[jopack]

I made a mistake 10 years in to my long term relationship and I owned up to it. It was a massive mistake and I deeply regret it. I also think I was date raped but have no evidence of this, just a very odd a bizarre experience. I tried to confide in my friends and they turned against me. It was taking effect on my mental health and I was beginning to feel lost and very alone in life. I started to believe I’d pushed the self destruct button and was on a downward spiral. I confessed to my partner and we decided to stay together, move house and start a fresh. I was still suffering from how my friends had treated me and this wasn’t getting resolved which continued to affect me.

We moved in May 2021, I was so happy as we had awful neighbours which used to threaten us in our old house which also affected me mentally. To be together, better ourselves and start a family at long last. We had an amazing family home with plenty of potential, I couldn’t of been happier…besides the sadness of not having my friends. My partner changed jobs in July, I started to see a difference in his behaviour and attitude in August/September and I started to put two and two together. I got all the signs of him having an affair. He gas lighted me for months. Denying anything was going on. Nothing he said would add up and he’d make me feel I was going insane and losing my mind. He’s always been known to tell silly lies but this last year and half he’s completely changed as a person and the lies have become beyond excessive. Come October he was arrested for stealing 10 thousand pounds from his previous employer. This is so out of character for him and I was completely blown away, he said he done it for me. I stood by him and it’s an on going investigation. He admitted to another girl the same night he was arrested but assured me it was me he wanted and not her, that he didn’t have sex with her as he couldn’t get an errection…to which she told him to get viagra…he did this but told me he didn’t take it as it’s not what he wanted. He told me it was over between them. Made out to me it was all her pushing this. I was still suspicious as all the signs started again, his attitude, constantly lying, things didn’t add up.

I finally had all the information I needed to prove he was having an affair. A week before Christmas 2021 it all came to a head, he had another girlfriend which he’d introduced to his family, living and working with her and booked a holiday to Mexico for January 2022. (He’d been telling people we’d finished in the July which was a complete lie) I was devastated, my whole world had fallen apart. He’d been living a double life for months and had made me believe it was all in my head. He’s now left me with a mountain of debt, a house which is half renovated and I only work part time. All for a girl he barely knows. He’s told numerous lies to his family and friends and also his new partner.

I dread losing this amazing house all for a guy that has emotionally abused me for months if not years.

Im now on antidepressants and seeking therapy to help me get my life back on track as I’ve considered ending it all as I feel there’s no way back from this. He’s left me with nothing and has shown no remorse for his actions. I now have suspicions he’s on cocaine, hence the massive debts, the sneaky behaviour, finding empty viagra boxes, the attitude, weight loss, the whites of his eyes and skin is yellow, his urine is black, desperate for money, loan letters, unpaid fines, the compulsive lying…to the point he believes his own lies, he’s avoiding certain friends and some family members. He also had me arrested under false allegations and then lied to say his work place done it. This list is never ending. It’s like he’s possessed by something and I can’t help but think this new girl isn’t helping with his decision making. She had an abortion with his baby as “she isn’t ready” for that, paid for him to go to Mexico, got a tattoo of his initial on her, moved him in to her place, works with him, buys him teenager type presents (he’s 34 and wrote a 5 page letter back-which to me is not normal for a 34 year old to do that), planning their wedding and family and they plan to go travelling end of this year with the sale of my house! all in the space of a couple of months.

Does anyone know if this sounds as though 1, he’s on cocaine (as I know he’s found bags of it at work previously), 2, having some kind of mental breakdown or disorder, 3, if this girl is fuelling the situation. A few days before it all came to a head he said to me he doesn’t know where he’s going in life, what he’s doing, he used to know his next move etc and be mentally strong. Out of everything he says I actually believed that. When he was caught out and confronted me, he wept (no tears) and said it all got in a mess (the situation with the new girl). I also believed that too.

Any help or advise would be much appreciated.

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