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So hello everyone, Friday here again, hes jaws on the floor but obviously he hasn’t taken any, it’s all in my imagination ???? mmmm ok flower pot you carry on fooling yourself. This is why I live my life im not having him bring me down to his pathetic lifestyle. Stay strong everyone zx
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Haha, yes it’s always in our imaginations and when they are caught red handed…
“You made me do it.”
It’s like sorry darling, didn’t realise when I go supermarket shopping I’m actually picking up your drugs, bringing them home to you, racking up your lines, providing the straw/ bank note then forcing you to shovel it ???? yawn.. ????
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I’ve often wondered that too. Why is some powder so valuable to them just winds me up so much.
He can literally have no money, no food, no fuel in the car but thinks nothing of spending a few hundred on that stuff. He’l just lay it on as they call it and owe the drug dealer at the end of every month, then he’s playing catch up with money all the time and never has anything!
Dread to think how much he spends on it
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Ranting now ???? but he claims poverty all the time when In reality he’s broke because of the drugs
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Really sympathise with you and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It is truly heartbreaking.
I hate the drugs too and the person they seem to turn into.
I understand addiction but I will never understand how they can do it to the people they supposedly love! It causes so much damage ????
Not sure why drugs are ever worth it to begin with.
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My weekends been awful from start to finish. He’s been out all day and not come home. I need to stay strong now and stick to my guns and get this loser out of my life for good.
I’ve packed all his belongings. Even the cups and plates he had from when we moved in.
I’m in a bit of a state but I’m ok!
How are you doing? X
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It’s not awful, it’s being honest. They put us through hell. I had such a
panic attack earlier I don’t know how I calmed. Have you reached out to anyone that can help when he becomes violent?
My now EX partner can also be violent. I have bruises all over my arms but you know what, if he does try and hurt me from now on I’m going to sound a panic alarm and phone the police. I’m past it now.
I’m feeling stronger since my mini breakdown. He really is nothing but a fu**ing idiot and I’d rather now be on my own than for him to bring me down with him, he’s been making me so ill and it’s just not fair.
I hope karma does a good number on him for me!! Xxx
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Yes you’re right. I bet it’s so much harder with children involved, why should you leave and let him have it cushty in a ready made home ????
It’s just so wrong.
Yes the weekends are hell. Do you ever run out of words to describe them ???? I detest mine! Xx
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It takes some doing being emotionally detached. I’m a sucker for getting roped in. If I see him later when he hopefully fetches his stuff I’m going to try my best not to say a word and give him no reaction to what he’s done this weekend.
Wasted so much time being a complete mess because of this idiot.
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Hi
I’m getting used to this forum sorry think I replied on wrong person,
Thinking of you both.
I’ve just read the posts, I’m so gutted for you, it’s heartbreaking, you give them your all and it’s not enough. Hope you stay strong. It’s going to be tough. You sound like such a lovely person who shouldn’t be going through this, I wish you all the best and thinking of you
Take care of yourselfs xx
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Hi Natasha
Sorry to read what’s going on.
Similar boat here. The money thing is crazy… mine prioritises himself… like you I literally have no spare money for anything for me as there’s not even enough for the bills… then he is holding back for himself! Imagine if we were asking for 100s of the household money to spend on ourselves.
He was off the stuff for a few days due to no money. He is so much worse OFF the drugs than I can’t stand it. How is that even possible? He’s done something s bad to his brain that now he can’t be off them and be nice and normal. It’s ridiculous. So he’s back on it. I don’t want to be around someone coming off drugs. I really don’t. He’s made the house so horrible I hate it here.
I’m still bidding and waiting… something has to come up for me eventually.
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Hi Natasha
It makes no sense, as you say, if he is getting paid weekly going forwards. Why would he need all that money – well, unless he was going to pay back debt to a dealer or someone he’s borrowed from as well as buying some more. There’s definitely something off there…
Mine was supposed to be working today and I was really looking forward to some alone time as I don’t feel very well (exhausted). His boss told him he didn’t need him today, so he’s off. Of course he has spent the day getting high, drinking and smoking. 🙁
Like you, I lie awake worrying about money. He doesn’t seem to be worried. I have also been in the running out of food situation. I got paid today. I am supposed to be using some of the money for our child’s birthday presents and birthday party. Instead, he’s aleady had money off me… he owes me just over 150. I can’t afford it… I told him, he’d better get back to work and give me my money back. I’m running out of patience! As I said, I really can’t handle him off the drugs, so I am literally enabling him in order to be safe. It’s ridiculous!
