[donthaveaclue]

Hi

I’m sorry that you are going through this too.

In reply to your question – I don’t think you really can. You can’t fight for them. It has to come from them.

All I think you can do is be there for the person should they choose go take the steps to follow through detox and recovery. You have been drawing clear boundaries, which is great. He has been pushing you to break those, which obviously it’s hard not to do as you love and care about him.

Have you sought counselling or attended one of the groups for partners going through this? It might help you and prevent your own mental health worsening further. It is do hard not to get totally worn down by this situation.

I’ve been in a similar position as mine has had 2 suicide attempts one of whicj was nearly successful. I’ve tried hard to get help for him but there isn’t the inmediate type of help he really needed at that time and the onus is on him to get help, which he hasn’t been in a fit state or the right state of mind to do. The resources suggested by the CMHT and GP he hasn’t followed through and so remains in active addiction with severe mental health issues.

I’ve had to prioritise my own physical, mental and emotional health and that of our young child now. I accept he may kill himself through substance abuse or through suicide but I also realise that’s not my fault. I have done what I can do and ultimately he is an adult who has to take responsibility for his life and health.

I’m in the process of leaving.

I read that many addicts need to literally reach rock bottom in order to beat their addiction. My presence in his life is quite enabling even though I don’t mean to be and I also bring a lot of normality by keeping the house running amd caring for our child so he has been able to exist like this for a couple of years with nearly everyone else being oblivious to his addiction!

I accept him for who he is and have tried to be kind and understanding, this has done none of us any favours! I should have been firmer but I also realise that to a point it doesn’t matter what I do or have done… he will do what he wants as he has been and is governed by the addiction and nothing else.

I am now drawing those lines and boundaries even if he doesn’t realise it and one day soon be will be left alone with his addiction and demons to sort himself out. I think he will either manage to lift himself out of it by some miracle or continue on possibly getting worse.

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