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After 14 months together, am I over-reacting to my girlfriend’s apparently casual use of cannabis? If I happen to be around when she lights up (usually with girlfriends but sometimes just us and usually when drinking) she usually quickly ends up passed out and lately has become verbally abusive directed at me. We are both late 40s. I’m quite ignorant of any drug use and made my concerns known. I like to think I was careful when raising this, but maybe that’s not possible in this situation. The reaction was to dismiss me out of hand, as it was something that “everyone did”, “get over it”. She has smoked cigs (when we first met she said she wanted to stop) and cannabis (no intention to stop) since she was 16/17 and now says she tries not to do it when I’m around, although I see it roughly monthly. I can only speculate how often at other times (her “stash” changes between my visits, I know that’s prying). Over the pass 6 months or so she has been slowly opening up about, childhood abuse (family friend, maybe uncle), married at 18, cheating/violent husband (finally ended after 10 years), now unemployed (+2 years), in debt (£10,000), social housing. I can’t begin to imagine the stresses she is feeling from all of this. I’m accussed of being controlling (eg. when helping to clear debts) and expecting the “perfect women”. I don’t want to walk away. I don’t want to cause more pain/stress by staying around. But it is heart-breaking to see such a lovely person do this to themselves. I don’t know what to do.
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She is very lucky to have you, but the sheer fact she has opened to you speaks volumns….. Be patient with her and perhaps tell her in a calm enviornment how it impacts on your relationship…..Ask her what her expectations are from your relationship…and be honest…if her smoking weed makes you feel uncomfortable and worried for her, tell her…only thing you must remember is, if she doesnt feel it is a problem, then she will continue to do it…..hope this has helped……take care, we are all here if you need to talk x
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