[kulstar]

Where do I begin? In reality I’ve been popping in and out of this group for 2 years knowing that the grip of Cocaine was slowly but definitely very surely was taking a stronger and stronger hold. Always starts off the same, recreationally taken with friends to help socialising and chasing that forever high (which btw never comes). 2020 during lockdown (no excuse) more and more was being consumed. 2021 started off terribly with winter days, home schooling (I have 2 lovely young children), Dry Jan went up in smoke (or more pertinently put, up my nose) after 16 days and work was challenging.

In April I believe when the gyms were back open I appeared to have got back on track and going back to good habits. The old me was back…..for 6 weeks and then Mid-May 2021 here we go again. The sleepless nights with myself downstairs while my beautiful family slept upstairs. Me making countless excuses to my wonderful wife about why I hadn’t come upstairs – working late, fell asleep on the couch, too hot (all lies lies lies). In June 2021 the wife caught me and I left the house as I saw her as a hindrance to me having a great time (hahaha, what a fallacy). I sought help in July 2021 with a couple of sessions with a Psychiatrist who said I was fine and I did feel fine. August 2021 and here we go again. The rest of the year was filled with ups and downs, resorting to anti-depressants which helped mask my erratic behaviour (and gave me something to hide behind). Xmas came and went while on it. New Years Eve I didn’t end up staying awake, the kids and my wife celebrating the New Year in our bedroom while I lay there unable to move, disabled from the days of abuse. What had a I become?

Jan 2022 started off well but short lived. I couldn’t rid myself of this grip that this drug had on me. I managed a few weeks off it but something would always lead me back to it. This something being a blind spot or the beast within my mind daring me to make the call. It had got so bad that I had the dealers bank account details and he would place the copious amount of bags in the letterbox so I could slide my hand in the box and pick it up discreetly. I didn’t even need to leave the house now! All I wanted to do was watch porn and consume cocaine (along with alcohol to bring me down). You can see the downfall here, cocaine to take me high, alcohol to bring me down and it seemed forever the cycle ran.

Come end of February 2022 and my blessed wife had had enough. She just said You’re no use to us at the moment, just go and clear your head somewhere. This was my moment to do as I wished, yippee! I left our home and checked into a hotel and basically drank and snorted until a few days later. My moment, my realisation had come. I missed my sons first football match. I had taken him to training, supported him and had been his biggest advocate over the previous 9 months. Just when it mattered, I wasn’t there.

This was my dawn and my awakening. One of my best friends came to visit me at the hotel a day or 2 after missing my sons match. He saw a broken man, he took me out to get something to eat, I bought a bottle of lemonade and retreated back to my room. I knew I was now in this stage of going cold. I couldn’t do it anymore, the ups and downs, the lack of being in me as a man, the one that my children couldn’t look up to as a Father, the Husband who wasn’t really there. My wife had to carry the load and now, well now…..was my time

March 2022 I started my recovery. I accepted I was a cocaine addict, I admitted and told my nearest and dearest what I was. A cokehead, manipulative and a liar (I told my parents, my brothers and their respective wives, my mother / sister in Laws and of course my blessed wife along with a few of my friends – maybe too many friends). Once I had accepted this was who I had become it felt as if the worries of the world had been lifted. It was now time to see the beauty that love and compassion had to offer. My words had no weight any more due to my previous actions and now it was time for action. Time for real change, visible change. My attitude to life became one of principles and values. One of being and reason. This shift only happened because I was ready. I don’t know how to describe it other than I feel truly blessed to type this to you all. I am one of the lucky few who had the chance to do this.

I see many families on this forum struggling, many users who are struggling and it is heart breaking yes. Only meaningful way I can see from my experience is you look within you, like really within you and ask yourself Do I really want to change?. I changed for me and me only. I knew by doing this that the world would get the best from me. If I changed for my wife then what would happen if we had an argument? I would only resort back to my old ways.

So here we are, 146 days on – my wife chairs the school charity and I help her out with activities related to this, I am my sons football teams coach, my work is back on track, my fitness is up, my wife no longer carries the load within the house and my 9 year old daughter (she’s my barometer to see if I’ve really changed, my 6 year old son would always think I’m his hero such is the nature of these relationships) and I have the best relationship we’ve ever had.

