[jamesb]

Really struggling this week, mothers day I think of brought it on but was wondering if there is anyone on here who is either suffering cocaine addiction or in recovery from it who may of lost their parents.

I’m 30 and lost mum to cancer in 2018 and my dad 3 days prior to the 1st anniversary of her passing in 2019.

I had issues with coke before they died but I used cocaine almost every day just to block out the pain of their passing.

I’m doing alright I’ve been clean for a while now but the problem I have now is when I’m sad, I can’t just do a line, block out all emotion and.be okay again. I actually have to be sad which I know most normal people have to do anyway but I’m really struggling missing them at the moment so I guess I’m asking for advice on how to deal with emotions and stuff after being a cocaine addict because as an addict you don’t have to deal with emotion. Anyway hope you’re all keeping well. One day at a time aye x

[unsure2021]

Aww I hope your OK James, just keep going as hard as it is , feelings can be the worst thing in the world , I can’t imagine what your going through but I’m sure your parents would want you to keep doing what your doing, do you have a partner or a close friend you can talk to ? , sending you a hug you can get through this x

[lindyloo]

Hi Jamesb

So sorry to hear you’re struggling, I know from my son’s experience how hard it is to deal with sad or difficult situations while you are in recovery.

Perhaps you could share this with someone close to help you through? The fellowship guys are so supportive in times of need, I know they’ve helped my son through some difficult times in his recovery.

I would say it’s normal to still want to grieve, perhaps a bereavement counselling service may help you.

Please stay strong, seek support and look after yourself- you have been so supportive to others here, don’t be afraid to seek support if you need it.

My son is your age, I’d like to think he’d seek support if he was in your situation, I wouldn’t want him being upset or struggling. I know they would be so proud of what you have achieved so far. ❤️

Stay strong lad,

I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Lx

[jamesb]

Thankyou both for your kind words.

I guess I was having a bit of a wobble yesterday. It’s a tough one speaking to friends and stuff because at no fault of their own, all they are able to say is “I can’t imagine how hard it is mate” and ” here no matter what.”

The thing Is as much as a call to a friend will be nice and they will say nice things the reality is once the phone is hung up nothing has changed. They will still be gone etc.

Now we are all a bit older we all have our own lives and own things going on, so I could see a mate, have a chat say I’m going good with the gear, still not touched it, they will say “well done bro, be proud of yourself” which of course I am. I might say I’m struggling with missing my parents (it’s mainly the guilt of not being who I wanted to be for the last 5 years or so of their lives) and they might say some comforting things like “they are looking down on you mate they would be proud”

But then I go home and my pals go back to their family, Mrs etc and I am still left feeling like my center of gravity is missing.

When they where here I didn’t need them for too much, I have looked after myself since 18 paid my own way etc but I took for granted the things I did need them for. Like a quick call to my mum just to say works been sh** this week or just anything.

I don’t know really what I’m trying to say but when I was doing coke everyday I didn’t grieve for them, I don’t think I even accepted they had gone And now for the first time I’m years I’m experiencing emotions and it’s hard to deal with.

Sorry I was making no sense there but it’s nice just to type what I’m feeling sometimes. That’s why I try to help people on here. On some small way I feel like I’m making amends with myself for the wrongs I did.

Love to everyone struggling right now. No matter what The sun comes up every morning and goes down every evening and soon what seems like a big deal now will seem like a distant memory and you’ll be on the other side of it x

[notmyrealname]

Hi James, I’ve lost both my parents, one 3 years ago and one at the beginning of this year, it takes time to grieve and as you have delayed the grieving process it’s going to take you longer. it is natural and it will make you stronger when you get through this. The feelings of grief will slowly start to feel less strong but of course it’s going to feel very strange for you from the difference of having felt so numb before. You can’t change the past and we all have regrets of varying extents but what you can do when you feel ready is to work on the future on day at a time and instead of feeling guilty that you didn’t make the most of the last few years, work on the next few and be the best version of you. Good luck.

[unsure2021]

Hey James, I don’t know where you stay but where I am we have a mens mental health charity where all men are welcome and they have guys who are struggling with addiction, grief, and lots of other things and a lot of the guys that go have said it helps , is there anything like that where you are ? X

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