[listera]

Hello everyone, I feel a little easier just beginning to write my experience with my fiancée. Her Dad was diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago and I noticed the drink steadily increasing to the extent where I marked the spirit bottles (I used to have a cabinet with various drinks in case I fancied one) and found large amounts disappearing over a short period of time. The tipping point was a qtr bottle of tequila in a day. She stumbled as she walked and could barely look me in the eye or speak. This was how it began. Since then things haven’t really changed, she admits to having a problem and states she wants to sort it out, she’s attended the gp and alcohol service 3 times in the last three years but doesn’t seem to stick it out although we had covid kick off just as she was about to start a detox programme. I’ve given up alcohol completely to support her, got rid of all the alcohol out the house, but the lies and deceit continue. I’m continually finding bottles and cans all over the house and she’s even said I should take her bank card and meet her after work so she isnt able to drink. All this makes it so incredibly difficult to leave but I feel completely at my wits end and her family are now also blaming me and they have recently found out the extent of it. Her mom told me I am the cause because I don’t let her have a life and I’m a control freak, she also told me in front of her mom and brother she didn’t love me anymore but within 12 hours retracted that and said she didn’t mean it. This was heartbreaking and I’m not sure I can move on from it although she says it was the drink talking and does love me and will do whatever it takes to sort her problem out. Our battle I guess is her family are drinkers, particularly her mom who drinks most days if not every day. It’s an environment where my fiancée can go and drink. It’s a fact that every time she visits that house she drinks because it’s around her and they are usually drinking too. I feel like even if she wants to give it up which I believe she does she is really up against it. She even asked her brother to hide beer for her when we visited so I wouldn’t know and he did. I just don’t know what to do anymore and it’s all making me I’ll. I’m not eating properly and have a really difficult job which needs me to be emotionally present and able to concentrate but I’m massively struggling. I’m upset on an almost daily basis. She is booked up in for a medical assessment pre detox in 7th April something she has sorted out but I just worry sick that she isn’t going to be able to stay away from the influences that enable and allow her to drink. Her Mom said very recently she won’t stop drinking around her daughter and if she wants to drink 20 cans in front of her she will.

Tonight I’ve found a vodka bottle on top of the kitchen cupboard. She is drinking in front of me at the moment because I’ve asked her to just be honest and not lie about what she’s drinking so we can work it out together but the lies go on. She’s drank a decorative bottle of ouzo my deceased father bought for me and it is the only gift I have from him, she has lied on her own dads ashes she hasn’t had a drink but has been found out twice. I can’t believe a word she says any more and the trust has completely gone. How long do I go on living like this? I want to support her, I feel I’m the only one around her totally committed to supporting her but it is never enough and actually I get the blame a lot of the time. Her a dad has now passed over 12 months, I’m currently lying in bed alone as I can’t wake her on the sofa, most likely intoxicated with this vodka ive just found as well as the San Miguel drinking in front of me. This is so hard, my Dad was an alcoholic so I’m super sensitive to the signs and this is tearing me up. Thanks for reading, I wish you all the best x

[leda]

I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. I think the sad fact is that the more you support her the worse she will become. She feels safe to carry on with her addiction. It’s a hard thing to watch. You have to put yourself first and in doing so you might find out that that it is better for her too.

[Author]

Posts