[webb1990]

Hey guys…I just found out about this. It makes me feel better knowing im not alone. My bf has been a heroin addict for 12 years. I’ve been with him for 4 almost. His problem is ruining our relationship…he was clean for 10 months up until Christmas time. And now I feel like he is just back in the madness. I’m living with him now but I hate the area and the house. I have savings so could just move Into another houseshare. He’s gone out apparently to buy subutext which he needs more of as he will be ill otherwise. I don’t feel like I have a bf at the moment and I’m starting to enjoy my own company as I’m on my own most of the time anyway. He’s starting to look horrible and ill and I know he thinks the same. When he’s doing well we are amazing together but im not sure if I can spend my life like this. I want a family and children and he has a 7 year old son that he hasn’t seen for 3 years because of his addiction. Any advice would be appreciated. Its just nice to know im not alone x

[kjs]

I’m going through the same so you’re not alone ????

Fiancé has been using and hiding it until I found him smoking

He’s said he wants to get clean, has had an assessment and is booked for dr this week to get on script

I’m struggling though, I can’t trust him

I keep thinking he’s only saying he wants to get clean because he’s been found out. I’m sure he’d rather continue using

I can’t imagine trusting him again, my stomach is in knots, my heart hurts. I feel like I should walk away

It sounds like your boyfriend is still using, the drug he said he’s getting is prescription only.

The lies are soul destroying

Is there anyone you can talk to in real life? Or call drug fam, they’re really helpful

[webb1990]

I’ve been going through it all for 4 years I’m tired. I’ve been looking at rooms to rent in houseshares. I think I just need to move out for me you know. But I know what you mean when you say your heart hurts

[webb1990]

He gets more subtext off the street…aswell as his prescription. Because he’s used he doesn’t want to be ill. I think it would be easier for both of us if I move out…he can concentrate on getting well. Which I know is what he wants.

[kjs]

If his prescription isn’t strong enough he needs to be re assessed

I’d definitely suggest living on your own until he’s clean. Your well-being should be your priority, you can’t control what he does and trying to is torture

I live separate from my partner so I get time on my own. It doesn’t help with the paranoia of not knowing what he’s doing but as I said, it’s out of your control

[webb1990]

How long have you been with your fiance for

[webb1990]

I told him to get back to turning point…go to zoom meetings he says he will but never does. He’s depressed where he’s been using. And living in a houseshare and having one room is a nightmare????he sleeps all day and then doesn’t go to sleep during the night. Where we live doesn’t help either. Theirs addicts everywhere.

[kjs]

Sounds so much like my partner, insomnia at night, sleeps all day. Lives in a house share and has depression. Also a town with a dealer on every street whilst I live in a rural area. He is getting treatment for that now though, only since I noticed certain behaviours and began questioning his honesty

I wish I could say he’s now told me the full truth of his addiction but it’s highly unlikely and something I’ll have to live with

He has been doing zoom meetings but I don’t know if that’s short lived

[webb1990]

Yes exactly that. Well I’ve gone out today as I knew he would be in bed all day. He text saying he’s in a bad way and needs help. That he would tell me everything. But I’ve been here before…he either can’t go on or I find out and he tells me. He has no tablets as he’s sold them all for heroin????so he’s going to be very ill. I have a houseshare to look at tomorrow. I’ve messaged his brother saying that he’s in a bad way but im not sure if they can do anything either.

[webb1990]

I hope your okay x

[kjs]

Oh gosh!

Well he’s in a very vicious cycle. If he’s on script he’ll have to have an assessment and give a sample. I don’t know the repercussions of what he’s doing though

I think you need to move and set boundaries, tell him you can no longer emotionally support him until he gets clean and most importantly seeks help with his depression. Give him a time line. It’s all on him to get better.

I’ve only being going through this a few weeks, I’ve no idea how you’ve got through 4 years!

[webb1990]

Yes exactly. Its tough trust me. And it only gets harder every time they relapse, there’s a chance they can overdose when they don’t use for a while. You said your partner smokes it…my partner started smoking then after that started injecting…they try and get that ultimate high when really it doesn’t exist…thats why its called chasing the dragon. Has your partner only just started? Or has he always been an addict.

[webb1990]

Yes exactly. Its tough trust me. And it only gets harder every time they relapse, there’s a chance they can overdose when they don’t use for a while. You said your partner smokes it…my partner started smoking then after that started injecting…they try and get that ultimate high when really it doesn’t exist…thats why its called chasing the dragon. Has your partner only just started?

[kjs]

He started using recreationally in his mid 20s, became an addict at 26 and used for 7 years. Never IV, he’s scared of needles thank goodness!