I used to feel guilty about it, but not anymore. I am trying to survive. I will do whatever I have to in order to survive and get out.
I just looked and my last bid on a property came up ranking 1-5 again, but I haven’t heard anything from them so I am assuming I was in the 2-5 and not the person picked. I seem to always be just missing out. I have promised myself that if I haven’t gotten anywhere in 2 more weeks then I will speak to the council about being reassessed to see if I can be moved up a band.
I am so fed up of my living situation – it’s really affecting my mental health. He controls the whole house. Everything I do within it is dictated by him – I have no freedom. He smokes in the house – it is so disgusting… like a thick fog and stinks. We have a young child. I cannot understand why he thinks that it is okay to do that?! His behaviour towards me is vile when he’s not on something and even when he is on something he is still bossing me around and dictating… just not violent.
I was sad to see what you said about being unable to leave due to your children being over 16. I understand what you are saying as I have read of this being the case for other women. Are your children old enough to work and contribute? Could you move out into private, rented acommodation with their help?
I spent a long time waiting and hoping that mine would leave and then I realised he never would. It is really hard when you are stuck living in a house with a person who is unpredictable, mean and violent.
Thinking of you… the next 4 days are going to be super trying. I’m hoping mine does go to work for some of it!
xx
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I understand.
I also can’t just leave. No one seems to be able to understand it except you. People in my life look at me like… why don’t you just leave – mainly because they know how controlling he is and how agressive he can be and they worry about me and our child.
I’ve waited years to get to the point where one day he said to me to leave and I called his bluff and said okay I’ll apply council… but if I do then I’m not going back on it. He said okay. I asked him several times knowing later he’d change his mind (as he likes to play mind games). He said to do it. I did it and then a few days later he changed his mind… But…
In his mind he thinks he’s won – as he is staying in the house and I don’t get to keep it. I have to go into a flat and start again etc. So to him it’s like I’ve lost and he’s happy about that.
I’m happy to go into a flat but I basically have had to wait years for him to allow me to leave and all because he thinks it’s him controlling it and he’s getting the better end of the stick.
He also wouldn’t let me take our child until now and that’s the main reason I have been stuck. I won’t leave without them. He sees them as a pawn. He makes so little effort with them and finds looking after them for more than an hour or two a strain… so it’s not like he genuinely would want them full time… he just wants to control and hurt me.
Mine does the running at me too. He is so unpredictable. He did it earlier because I lifted up something and I guess maybe he had put some tiny amount of powder on there and I didn’t know/see. He chases after me with whatever is to hand. I’m so used to it now that I’m quite good at dodging! It has left me with PTSD though… I jump and flinch at the slightest sound or if someone raises their arm etc.
It sounds as if the only way you could get away is if you could secretly find somewhere to live with your boys that’s not near where you currently live, change jobs and get a non molestation order/report him to police. I’m too scared to do the latter part… he is so vindictive and threatening.
It’s so sad to be stuck indefinitely in a living situation like that. You are very strong. Would he hurt your boys if you got away? Could they relocate and you go into a temporary accommodation or refuge while you found somewhere to live further away? xx
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Hi Natasha
He sounds vile.
I wish I could rescue you. It’s just intolerable. From what you’ve said, it seems as if you don’t have a voice either. This is one of the main things I cannot stand… I have no voice in this ‘relationship’. I cannot object to anything. I can’t say ‘no I don’t want to do that’… I can’t discuss anything. I cannot object to his usage or the money spent. It’s like he’s God or something.
Yesterday was not too bad as he was horrible to me first thing but then our mutual friend contacted me and asked if we wanted to take the kids to a fun day. So we all went to that. Drink was served and he had cigarettes, so he was happy. I enjoyed it because I wasn’t trapped in the house on a hot day with all the curtains and windows closed due to his paranoia.
He used again when he came home.
Anyway, this morning my dad is picking me and child up and we are going for a fun day over by his, then staying the night and coming back to our friends for a picnic. So… that’s good. A break for a bit.
I hope today is tolerable for you. I bet you are looking forward to your 2 x 12 hour shifts.
Thinking of you x
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Hi hun
It’s like we’ve got the same man! Mine is 5 ft 6 too. I think he has Napoleon Syndrome/Complex.
Mine was shouting at me Thursday night (while high and drunk or perhaps on the beginning of a come down) to make him egg and bacon sandwich… so what he does is wait till I’m asleep or very drowsy/almost asleep then demand I get up and make him food! I can’t say no or he’ll turn on me. He does it all the time. My sleep is so disturbed it’s exhausting.