So what is the point of all of the above? I was a truly broken man end of Feb 2022, now I am unrecognisable and this is all truly possible. Michael Jackson Man in the Mirror, are you ready to make the change? Only you can answer this my friend, if you are there is a whole world waiting to see the best of you……..

[kulstar]

Apologies for the repeated post. It appears the forum posting doesn’t like quotation marks. I’ve tried to delete the previous post (one which is split into several posts!). Anyway, thanks for reading.

[baheega]

Ive had goosebumps reading this Kulstar.. such a champ! keep it up and you are blessed to have a lovely wife and son. God bless x

[jamesb]

I haven’t been on here in the last few days, been struggling myself with keeping away from it, it’s been the anniversary of the passing of my parents and I also lost my nan recently and as much as coming on here gives me strength, the topic is still based around the poison that that thing inside me craves.

I am so glad I did log on and read this. You have reminded me that I’m not alone, there’s people out there who are going through the same thing and there are people like you who I can although I don’t know you, can look to for inspiration.

Congratulations brother and I really hope you get all the love and success you deserve in life. What you have achieved is harder than anyone knows who hasn’t been through it.

Thank you man I needed to read this.

Sending love and gratitude

James x

[kulstar]

Aaww bless you James and thanks for your kind words, really appreciated.

It is for what we sacrifice today (sniffing) that we create space for growth tomorrow.

You know (and I’ve read your posts and well done on your journey so far!) that nothing good EVER came out of taking that evil path. Even when we thought we were having a good time, we really weren’t. We were simply wanting to pause reality and escape. Escape from what? Escape from our miserable existences? Again, write down what your perfect life would look like and coke wouldn’t be a part of this. Create the life you want to live, don’t Escape from the life you want to live.

I’m sorry to hear about your personal circumstances. You as well I do know that it’ll be a helluva a lot worse should you choose to start once more.

Truth James is that we all want a quick fix but tomorrow shall dawn once more (don’t I know it, the hours used to fly by when on it). Have we given ourselves the best chance to deal with what life has thrown at us? Yes but only if you’ve put the hard work and graft in to here.

Once you’re there in a state of sobriety and you’ve changed your very being and purpose for your existence you will receive back positive energy like never before.

Don’t get me wrong I hold onto the past but I use it now to remind me of how lucky and blessed I am in all parts of my life.

Harness life’s adversities my friend, remember that dreaded feeling after the event and use it to move forward.

Recovery involves a lot more than willpower and motivation. It requires a complete overhaul of our very DNA, a reboot or however else you may want to describe it.

Put another way, has anyone ever said sobriety is the worst thing they ever did?

You’ve got this my friend. Every time you overcome an urge, you callous the mind and become stronger. Don’t give into the beast within you, remind it that you see it. Feed the spirit instead and see the beauty that this universe has to offer, even in difficult times. It is these difficult times that will make you appreciate the love and compassion we all have to offer. The alternative is to numb your emotions and be a ticking time bomb next time life doesn’t go your way.

Stay blessed my bro, we ride these waves together ????????

[lindyloo]

Kulstar, thank you for sharing your journey with us. Your story and your positivity made me emotional reading it.

My son is 29yr with alcohol and cocaine addictions. Thankfully has been clean for 1yr+.

You and Jamesb should be so proud of yourselves- I know from my son’s recovery experience, how hard it is for you guys.

My son nearly caved last week, he had a few things on his mind , and his anxiety levels just escalated. He had to be so strong to fight off his ” go to” instinct to use.

His sobriety has made him more sensitive to issues that he probably never noticed before.

I’m just as proud of you guys as I am of him, as you battle your addictions and help others too.

Keep posting and stay strong, we all look out for each other here.

Take care

Lx ❤️

[kulstar]

Aaww Lindyloo, thanks for your lovely words. Well done to your son and also a huge credit for you as a mother to get to know the “other side” to understand better.

