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Hi
I don’t really know where to start or begin to describe what I’m going through currently but at breaking point would probably be the best description
My current husband is , or was, in recovery for weed and benzos. We meet three years ago and I knew he did a little weed but not to the extent that he using it as most people use cigarettes. He was then furloughed in 2020 and found the dark web and bought benzos. It came to a head one day with his totally inappropriate behaviours that I called his parents whom I had never met…
They paid for him to have a month in rehab. Whilst there I found out that he had been using weed since he was 15 (he was then 25) and that there had been instances with Coke too.
Long story short after many episodes of threatening and violent behaviour they threw him out to protect his younger brothers. And hence why they were distanced from him themselves.
Rehab seemed to help (he says not) but we were on an even road and he managed 6 months before the weed came back, in drips and drabs. Then it stopped again and so on and so on.
Fast forward to this year. He has been secretly buying weed since February, hundreds of pounds worth a month which is money we don’t have, and has now found benzos again.
It came to a head at the weekend when he grabbed me, threatened me and told me I would be put in a grave because of him. He starred smashing up the house and I called the police.
He spent a day in custody but I did not file charges as I understand it’s an addiction, a disease…
However, my first marriage was abusive and now I find myself in another one. My (adult) son from my first marriage lives with us and says he can’t cope with it. I left his father (husband 1) as he was abusive to us both.
I don’t know what to do.
We are in the process of buying a house together but how can I do that? Or even stay with him when there is no trust? Even on our honeymoon he took drugs at the airport before we boarded the plane…
I feel so torn…
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I’m sorry you find yourself in this place also.
Whatever you do, do not buy a house with him. I really believe that works be a very bad idea, as not only does that tie you to him but also if he is getting into debt, it is not ideal at all.
Can you look at getting yourself somewhere to live with your son? Even if it’s renting.
Your partner can sort himself out by himself. If he truly wants to… he can do it.
I’m in a similar position except we have a young child together. I’ve decided that he needs to sort himself out – I can’t make him quit and I can’t tolerate his behaviour, which is paranoid, violent, delusional, aggressive and volatile etc. He has tried to quit by himself and falls back in very quickly. I’m fed up with it. I’m just waiting to get rehoused.
Put yourself and your son first.
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