[rologirl21]

Hi hope everyone’s ok.

So since April I been testing my husband for cocaine and his test we’re coming back mostly negative.

Last weekend we went out had a lovely day / eve. Later in the eve my husband was quite drunk but acting very odd.

Later on when he was drunk I decided to do a couple of test on him without him knowing when he went for a wee.

The test came back positive and it made me so angry because we been getting back on track and I thought maybe I’m getting the hubby back and he started to realise coke was not good and not needed.

Anyway the next day I confronted him and he completely denied it saying the tests were wrong. He then said I want you to do a test which I thought was odd ????

It was not a problem for me so I did a test and guess what my test was positive ????

I am so so angry cause I would never ever touch drugs I absolutely detest them.

I think he planned to take cocaine that day and added some to my drinks so that we would be both positive and he could use the excuse the test are rubbish.

I’m so angry ????

I asked him why he feels the need to do cocaine and his response is i don’t do it but when i did …i did it when I’m in a happy mood.

I wish he grow up but I think he actually likes doing cocaine and he don’t see it as a problem.

I have re tested 4 days later and he’s now negative again.

I don’t think he uses all the time I think he has binges when working with certain idiots at work who I know use.

Any advice support much appreciated as I’m at my wits end and I really don’t want to nag as I know that’s what will drive him too take more.

Thanks Amanda

[bt1978]

Hey right off the bat putting gear into someone’s drink is not cool, in fact it’s very very messed up.

How likely do you think that is?

What if you reacted badly and ended up in hospital?

Sorry to seem harsh but he has some very serious issues if that is the case and you need to think about that

[rologirl21]

Trust me it’s totally woke me up. I contacted counselling for myself today as I’m constantly worrying about him, what he’s up to etc

I have decided to get help with me becoming strong again and getting my life back.

If he wants to ruin his life that’s upto him. I’m done with trying to help someone that won’t help them self.

Time to be happy with me 🙂

[bt1978]

I didnt mean to come across negative, but if there is an ounce of truth in your suspicion you should part company immediately

[rologirl21]

Ps I thought it was odd him asking me to do one. Looks like it was planned. I don’t think he put loads in but enough to make me positive (my counsellor opinion) is way of me thinking the test are rubbish.

I’m sick and tired of worrying and nagging. Not gonna get me anywhere that’s why I’m concentrating on me from now on. Time for me to get my life back. X

[rologirl21]

No not at all. How else would I be positive? I tested him 2 days after he was still positive and I was negative.

4 days later he’s now negative.

I really think he enjoys it. If I bring up the conversation on drugs he gets really angry ????

I just feel helpless I think he’s a binge user and likes doing it

[bt1978]

I agree.

Whilst I understand that addiction makes you weird and horrible stuff when using, that it’s a step too far IMHO

[bt1978]

On a serious note. Is he actually looking to get help?

I was very fortunate my wife was understanding of my issues, I did however acknowledge that I can’t drink or do drugs safely and had to change or I’d lose everything. Do you think he is near that at all?

[rologirl21]

No not at all. I think he’s enjoying doing it. Like he as control and secrecy.

He won’t talk to me about it at all. I had to find Coke bags, straws etc

Then he finally admitted to me but still won’t open up.

I know he got into with the blokes at work cause they all do it. He told me he only tried it to experiment and that he’s not now.

He’s lying to himself.

I don’t think i can help as he won’t let me in :/

[bt1978]

That’s horrible.

However until he is prepared to get help there isn’t much you can do

[rologirl21]

I know ????????????. It makes me feel helpless.

I think he’s been doing it since Sept last year more often.

Before that I’m not sure if it was once blue moon.

Time to look after me from now on hopefully he will realise I’m not interested :/

[bt1978]

Just keep coming here for support. You are in a tough spot. A lot of good people helping out in here

[rologirl21]

Thank you ???? I am also looking forward to starting my own counselling to get me back.

I have totally lost myself with worrying.

I use to be outgoing, fun to be with. Now I’m just a paranoid mess worrying what he’s upto.

I start my first session on 05th Aug.

Really want to be the person I use to be strong and not putting up with rubbish.

Hopefully chatting here and counselling I’ll find myself x

[jorge15]

Yeah first of all. If he has put it in your drink and you’re sure he has. Get out of there. That’s dirty and not forgivable.

But, I guess there are other ways you could have been positive. Could he have tampered with the test?.

Let’s assume that he didn’t do anything wrong. Cos that’s a different story. If you love him, and he’s a good bloke, really.a good bloke, then please praise him for how well.he has done. He will slip up, he’s trying to get off one of the most addictive substances in the world. If you really want to support him,.creat an environment where he feels.comfortable to tell.you when he’s done it. Maybe not at the time but a few days later. Then just talk to him about what made him want to do it. I’m pretty sure that he just really wanted to enjoy himself with you, and in the back of his head he wasn’t sure whether he could without it. So without even really making a conscious decision he got some and did it. Talk to him. Find those triggers with him. And make a plan for it. Never listen to him when he says he’s all good and no it thinking about it. He is , trust me he is. But if hes managed to be clean for months, that’s massive. Shows he really wants it.

He will have wobbles, but to have someone that will understand rather then chastise is the kind of thing that most of us dream of.

[rologirl21]

He swears he never put anything in my drink. I just can’t understand how I was positive. Or can the test be rubbish and give false positives.

I’m sick of worrying about it tbh

He’s a good bloke but I think his work gang are totally no good for him. Few of them have lost there wives and are addicted.

When I try to talk he gets very angry and says I’m not talking about it.

If he’s not addictive or really deep down hates it why’s he so angry if I mention it?

The lies and secrecy is what I hate and it just hammers away at any trust I have left now.

Until he turns around and says I do want to stay off it and I need your support I am taking a back step.

How can I help someone who can’t help themselves:(

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