He once threw a big plate towards me because I hadn’t made his bacon sandwich to his liking! It hit the wall and left a dent in the wall and broke the plate. He was in the bath demanding the food… like a king. No one brings me food in the bath. I very rarely get to even have a bath, whereas he has them daily.
Thursday night I was mad inside (can’t express it obviously) because I came back from the day out and just wanted to go to bed as was so tired and had a headache. He got high and spent the evening/night calling me every 5 minutes demanding I do things for him.
When he’s high he does this now… cinstantly calling me to come to him and do whatever – make him a drink, fetch something, open the window, close the window, charge his phone, wash his back… it drives me crazy. 99% of the time he could do these things himself!
I have a night of peace tonight… back to normal tomorrow.
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I’m sorry he hit you in the mouth. Phones are a weapon here too. 🙁
Re: hitting back – IME it doesn’t make any difference. If you try to fight back it might make him worse, unfortunately. Is he on a come down or using?
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Hi hun
So Saturday wasn’t too bad as I got back mid afternoon and we ended up going to an event for an hour and then a street party in our street. So that kept us busy.
He used my money to get again. He owes me quite a lot and has now said he’s not going to work so goodness knows how or if I’ll get paid back. I’m so mad inside about this.
Anyway, he didn’t use until this morning as he was drunk and exhausted (had only slept 2 hours on the night I was gone). So he did go to sleep and slept quite well. He wakes up today and uses… thought he’d be okay today because of that but he was awful!!!
He spent all day ranting at me about how awful I am… from… I cause him so much stress, which is apparently why he uses and smokes so much, through to he can’t trust me as I’m a bad mum, which is why he has quit jobs so he can monitor me… as well as apparently never making his phone calls or doing his admin as I stress him out so much he is always recovering from it apparently… he was just going on all day and evening.
Nevermind that he’s always high or on a come down and that’s why he never makes his calls and can’t hold down work.
Apparently I had also ruined his high so in his mind he equates taking the drugs as de-stressing from me so then if I ruin the high then I’ve doubly stressed him. But the thing is, me just existing and breathing is apparently enough to ruin his high so while I live here, I’m not really sure how to avoid this happening!
Tbh, I’m so used to his ranting on that part of me doesn’t even register half of it but today I did find it quite hard to bear. It’s just the constant and endless nature of it. It makes me anxious. He also was being aggressive on and off… I felt very on edge trying to anticipate what’s coming next. I could literally not do one thing right.
I’m fed up I guess. Fed up of trying to make things a tiny bit okay for our child while I wait to get out. There was nothing for me to bid on this week, so that hasn’t helped my mood either as it means yet more waiting.
How was your day? I hope work went well and was peaceful for you.
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Oh wow, you are lucky he’s away.
Do you know what, mine is exactly the same. He does NOTHING, literally nothing in the house. Well nothing except boss and order me around. That’s why I’m confident in living alone now… I already do it all, so what difference will it make if he’s not there?
He was meant to fix our washing machine about 6 weeks ago. He took it apart and we found the problem. I got the spare part and that just needs putting in – shouldn’t take more than 20 to 30 minutes. I’m still waiting. I have taken some washing to my mum’s and some to my friend’s but basically it is all piling up now. I almost can’t believe he hasn’t fixed it. It’s so lazy! He literally doesn’t give a hoot about us… we need a washing machine!
He’s off work at the moment. I’m hoping he goes back sometime this week. I need him to earn some money. He’s on a crisp and chocolate-athon at the moment. He’s spent all day in the bath/bed. All he keeps talking about is the England match later.
Meanwhile I was up early to take our child to nursery, washed up, got lunch, have been working (remote), went to pick our child up and will basically have to go to a school meeting in a bit, go to the shop because he wants snacks and drinks and come back and get tea etc.
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I think his come downs are so frequent… whenever he stops using as the crack high doesn’t last long… so it can be nightly or daily depending upon when he last used.
Tbh, I don’t know how I’m coping the past couple of days. He’s been awful. Was having some kind of attack of paranoia and banging on the walls and ceiling, checking out the window, shouting at people who are apparently spying on him/us and playing the tv at the highest volume… late into the night.
I feel as if I’m starting to lose it myself. I just want to run away! He blames me for everything. I also already have no money for food. So not sure what to do going forwards. I told him he needs to work… but not sure his boss wants him back at the moment.
How are you? xx
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