[redfraggle]

So its crunch time for me. I am due to marry my fiance in July this year but not sure if I am getting myself into a whole load of mess.

I have always known my partner likes a drink, as do I, but I think it is a lot more serious than just too many nights out. My partner moved in with me last year. I have a 10 year old daughter from a previous relationship.

I am convinced my partner is drinking in secret. He parks his van right outside our house and I can see the drivers cab from our living room window. During the evening he has started popping out to the van for all sorts of things which I feel are excuses to go and get his alcohol. I happened to see him before Christmas through the window and he took a swig of something but couldn’t see what. Everything in my whole body told me it was alcohol. I shot out to the van in a rage straight away to ask what he was drinking and he swore blind he wasn’t drinking anything. Told me I was dreaming or something. An argument broke out then he went off to bed out of the way taking his van keys with him. It was a few days before his keys began to be hung up with the rest again.

He sleeps a lot and is probably down to all the pain meds he is on. He has medical problems and is on such a lot of different meds and different kinds of pain meds, so once he has evening meal quite often he is drifting off to sleep on the sofa or just goes to bed. Some nights he manages to keep awake till gone 9pm but it is rare.

One night when he went to bed I took his van keys and started looking for any kind of alcohol in his van. I couldn’t find anything but his van is such a mess with things everywhere.

Now everytime I see him go to his van in the evening I look through the window.

9 times out of 10 he has having a swig of something in the front cab then popping a cough sweet in his mouth on the way back into the house.

It happened again yesterday when he was doing some work in the house so while he was drinking I went out to look what it was but he immediately shut the van door when he saw me. I asked to get stuff out the van for washing (dirty work gear) – lame excuse I know – and opened the door to get things but couldn’t see where he had stashed anything. He asked what I was looking for and I just said you know what I am looking for and that I will find it one day. I know it was the wrong approach but I just got so mad. 30 mins later he had to suddenly nip out. He was only gone for 10 mins.

We spent the night in relative silence. Keys remained in his pocket rather than being hung up. but he didn’t go back to the van for anything again.

I know he drinks in the house most nights and likes whisky in particular. I have mentioned in the past that maybe having a few nights not drinking might do us both good. I don’t drink generally unless we are out but suggested the both of us to not make him feel like it was aimed directly at him. He will have the odd night off in the house drinking anything but the trips to the van always continue.

So – Am I dreaming this. I have no real hard evidence that he is hiding drink in his van just a terrible gut feeling. What should I do now?

I do love him, but can I live a life where I can’t trust him or do I need to get myself checked into the hospital as my head is making all this up. If I have this all wrong I am throwing away a relationship.

[redfraggle]

An update. He finally admitted last night to popping out to his van occasionally for a drink. I told him he’s a clever guy, doesn’t the fact that he is drinking in secret tell yourself there is a problem. He doesn’t see it that way at all. Apparently its only occasionally when he has forgotten to bring it into the house.

I’m taking some positive from this (not much though), that at least I hope he is on the way to recognising there is a problem.

I’ve asked him to drink in the house if he feel he needs a drink then at least we can stop hiding stuff.

Not sure where to go from here now.

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