[np002310]

Hey guys, this is my first time on a public forum talking about this stuff.

Just thought maybe it would help, worth a shot right?

Well, my mother has been a severe alcoholic for around 10 years now. Basically for as long as I remember. I have distant memories from when she wasn’t when I was a child but for the most part she’s been plagued by this illness for as long as I can remember and it has taken its toll on me and my family.

She has a tendency to be in a vicious cycle of drinking- always giving in eventually after numerous attempts to get sober. Whether it be cold turkey, two different rehabilitation centers, outpatient care, psychiatric help, and anything she can but she always winds up being ok for a couple weeks and then falling off the wagon and drinking everyday from dusk till dawn and living out of her car and she disappears for a couple days. Leaving me to worry whether sheS even alive.

My siblings and myself have all been moved out of the house for a couple years now, so it’s just her and my father living together. My father has always supported her and tried to help her and god knows this man tries his hardest to help her get past this illness and he breaks his back and his heart doing it.

There’s a sense of guilt that I feel always. For leaving the house, leaving my father alone to deal with her. Guilt for not doing more to help her. Guilt for not calling her and checking in on her more often. Guilt for not doing enough, but I know she has to make the ultimate decision to get better and I know all we can do as her family is try to point her in the right direction and support her efforts to get better. But after so many failed attempts it’s hard to find the will…

It’s incredibly frustrating and we’re all at a loss lately, she is slowly breaking connections with her family and saying harsh things while drunk that have hurt all of us… it’s all very tiring and emotionally draining to worry all the time about her, just don’t know how to help her more.

Thanks for listening, just feels good to put it out there. Glad there’s a forum for this.

[bt1978]

Hi NP

Thanks for sharing, your situation when I read reminded me of my own family in some respects, especially feeling guilty for living your own life and leaving.

It sounds like your mum is trying to get help, but for whatever reason can’t quite stay stopped. I totally get how horrible this can be, but the positive side is that there is some willingness there – many people sit in denial and dont even try.

If your mum has tried everything else reasonable, do you think she would be open to an AA meeting? There are hundreds every day all over the UK. Right now they are on Zoom because of the lockdown which may be better for her right now as she can sit and listen and see if she identifies with other women at the meetings.

My experience of AA was really positive as I met people that thought the same as me and I identified with what they had done and more importantly how they got better and stopped drinking.

Putting the drink (or anything else) down is only half the battle, its trying to rectify the damage you caused and then live a productive happy life without it.

It isn’t for everyone but given it seems like nothing else worked it could be worth a shot

[Author]

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