[sarah986]

I feel really lost, confused and don’t know who to talk to so I’m posting here.

My husband drinks every night and lately it feels worse than ever. He has always drank (his family are big drinkers and almost view it as an offence if you decline a drink at their house). I remember when we initially bought our house together and moved in 6 years ago I was shocked at just how much he drank. I tried to confront it but ended up turning a blind eye to it seeing as he was functioning ‘well’ and it wasn’t affecting me too much. After a drink he’d usually just slope off to his PC until he passed out in the chair playing games with a drink.

Since lockdown things have escalated. He drinks significantly more. He recently visited the village shop so often to buy whisky the lady at the till asked him ‘what is it that you actually do?’. He now uses an online delivery / Uber service to have alcohol picked up and delivered to the house. This has made things worse than ever because he has a virtually unlimited supply of alcohol. If it runs out ..he just has more delivered to the door.

I keep wondering if he is drinking too much or if I’m just being overly picky. I feel almost crazy and keep thinking maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing. This week I counted the units he drank and he’s at 67 units and it’s only been 5 days (and that’s the weekdays the weekends are always much much worse). I’ve googled it and he seems to be way over what is advised.

My husband realised I was counting the units tonight and he was so angry. He has shouted and sworn and me and I’ve had to ask him several times to ‘stop speaking to me like that it’s inappropriate ‘. He twists everything around and says it’s my fault and everyone else’s fault he drinks because he has to be such an ’emotional crutch’ for us all. Although I don’t know how this is the case when he literally does nothing to help me around the house. He just plays video games and drinks during any free time. He doesn’t even make himself meals and refuses to eat with me because he says I eat too early (6pm) and insists on living off Bombay Bad Boy pot noodles.

He has a good job and seems to think that his drinking isn’t a problem because he has a job. He says if he was an alcoholic he wouldn’t be able to have a job like his. I don’t think that is true though. Whenever I try and bring up his drinking he says that it’s my fault he drinks because he has to have a stressful job because he earns more than me. I’ve spoken about getting a better job and even applied for a few but whenever I apply he seems to bring me down and tells me I won’t manage it and won’t manage to work as many hours as him (even though I already work full time now) and I won’t handle the stress. It’s like a catch 22 situation. He blames me for the drinking because my job is less stressful but when I speak about getting a ‘better’ job he dissuades me and tells me I won’t cope.

I haven’t felt like having sex with him lately. It just feels horrible when he smells from not showering or changing his clothes and I can smell the alcohol on his breath. He also says his drinking is because I’m not meeting his ‘needs’…but I don’t want to when he is like this.

I don’t know why I’m typing this really. I think it’s just me trying to get my head around the fact that this isn’t ok. He does have a problem and it’s not ‘normal’ to drink the way he does.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

[rosab]

Hi Sarah. I don’t have any advice as such but please know that you’re not alone. I’ve just come to this website as I’m in a very similar situation with my husband and the whole thing is sending me mad – I can’t talk to my friends about it so it’s all just bubbling away in my head! It doesn’t feel like there’s anything I can do about it, so I guess I just wanted to know that I’m not alone, too. Take care x

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