[happyhippo]

20 year old son, been smoking week since school. Now progresses to cocaine. Doesn’t live at home anymore. Has a job (just). Is constantly asking us for money. This weekend we’ve said enough…he’s had over £4k in last 2 months. He’s accusing us of not caring etc.

Feel like a terrible parent. He’s texting/phoning constantly saying people are outside his house wanting the money etc. we keep saying no.

Please just tell me what I should be doing

[Caroline0808]

Hi, totally feeling your pain here my son who is 26 and lives with his dad is addicted to Ketamin which has escalated a lot over the last 3 years to the point now I have totally lost my relationship with him which was once great, I have had to block him as he only messages me for money and same about £4-5K in the last 4 months hes tried messaging thru my friends asking them to tell me to unblock him as its urgent even 2 of his friends have messaged me in the last week saying the same says people are threatening to beat him up if he doesn’t give them money owed, the debt never goes away and never sure if its debt or funding it, also feeling like a terrible parent this has given me the worst anxiety I can’t tell you what you should be doing as I have made these same mistakes but I keep being told to not give him money which is what we should be doing its finding that strength its so hard, I want to make him better but I just can’t

 

[paw_x]

Hi,

I don’t have experience as the parent of an addict though I am the partner of one. I get frustrated at times as his parents have bailed him out his entire life, and he’s now in his 30s and relapsed again during the worst possible time, when we were buying a home and taking on big financial commitments. I feel like he’s never known the consequences of his actions as he’s never been homeless, never been without his car, and had literally thousands thrown at him to bounce back every time. It’s like he doesn’t have the same drive the rest of us have as there’s no fear, Mum will always get him out of the mess he’s put himself into, he’ll always have his car and a safe place to stay and endless rehab programs. But at the time time I acknowledge there’s no “right” way, and as parents they’ve done what they think was best to help their son.

To both of you, there’s forums on Famanon.co.uk with a lot of parents of addicts with great advice on there.

Wishing both of you all the best x

[notmyrealname]

I agree with Pam, I am also living with the result of someone’s relatives constantly paying off their problems and them never having to face any consequences. The problem with paying it off is it’s not a one-off bill that goes away, there’s an endless amount they can spend and by paying it all it is doing is giving them hope that they can continue like this. Also if you pay it allows the addict to have more credit then as the ‘lender’ will see them as a viable person to keep borrowing to, it’s like your a guarantor they will always get the money with you as a back up, maybe even more next time.

[Goodtime7]

You are doing the right thing, I know it goes against everything we feel as parents to ignore our child’s pleas for help
Please don’t enable him, if you keep helping out financially you are enabling him to continue with his drugs

Sadly I learnt the hard way 40k spent on a Son who could manipulate me with guilt.

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