baby.
It may end our relationship.
someone please tell me I’m doing the right thing.

[paw_x]

Hi LS,

So sorry you’re going through this at this time that should be filled with happiness for you with your new baby.

This isn’t normal and you don’t have to stand by someone who is currently a danger to you and your newborn and who is taking no steps at all to change that. Please, talk to your mum and trusted friends about what is going on. Build up a support network so that you’re not alone in this. For a long time, I tried to believe that my partner was recovering and I didn’t tell anyone about what was going on to protect him. You don’t have to carry that burden yourself, you deserve help and support.

Addicts are also master liars and manipulators and I’m not sure you should believe that someone took out a loan in his name purely by stealing his wallet? His problem might be costing more money than you think.

You don’t need to take abuse. You don’t need to be miserable and upset and fearful of the future. He needs to get help, but you can’t force him to do that, he has to realise for himself. So the best thing you can do is to protect yourself and your baby and build your own life back, try and find your own peace. It’s so hard and scary but you deserve better than what you have right now x

[careaboutyou]

Hi LS,

I relate to your situation so much, although I’m a survivor of my situation. My late husband was an alcoholic and eventually I left just before my Son was 5 ( he’s now 17 ), my husband died. He didn’t die because we left, we left because he was an alcoholic. I was so scared that he would take him, ( my Son ), pick him up in a drunken state when he was a baby. I remember him holding my Son, whilst trying to cook with a frying pan, swaying back and forth over a cooker, I was petrified! Another time he held him whilst trying to cross the road at night, he could barely stand himself, swaying about. I still have PTSD from these incidents.

I got away though, I had to leave, I had to take my 4 year old away for his own protection and for my own sake, so that I could be ok to look after my Son. I relate to the addict being vulnerable whilst drunk and being abused and taken advantage of.

You need to end the relationship, he’s unfit to be a Father, please don’t feel guilty, on the contrary you must do the right thing for you and your child.

Wishing you all the best of luck, health and happiness for the future.xxx

p.s. Do not be phased by custody threats from him. He’s incapable of getting through 1 day sober, he has no grounds to be a responsible Parent, he’s given up that right.

 

[roxi]

1. Hi LS i’m a survivor…my soulmate was an alchoolic addict! It is heartbreaking see them destroy themselves but please listen to the advices of the caring women of the forum:
2. Go with your mum, please…save you and your baby! The things will go worse and worse…nothing can stop them! Only themselves but rarely happened…it’s not a place for you and your child!

[Author]

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