[rosesht36]

Hi this is my second post on here it’s nice to know everyone here understands how I feel.

My husband has been in a funny mood to be honest all day and it’s funny how the trigger signs of a bad evening start, he has been extremely secretive about me being anywhere near his phone which straight away I knew something was wrong he snapped unnecessarily and then started to drink alchole bearing in mind he was ment to work today but made a excuse not to work which I always now read as a bad sign.As the day went on we took the kids out and he was very distant not engaging in conversation just on his mobile phone not in conversation but up to something which again only rises my suspicion on he is up to no good. Later he continued to be on the phone and drinking and smoking tobacco and just ignored me if I tried to talk he would just snap and then he just got more angry threw his wedding ring at me and walked out. I just collapsed into tears feeling so helpless I love him yet he tears my heart into, alone and feeling low I sit here on my bed with wonder why? I guess that’s what they say when the demons enter someone that it becomes something beyond what we that dont do understand. I just need a friend right now????

[posie]

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I’ve been there too, crying at nights until my eyes are all puffy. You need to remember that this is not about you, it’s his demons and his mistakes. I think it’s important in this situation to start focusing on yourself and your kids. As hard as it is to accept, he is not your responsibility, you can’t make it do anything he doesn’t want to. He has to want to change himself. I’m here if you need to talk anytime

[rosesht36]

Hi posie thank you for your last message somehow I went to reply but ended up replying to myself in confusion. Tonight has been another classic of him storming off and shutting himself in the bathroom avoiding me, it really hurts me and I am just so exhausting by his behaviour but I love him to much to give up and walk away from him. Your right he is the only one who can give up the cocaine and I sadly cant do that for him but I just feel lost and alone most nights and wish I could feel happier.

[mrpopple]

Hi Rose,

I’m recently trying to come to terms that I have an issue with cocaine.

From personal experience I only do small amounts (1-5g) a month depending on cravings.

However I feel like it’s becoming out of control and I hope to confront my partner soon.

The best recipe in my opinion would be for you to talk to him when he’s not high and try to agree to take control of the finances (both wages into a joint account) this way you can track how much he’s doing, it might also make him think twice.

[rosesht36]

Hi mr popple thank you for you feed back its good to hear from someone who is on the other side too. I have tried talking to him about it but he always goes back on his words and will always make me out to be in the wrong when all I do is care. I guess i care to much all I do is take each day As it comes and hope that it wont end up with his ignorance of ignoring me. Is there anything that you can say helps towards try to stop the cocaine and alcohol? Does anything work at all ? Or am I mad in thinking that.

[mrpopple]

Hi Rose. In all honesty if he’s starting to take things out on you and it’s taking a toll on your mental well-being, then I suggest walking away.

Unfortunately an addict can have the best intentions in the world, however the drug craving will always prevail.

Potentially walking away (even temporary without his awareness) may give him the wake up call he needs.

[retroheadz]

Hi Roses,

Men don’t make any sense just as much as women and my wife has had to cope with my Crazy for years! The wedding ring throwing is something that people do and usually think it works but all it does is punch your partner in the heart ???? he very well maybe up to something and I think you know that you need to prepare yourself for that as the one single thing that helped escalate this is ALCOHOL ???? it’s horrible and it damages everything and everyone, it’s a drug! The worst drug. He almost certainly needs some help for his mind his addiction and it’s definitely an addiction regardless of what he may think. He’s self medicating and this reason could be one of many things and getting professional help maybe his only option, he will probably poo poo that idea as most men do but not knowing what he’s up to is naturally worrying for you and not a great environment for your children. I wish I could say he’s not doing anything horrible that would affect your trust but I can’t and he’s the only one that can tell you that so starting with the alcohol is your direction is guess. Remember that it’s not your fault and you sound like a loving and caring wife that wants a stable environment, but when a partner has an addiction or a mental health issue you can’t really cure them because your not a professional. More often than not people are stuck in this kind of situation until they grow old and the kids leave home but if you feel safe enough to approach this then do so because you don’t want to be sad. Life it too short to be sad especially in uncertain times. Don’t let his action affect yours regardless of how many years you have been together because your still a person with feelings.

[rosesht36]

Thank you for your feed back I have to find time to talk on here without the risk of my husband seeing and ending in arguing. I know your right and knowing I do all I can do is enough to know that I am ok and knowing I can talk here about any issues and upset I have really helps me through life so thanks

[rosesht36]

Thank you all for understanding yes times are very hard for me at the moment he was ment to be working today but when I got home he wasn’t there and all his work clothes were here I realised that he is obviously up to no good somewhere. Sadly I can’t control this your all so right he us an adult and just does what he wants has no care over my feelings and how sad I feel being pushed away for what reason I may never know as he wont talk to me without snapping back so I say nothing ask nothing. The children are my step kids and they live with there mother but they stay with us twice in a week, in one way I am greatfull they dont see their father like this but sadly he has walked out on us all before and trying to make up a lie to two small kids is heart breaking as I have no answer to give why their dad hits alchole and cocaine and runs away from us those that love him. I feel very alone confused and angre too at allowing myself to feel so low I am a loving loyal person to all that knows me and I am not going to change and having to live knowing that he may never change makes me feel very sad

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