The fact that your son had to be so strong is excellent. He’ll remember the same emotions and courage it took for him to get through it. I’m lucky the urges have been negligible due to my awakening.

Now that your son is here and 1+ year he needs to harness this time spent in sobriety. What I mean by this is he needs to recognise that a blessed path awaits him if only he lets get of the mental shackles of the past.

Forgive me if I’m talking out of line but some live a life of sobriety as if it’s forced upon them and they must exist this way. Problem with this is they deny themselves to actually live. Once you accept this as a natural way (and what’s more natural than living a clean life) of being this is where one really blossoms.

I am truly blessed going to the pub and not having any thoughts of consuming alcohol. I’ve been in circumstances whereby a friend was doing coke in front of me and I felt as I had just never done it. I know this is truly an unthinkable experience for some however hold on in there, reset the brains neurological reward pathway and you’ll be blessed also with natural endorphin hits all day long from the moment you wake up to the moment you sleep.

In terms of sensitivity regarding sobriety, I know exactly what you mean. You’re now awake where your sensometer is at an all time high and will continue to get higher. This is growth as a human being. It’ll feel surreal at times however stick at it and you’ll become to naturally learn how to deal with tough life scenarios rather than reaching for alcohol or coke. All this stuff numbs your emotions and the beast within takes over concentrating on self-gratification. The opposite of this is selflessness in the world of being sober.

Will keep posting as I yearn to help anyone who rids themselves of any mind numbing substance.

Together we stand ????????

[stanleylawson]

truly inspiring

[kulstar]

Bless you and thank you ????????

[jamesb]

Hey bro, I hope you don’t mind but I was hoping you’d could help me out a little? Obviously I know every relationship is different but one of the things I struggle with most now even now I am sober is the destruction I left behind and ultimately that my partner left me and I only get to see my daughter at weekends. I selfishly think that now I’m not doing bad things or lying etc that I should be forgiven and all should be forgotten but she has made it clear that she doesn’t think she could ever be in a relationship with me again after the things I did. I never cheated or did anything seedy. What I did do however, was hide my money or how much I was earning, lie about where I was or said I was working late all the time or make up elaborate stories as to why I wasn’t home.

I was wondering how you and your partner began to take steps towards being a couple again and if the prior addiction and behaviour still effects your relationship now?

Hope you don’t mind as that I guess is quite personal to ask so please don’t feel you have to answer.

Thanks again pal, keep fighting the good fight

James x

[kulstar]

Ask anything my friend.

My wife is all to conscious of my prior existence, it has in reality only been 5 months.

Be aware of the destruction caused as the consequence of your actions. Let that be a reminder of the evil path.

When I came out and told those around me what I had become something shifted inside me. That shift meant I was able to deal with the past and draw a line (terrible pun I know!). I wouldn’t let yesterday define my tomorrow.

I admitted all, it was all my fault. I tried to make amends through apologies but this wasn’t enough, not anymore.

The biggest shift in me saw my lovely wife having a glimmer of hope that I was perhaps turning the tanker. This was only through actions, positive actions. Carrying my load around the house, attending to the kids like I’d never done before, being in the moment, back at the gym, putting my hand up for tasks that society dictates we need for a better world (helping Wifey with the charitable work, being my sons football team coach etc).

What you say about not doing bad things anymore and that you deserve for it to be forgotten. Yes, I too get sentiments like that time to time. That’s the beast right there trying to creep back in, recognise it, see it and then remind yourself of what you did in your previous life. Switch it the other way, how much faith could you have in your partner if they treated you the way they did?

The ego will always say you deserve more because you’ve been clean or been good. Again, remind yourself why you’re doing this? Is it for you or is to get something (appreciation, forgiveness, boost confidence etc). The latter are cleverly disguised as they are ego plays. What happens if you don’t get appreciation, forgiveness, a boost of confidence etc? You’ll sure enough go back to your old ways because you didn’t get back from the external environment what it was you were seeking.

Hold strong to your beliefs, principles and values (decide what these are). Do this for yourself and yourself only. You do this then you’ll change from within, people will see the change, eventually.

