[ab17]

My boyfriend is trying to get off cocaine but refuses to go to any meetings as he isn’t the kind to talk about his issues. He has apps recommended by his doctor but wondered what else has helped others? Any documentaries or podcasts you would recommend? Thanks

[danman83]

Hiya im same as your bf.. the podcast i listen to are.. the addiction podcast-road to recovery, they have different ex addicts on each week and how they beat it. I cant fault it.. another 1 is the alan charles show.. he had a 24 year addiction on coke and has some crazy stories. I.bought his book as well. Ive just bought another book called .. the LA diaries by another ex coke addict that is suppose to be brilliant. Russel brand podcast. Also watch louise clarke on you tube she is an expert and has helped loads to beat coke and crack. Search crack-cocaine part123 and her name. She goes into great detail and i bought her book as well..

Also.search things on you tune. Meditation helps as well with ear phones in.. how much is he using and how often if you dont mind me asking

[danman83]

Also download pocket rehab thats a good app

[danman83]

He also needs to delete every ones number to do with coke.. dealers, friends even family. I came off all social media .. facebook.. insta.. snapchat. The lot! He can easily message dealers and mates.

No alcohol as this is a main trigger to get coke. He needs to keep him self busy. Especially coming up to when he knows he will use. Take up some new hobbies, gym.. reading.. decorate.. walk, run.. anything.

But he needs to keep him self really busy. Just ask if u need any advice

[ab17]

Thanks for all of the advice really appreciate it.

He is using every other day, it’s at the stage where it doesn’t need to be with alcohol or with anyone else he just needs his fix.

He isn’t good at talking to anyone I am trying to get him to be honest with me as there have been lots of lies to cover the addiction. I can tell he’s trying and appreciate him being honest even if it’s hard to hear he’s using and how frequently. I definitely think he needs to be more proactive so will suggest everything you’ve said to him.

[danman83]

Ive never had it as much as that. But an addiction is an addiction at the end of the day .

How old is he?

Can i ask.. what is his routine to getting it every other day? Like… is he living with you? Is he just getting it at night after work? Or does he not work? Is he having it at work?.

Obv he might be lying about this but if he makes it clear you can come up with a plan.

Like mine is friday or sat. Soo i give my gf my phone and car keys and she locks it away. And sometimes it doesnt work, im not going to lie to you. But its about eliminating all the ways to getting it and thinking about it i guess.

[ab17]

He is 27.

He does work, but as far as I am aware everyone around him is doing it which really doesn’t help the situation. He will go after work and do it at a friends. He has before disappeared on a Friday straight from work and not come back until Saturday or Sunday. I am trying to get him to talk more and but it’s also hard for me not to have ago at him when he finally tells me the truth as some of what he tells me hits a nerve so I am trying to be as reasonably as I can as I appreciate me nagging isn’t going to help either. We do live together but the problem is if he wants to go out and do it he will go from work so I don’t have that initial opportunity to take his keys or phone.

I am the only person he is talking to about his addiction at present except his doctor. He’s isolated himself from his whole family by just not making an effort over the years with maintaining a relationship with them even though I do and all of his friends use drugs unfortunately.

I am trying my hardest to be his support system and encourage him to do other things. I passed on your advice above so hopefully that helps him also. Thanks 🙂

[danman83]

One of the hardest parts of this is that he has to cut his mates off, and with him being only 27, is hard i guess.

Does his mate sell it? U dont have to answer that. But thats a big problem. They just give it and run up a tab.

I dont get why he just dont go straight home after work, or even the gym.

He must be feeling shit all the time from the come

But your right its everywhere now. Every pub, every town, most work places.

Your doing good anyway, and you are right about the pressure and mithering him as he will just use this as an excuse.

Good luck anyway. Just ask if u need any help.

[ab17]

Some of his mates do sell it yes and I know he can get it very easy from multiple people which is quite sad how easy it is for him to get it.

It’s hard because in my view these aren’t friends as friends are someone who look out for you and want the best for you not to push drugs on you when you clearly have a problem but to him in his eyes these people are his friends. I don’t know how aware they are of him having a problem, part of me feels like I should reach out to some of them and express how bad he is incase they aren’t aware but I feel like that would cause conflict between me and my boyfriend. I’ve never been on friendly terms with any of them but do know some of them through him but personally never spent any time with them. These aren’t friends who have a relationship with him outside of drinking and coke which I am obviously not part of.

I think you are right I think he feels shit a lot of the time, I can see him playing with our daughter sometimes and see the real him if that makes sense and other times he can’t be bothered to get up off the sofa to play with her and I can see the affect of the drug and don’t recognise him.

I know it isn’t going to be an easy road and some time I do feel like it may be easier to cut my loses and move on but I’ve invested 15 years of my life to him and if he left the only place he would go would be to one of his friends sofas. I just wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. He’s handed over his online bank details to me this week and turned on location services on his phone so I’m hoping these are steps forward for us.

Good luck on your recovery it sounds like you are trying really hard to be strong and thanks for the support and advice.

[danman83]

Well you can tell hes trying, but he needs cut his friends off really.. for now anyway..

Most of my mates wont give me any nums anymore because i tell them not to.

I understand as well because its been 15 years. My gf is the same. But she has had it with me a few times anyway. She gets my phone and car keys off me at 5pm fri and sat nights lol.

He prob is a real good dad and bf. But this stuff is like a slippery snake and effects people differently, and the come downs are awful. Just keep what you are doing if you are staying with him. But if hes not willing to change or gets worse, start thinking of your self

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