He was clean for 4 years before relapsing in December, I only found out a few weeks ago about that relapse and then last week about the continued use.

I’ve been really clear we have no future and he can’t even stay at mine if he’s using

I’ve had a relationship with an addict before, every day was absolute hell. No way will I go through that again

‘Chasing the dragon’ I’ve read that phrase, basically they are always seeking that first high. But like smoking cigarettes, you don’t get that light headed feeling once you’re addicted.

[kjs]

He started using recreationally in his mid 20s, became an addict at 26 and used for 7 years. Never IV, he’s scared of needles thank goodness!

He was clean for 4 years before relapsing in December, I only found out a few weeks ago about that relapse and then last week about the continued use.

I’ve been really clear we have no future and he can’t even stay at mine if he’s using

I’ve had a relationship with an addict before, every day was absolute hell. No way will I go through that again

‘Chasing the dragon’ I’ve read that phrase, basically they are always seeking that first high. But like smoking cigarettes, you don’t get that light headed feeling once you’re addicted.

[webb1990]

I hope he genuinely is scared of needles…they will lie about literally everything. I think once you start injection its even tougher to stop I guess. But im not really sure. I try hard to understand but now its just got to a point where I’m just so tired and need to think of myself.

How long was you with your previous addict partner for?

Its hard as I barely even drink alcohol and I’m with a heroin addict… ironic really.

[kjs]

Well when I found him using he was smoking, no evidence to show otherwise. I do believe that as crazy as that may sound.

I was with my previous partner just over a year, he was an alcoholic and coke addict

I am really anxious about the next few weeks. He’s saying all the right things. Dr on Thursday. But what if it’s all for show? What if he tries for a week or 2 but then gives up? I’m not sure how I feel about him staying here, I know I’m going to be suspicious every time he uses the toilet too long or if he gets up in the night… I don’t know. I have positive moments that are quickly followed by feelings of fear and loss. It would be easier to walk away. But I really do love him so much

Did you look at that house share? Have you spoken to him about moving out and him getting clean?

[webb1990]

My partner has track marks on his arms…but they inject anywhere its awful and so so sad.

I think us woman spend to much time concentrating on trying to fix the people we love rather than ourselves.

Yesterday my partner said the same…and last night he was up all night and was out this morning when I woke up. Hes come home high as a kite. I’ve had enough. I’ve told him I’m going and he’s blamed that for using. He’s never going to get better…he said he can’t do it without me but he hasn’t done it with me.

I know all about those feelings trust me its horrible…banging on the door when I know he’s in there…I worry that he’s going to kill himself one of these days.

I love my partner to he’s amazing when clean but we have to love ourselves more and take care of us to. I hope your okay

[webb1990]

My partner has track marks on his arms…but they inject anywhere its awful and so so sad.

I think us woman spend to much time concentrating on trying to fix the people we love rather than ourselves.

Yesterday my partner said the same…and last night he was up all night and was out this morning when I woke up. Hes come home high as a kite. I’ve had enough. I’ve told him I’m going and he’s blamed that for using. He’s never going to get better…he said he can’t do it without me but he hasn’t done it with me.

I know all about those feelings trust me its horrible…banging on the door when I know he’s in there…I worry that he’s going to kill himself one of these days.

I love my partner to he’s amazing when clean but we have to love ourselves more and take care of us to. I hope your okay

[kjs]

Well I know he’s using at the moment, he has to until his appointment as they won’t give him a prescription if he’s not using. Bloody ridiculous really and it just fills me with so much anxiety not knowing where he is, what he’s doing.

Do you want my email? I don’t want to share my name on here but would happily add you on fb. I think we could both do with support. I’ve got a friend I talk to but no one who has been through this

[webb1990]

Yes I’ve been there to. It really makes no sense at all.

Yes that would be lovely email is easier than this. It is so nice to talk to someone who gets it. Hopefully I can give you some advice as I’ve managed this 4 years of hell. I’ve got friends who I can talk to also but I’ve stopped as I feel they get bored of me being upset about the same things. I talk to my mum but she’s given up now to she wants nothing to do with him. He’s stolen off me in the past and she’s worried it could happen again. I am to now.

[kjs]

Ok, it’s being funny about sharing contact info. Going to have to be cryptic maybe. It’s kirstyjs at icloud dot com

[kjs]

So use @ and .

[icarus-trust]

Hi

So sorry to read your post. What you are dealing with is difficult but as you can see from this site you are not alone so hope that’s making things a bit better. If you would like more support perhaps you would like to contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity and we offer support to the families around people with addictions because we know how hard it is for the families. If you get in touch I will put you in contact with one of our Family Friends. They will listen and help you find a way forward, and tell you what other services are available to you.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best to you.

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