You mention your partner, never say never my friend. Your actions is the only currency she’ll recognise now, words are like Monopoly money.

You mention your daughter? As you love yourself even more selflessly, you will glow, your bond will strengthen with your daughter. Do something incredible (by this I mean 121 time) with her 1 weekend, do something whereby an external environment forces you together however you have that time alone with her. Forgive me I don’t know old she is but there is plenty you can do to strengthen your relationship. This will only get stronger.

Let me tell you a secret, although my recovery has been strong, my wonderful wife hasn’t actually uttered the words I Love You yet. This I think may hit home (albeit in different context however principles are still the same). Am I slightly saddened she hasn’t yet said those words? Yeah, perhaps a little. Do I let it effect us or any part of my relationship? Absolutely not, this is truly her prerogative, she’ll say it when she wants too, if at all. I know she loves me that is without question.

Truth is, I caused this, not her, not my friends, I did. I had the choices, I chose coke until it was nearly all too late. It’s never too late unless, well….you don’t have a chance to ever comeback.

But let’s be clear on one thing, I’m making the change for me and me only hence why I’m relaxed why she hasn’t uttered those words yet.

Hopefully the above helps bro! ????????

[kulstar]

Hey JamesB, I hope I wasn’t to forthright in my last post. Hope you’re well pal

[kulstar]

Hey JamesB, I hope I wasn’t too forthright in my last post. Hope you’re well pal

[kulstar]

Hey JamesB, I hope I wasn’t too forthright in my last post. Hope you are well

[catsmom]

Kulstar. Thankyou for you posts I have a son who is newly into recovery and so much of what you wrote resonates with me . You show great insight and are taking full responsibility for your behaviour Sadly a rare thing amongst addicts it seems

Well done and so pleased you are rebuilding a happier life for you and your family x

[catsmom]

Kulstar. Thankyou for you posts I have a son who is newly into recovery and so much of what you wrote resonates with me . You show great insight and are taking full responsibility for your behaviour Sadly a rare thing amongst addicts it seems

Well done and so pleased you are rebuilding a happier life for you and your family x

[kulstar]

Hey Catsmom

Thank you for your kind words. Everyday I am truly gracious of the life I now live and I guess my time had come to give up my old life and start a new one. Some aren’t so blessed to have this internal shift.

Biggest simple thing stands out, no one ever says giving up alcohol or coke made their life worse. It’s a case of creating a life that you truly want to live. My old life had so many inconsistencies it made it difficult to plan straight forward things like weekends or major events. I now live how I want to live and no longer held back by the shackles of anything that controls me.

Life really is blessed, if only we had the courage to face it head on. I’m lucky I’ve had the chance to be reborn. ????????

[kulstar]

Hey Catsmom

Thank you for your kind words. Everyday I am truly gracious of the life I now live and I guess my time had come to give up my old life and start a new one. Some aren’t so blessed to have this internal shift.

Biggest simple thing stands out, no one ever says giving up alcohol or coke made their life worse. It’s a case of creating a life that you truly want to live. My old life had so many inconsistencies it made it difficult to plan straight forward things like weekends or major events. I now live how I want to live and no longer held back by the shackles of anything that controls me.

Life really is blessed, if only we had the courage to face it head on. I’m lucky I’ve had the chance to be reborn.

[kulstar]

Catsmom – how ill of me not asking about your son. I wish him the best of luck and when times hard for him, remind him to sacrifice today (regarding no substance abuse) for a better tomorrow. Each day he must have a motto. Today is a day I won’t abuse my body with substance abuse

[ava123]

Hello,

My brother is a cocaine addict and me and my family do not know what to do anymore. He has lost his job, his girlfriend, his friends and owes so much money on cocaine.

We cannot afford rehab and he is in denial as he recognises that he’s an addict however he is not willing to make any steps to get better. We are having to bribe him to go to CA meetings and even at that he is horrible and tries to manipulate us all. He is vile and nasty and threatens us all the time with suicide.

We really can’t cope anymore and don’t know what the next steps are. We try and tell him that he needs to go to meetings as they will help him and he shuts them down and says they won’t when he has barley even tried!

