[hatty20]

My boyfriend is really trying to cut back on his drinking. He is in a much better place now than 6 months again but there’s still a long way to go. I get frustrated when he does so well then falls back into bad habits. But am I expecting too much?

[gevey]

Hi Hatty20

I saw this and it instantly made me think of my situation!

Now.. I’m in your boyfriends situation…

My boyfriend is trying to get me to cut down, I was drinking very heavily at the start of the year, and since then, he’s helped me and I’m drinking more than half of what I used too.

I still like to ‘have a drink’ & sometime get a bit tipsy etc, but nothing like what I used to drink!

Recently, if i do have a drink, he’s started to be disappointed, start arguments and as you say ‘get frustrated’ with me, its started to take its toll and we argue a lot!

I just want him to ‘leave me alone’ & ‘stop pressuring me’ into doing things, I’m almost feeling like its him trying to control me, even though I’m doing better!

I think you should ease up, if he’s sticking to his drinking less, and not drinking like he was 6 months ago, and also, if you think he has the willpower to carry on not drinking excessively, even when he does have a few and go back to a bad habit.. ease up and give him the time of day, its a hard situation to be in, especially if he’s always been used to drinking heavily.

[hatty20]

Thank you for your message. It is really helpful to see it from the other side. My boyfriend was drinking everyday from the moment he woke up. I didn’t know the extent of his drinking until I moved in. We then spoke about it and he admitted he had been doing this for over 10 years to “function”. He wasn’t getting drunk or going on benders he was just having enough alcohol in his system throughout the day to get by. I couldn’t cope with the thought of him drinking when he woke up and he also got sacked for drinking at work. So I said to him if he doesn’t do something about it I would have to leave him as it was affecting me. He went to his GP and got tablets for 7 days to help with the withdrawal symptoms. He did 6 weeks off the beer then re introduced it back in at a healthier level. But there have been times I have caught him drinking in the morning at weekend and i can see him on countdown sometimes to a time it’s classed as “acceptable” to have a drink. He no longer drinks before or during work and he is probably drinking half of what he used to. We don’t really argue about it and I do try and leave him to work it out for himself but if I see him going back to old habits like hiding drink or noticing a can has been drank in the morning at weekend I will bring it up to him. I have said to him I don’t mind him drinking and I don’t want to police him. But all I ask is that he doesn’t drink in the day so it doesn’t affect his work and try and have 2/3 days off most weeks to give his body a break. Other than that I leave him alone. Would you say that is fair or unreasonable?

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