[alexis]

I am, I suppose in total denial but things are tough. I don’t feel that I can write much on here.. We both had always loved drinking, his drinking would usually mean he would be unable to walk, stand, rarely he would be violent (not ever to me) but to other people. He is like two people, an angel and a devil. It’s difficult to know what personality you will get. However he puts a lot on to me, that things are my fault and I feel I am betraying him by writing this. His drinking came from a former lifestyle. I have been a facilitator. Like feeding a fat child cake to make them happy. I have provided money. I pay for so much but if I ever mention it he withdraws or get cross with me but he hasn’t used me for money at all. He has a good job, but the drink is a constant cloud over our lives. He is taking steps in the right direction because our marriage was almost broken. He sees a counsellor, however I feel angry, disappointed, like things are unfair and I lie to myself all the time and bury my head in the sand. I have started to reveal things to my family now but it’s taken 8 years to get there. I love him so much and I want him to be well but every day is a battle for him and him addressing his feelings. I can’t talk to him about it because it makes him feel so bad and he almost left me because he was upset that he made me upset all the time. I don’t want to live in denial. I want to take the bull by the horns and try and over come this. His parents don’t understand the full extent of this and he doesn’t want anyone to know. Thanks for any help.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Alexis,
Thank you for posting and sharing your story. I know that isn’t always easy to do. It sounds like you have been coping on your own with this for a long time and might like some support for yourself. If you would find it useful The Icarus Trust might be able to offer you some help. We are a charity that supports the friends and families of those with addictions, like yourself. One of our trained volunteers called ‘Family Friends’ would be available to talk with you if you would find that useful. Talking is good and may help you to feel less on your own in trying to overcome this. They would also be able to point out other means of support that is out there.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that you can get some help for yourself as well as your partner.

[Author]

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