Really don’t see a way out 🙁

[kulstar]

I know it’s tough, it doesn’t matter how hard one tries but the buck has to stop with the individual.

The fact that he’s accepted he’s an addict is huge. Now he has to decide on whether or not he wants to start a fresh. In this instance I’d probably help your brother see what his final destination looks like. So 2 versions, the clean righteous path or…..well the complete opposite.

So with this I’d work backwards, end goal of him being clean and all the opportunities that await to rebuild his life and then working backwards for all the steps that will help him get there.

He has to have a vision of a better version of himself as a goal to work towards. He’s probably so lost right now he can only see one way.

Right all this down so he can visualise it and this document should be used as a blueprint

[kulstar]

Newcomers on whatever side you’re on may find my post helpful

[kulstar]

Just bringing this back up for a few recent posters 🙂

[navy]

Hello Kulstar

how are you and your family doing.  Hope all is going well.  I have re-read your post, you are truly an inspiration and I just wish my husband could see what this stuff does to you.  I’m at breaking point, I know you have said to me to protect myself. I’ve contact the doctor a couple of days ago  for some help but didn’t want to tell them about my husband as he is a patient there too. They are sending me leaflets how to process anxiety and learn how to breath.

May I ask a question please.  Can  you function when you are on it, work, drive go out etc……remeber what you said, done.
..I read it only last for up to an hour after that do you feel  the come down the agitation, need to be on your own?.

keep up the good work Kulstar heading into your 9 months free, you must feel amazing now being able to life your life to the full with your darling wife and beautiful children, keep looking forward

love Navy x

 

[kulstar]

Hi Navy

All is well thank you and hope likewise (I know it’s not). I’m not inspirational, damn I didn’t wish I had a story to tell!

By looking after yourself I really meant closing down the ill influences you have in your life. The cause of your anxiety is your partner, if he’s not willing to heal then no matter how good your coping strategy is he’ll continue to mentally drain you. It’s like placing a plaster on a ruptured artery.

You can well and truly function on it which is one of the main reasons why you it’s so dangerous. The comedowns were so bad that that I thought I needed it to function on. The solution wasn’t to continue to using but to to fix my life once and for all facing demons, insecurities and character defects head on. The comedown really starts soon after your last fix which can be 15 minutes or hours depending on your own immunity to it.

I do feel amazing and it’s such a shame that others just daren’t dream a life free of booze and drugs. When you’re in the middle of it you just can’t see the wood from the trees and can never admit you’re an addict. I’m sure there are any that read my posts and can’t accept they are addicts so they can’t change. If only they searched deeper within and prayed for a better life then they might just get it.

[navy]

Hi kulstar

im so glad all is well. Yes you guess right all is not well with me. I’m just so glad to have this forum to get me through.
thank you again for answering my question, I can see why his attitude has changed and how he is so full on, when he is on it he just can’t keep still, I get exhausted from him. He just doesn’t stop then when I get home he is tired, it’s been a busy day everyone just keeps calling him!!!!! He’s not hungry just needs to sleep so another night on my own. Then the following day he can’t go to work, he’s got a cold or sore throat, he then works from home yet again.

you say the come down can start from 15 min onwards depending on immunity, I probably know the answer but the come down I suppose can very from person to person, tiredness, agitation, anger, eating bits but not proper heathy meals. Then when I get home there is dishes everywhere and he is not well enough to come down to see me or talk with me so I’m always on my own.

Thank you for being here, even though you wish you didn’t have a story to tell, but your helping others so that has to be the outcome of what happened, you still have your family and now a better life.  Keep looking forward and being proud of who you are now.

keep strong

love Navy xx

[kulstar]

I was the same, fidgety and not being able to sit still. My head said I had to sit still but my body couldn’t, the battle was so obvious to see yet I thought I was disguising it, like the emperor wearing clothes when in fact he is completely stark naked. There was many a night when my wife went to sleep on her own, how selfish of me, my life partner forced to go to sleep on her own in our wonderful bed while I was downstairs rotten to the core, sniffing, drinking and watching porn – absolutely hideous.

The amount of self-pity I took on to hide my behaviours was appalling. The lies about a cold, sore throat, mental health etc just kept snowballing to create that barrier that was my behaviour was because little old me just wasn’t well.

The meals – oh lord. I wouldn’t eat for 2 days at times and my go to was unhealthy alternatives. It seemed I had developed a real fetish for crisps, like I wouldn’t eat anything all day and I’d resort to 5/6 packets of crisps, what grown man does this? I’d pretend I had eaten some meals while making the plate look it had been used chucking out whatever I’d eaten in the outdoor bin. There were all other sorts of bizarre habits I developed to create smoke and mirrors. See what I mean by this whole charade becoming exhausting? As I type this it does remind me of the completely erratic and disillusioned behaviour an addict will go to so they can protect their existence.

I guess my reasoning for being here is to help loved ones rationalise the rather irrational behaviour that addicts undertake and to give you hope you are not mad. I made my poor wife feel as if she was losing her marbles. I had become an expert in hiding my usage and being creative in where I left my blood soaked curled up notes and all those cocaine bags (sofa cushions being my best hiding place). Anyway, there isn’t much I don’t know about addiction so if anything I type helps then some good has to come out of what was an enitrely miserable existence.

[navy]

Hi Kulstar

thank you so much for your insight, my husband is now avoiding me, I haven’t seen him for 3 days he stays in the bedroom and I sleep in the spare room now, can I ask does this drug affect your eyesight and gums (teeth) I know bizzare questions? I know when you don’t take it this is when the come down is where he sleeps a lot and eats crap, he hasn’t left the house in 5 days either (that I know of) because I’ve been In Work. I don’t think he can cope anymore I’m hoping this is his rock bottom now and it makes him realise he has to do something now.  If not my intention is to leave and go from there.
I’ve contacted the doctor for help for myself as I’m suffering with anxiety, they wanted to medicate me but I wanted to talk  to someone but unfortunately they don’t  have therapist on the nhs and I can’t afford to go private.
thank you Kulstar

keep up,the good work for all us suffering the addicts and non addicts alike.

love Navy xx

[kulstar]

Eyesight – it will do with the lack of sleep, you can become rather delusional as a result. I used to have flashes but when you go without sleep for 2/3 days at a time I guess what do you expect?

Teeth / Gums. I started to get a receding gum line. This is due to the ear, nose and throat all being connected. The fillers (substances used to maximise the weight of raw coke so it’s more economical to be sold) in cocaine can rot your gums away hence why they recede. Also many addicts (like me) will attest to not brushing their teeth for 2/3 days also as they simply don’t have the capacity to fathom reality anymore.

[navy]

Hi kulstar

thank you for coming back to me.

sorry it’s so long since I posted I’m having a very difficult time. He supposed to be off it he said he been clean for 9 days!! I think he lying as nothing has changed. He still sleeps alot. Still binge eats. Has lots of energy then collapses. He complains of chest pain.

can you tell me how long it took you to feel more normal? I know you said you cried and slept for a week but after that did you feel any better. Did you nose symptom ease the sniffing the runny nose the nose bleeds etc. the anxiety ease, the jealousy?

I love him but I’m so unhappy and I think he just wants to make me happy but this drug use is killing me.

thank you

navy x

[kulstar]

It probably took the initial effects to where off after about 9-10 days before the routine kicked back in. My energy levels also appeared to be back to normal.

Truth is to feel alive and the damage created to your neurological system takes a good few months before you realise that you’re truly living life free of elevated anxiety or jealousy (or whatever irrational feelings you maybe having).

The physical symptoms where off pretty quickly as the body repairs itself (your body is extremely exhausted after long periods of abuse hence the reason for the sleep). I’m quite lucky in the sense that I’ve always been into the gym so I guess even with the increased heart rate that cocaine brought on, I was still in relatively good shape allowing my body to sustain the intense abuse it that I was imposing  on it.

Now here’s the thing. If he has been clean for a period of time, that devil on his shoulder will forever be present unless he works on self-development. That devil never disappears however it’s voice is very much silenced (heard but silenced). Without working on yourself and recognising your faults and what you can do to work on them to insure you don’t relapse is critical. There’s a phrase that’s often referred to, a dry drunk. This is one who always has to refrain from drinking / abuse while trying to live a sober life. Then I guess there’s my recovery which is to see life for what it is with little or no attraction to alcohol / cocaine because of the deep dive one has to undertake to live a more blessed life.

 

[navy]

Hi Kulstar

thank you. I know he has lied to me.  He was using the weekend whilst we were away. He thinks he is still hiding this from me. I found it on the bathroom floor. I looked after him as much as I could over the weekend and he lied to me. He has not even tried to give it up. When we got to our destination he went to sleep saying he was tired and anxious. (I thought this could be side effect from giving it up)  Then when we out for for dinner he was was hot, couldn’t breath, it was too hot.  I spent the following day on my own walking around town he came to meet me at one point and I had to sit him down give him a coffee and he turned around and said he couldn’t cope and had to go back to the hotel as he didn’t sleep!!!! (I now wonder why)……..

this f***ing drug is causing me to lose my mind. He has told me how unwell he is, all the time , his nose is always blocked, (he has a hole in it) would this heal on its own or getting better when not using?

I know he has to give this up for him and I have to leave it’s just so hard.  I will sit with him again this week and tell him how much this is hurting me and I can’t live like this, he has to understand I can’t live with this drug in our home, it’s killing him slowly and making him unhappy,

He is making me feel like I’m the one with mood swings, that I’m nasty and say hurtful things and I should think before I speak as when he is happy I bring him down with the things I say.

take care

thank you for listening

navy xx

 

[kulstar]

His septum if it has a hole in it won’t repair itself. Depending on how bad it is he may require surgery.

This is the truth you don’t want to hear. He’s not serious about giving anything up, you’re just validating his usage with this caring protecting behaviour. He knows you’ll always be there. This week you’ll sit down with him and tell him how it’s making you feel, didn’t you do this a few weeks ago and maybe months prior to this? Did it have any difference? No. What makes you think it’ll be different this time around?

My apologies for the directness of my message however addicts don’t change without consequence. Longer and longer this whole charade goes on, the more severe the consequence has to be. You have a choice, either let this man lead you to oblivion where you are being severely effected (almost to the point of no return) or you nip it in the bud right now and tell him what’s going to happen next. You can either spend the next 10/20 years babysitting this sorry excuse of a man ruining whatever happiness you had planned as an human being or you take the short term hit (however painful it maybe but not as painful as if you stayed in this situation).

It’s clear he doesn’t want to change, moaning and crying about his mental health, his chest, his nose etc. It’s all self-inflicted because he can’t face up to life. Well, it’s got to the point where someone just needs to turn the music up so he can hear the music.

You’ll become a shadow of your former self if you let this continue meanwhile he’ll continue on this merry path he calls life.

[navy]

I would like to thank you for your honest and direct response this is what I need to hear. You’re right in every thing you say. I need to be strong and tell him how it is. I’m just so scared. I do understand everything you have said

thank you kulstar. I will keep you updated once I’ve told him how it’s going to be.

I might go quiet for a couple of days whilst my head does the ruling and not my heart.

[kulstar]

Aaww bless you Navy. Don’t worry about posting or anything like that, you’ve got something called life to resolve!

When you’re on the other side (like me hopefully forever) it’s frustrating to see addicts behaviour having such a disheartening effect on their loved ones. We don’t really realise how much pain our loved ones are going through. I often have thoughts about my poor wife going to bed on her own every night while I stayed downstairs sniffing and drinking. I think of all those occasions when I was there but I wasn’t really. All those times I took my kids out because I couldn’t let them down but again still sniffing. It’s purely a selfish behaviour and I was doing all I could to not look in the mirror. Addicts have to confess to themselves they’ve got a problem and that what could happen (separation, loneliness) is happening. Then the real test begins, are you willing to give it all up so you can carry on sniffing or are you going to walk a more blessed path?

[Author]

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