[mrslight77]

Hope this forum is still active.

Here’s my story, any advice will be greatly welcome and appreciated.

I have known of my husband for 22 years, we were both with our partners for 19 of those years but finally got together 3 years ago, we married 2 yrs ago. I thought I was the luckiest lady ever. I love my husband so much but he has drink problems. At first we would polish off 4 bottles of wine at night most nights, the odd night we would go out and it simmered down a bit. He has always been a bit of a sickly person, throwing up with stomach pains etc. The first year we was together, he refused to go the GP and initially thought it might be IBS. I suggested one day that he cut down on alcohol to see if it helped, he did a little bit but didn’t make much difference. When we got married, on day 1 of our honey moon, I ended up calling an ambulance, he was so poorly, he was in hospital for a week and was told he needed his gall bladder removed and had pancreatitis and needed to stop drinking. Once again he cut down, had surgery and his health improved. At this point he had 6 months off work. The drinking crept back in, he was having maybe 4 cans of beer every night or a bottle of wine or we would share a bottle of gin once a week. I can take it or leave alcohol. Last year he was admitted to hospital again, this time with Chronic Pancreatitis, he was in and out of hospital for 3 months and had another 6 months off work. His consultant told him that he is killing himself and 1 more drink could kill you. He finally had a shock and said he wouldn’t drink. I started to buy him different non alcoholic beers which he loves and seemed happy.

He started to occasionally have a bottle of beer or a can of Gin n Tonic. My working hours increased which keeps me out of the house from 10am until the early hours of Sunday morning. I come home to find him asleep but drunk, I know he is drunk because he snores louder and swears, punches himself in his sleep. When I challenge him he completly denies it.

I have smelt alcohol on him a number of times and he always denies it. I really laced into him last month as he came in from work clearly having had a drink, I pecked and pecked at him until he admitted he had a shot of rum, no way was he drunk on that, so I searched the house and found a bottle of empty rum in his work bag. The same thing happened again 2 week later but this time a bottle of brandy. At this point, he agreed to go to get help, I checked opening times and location, went there to be told they had moved to another address and the closed within 5 minutes. I was really hopeful but couldn’t get him seen.

He agreed to go in the week but when that came he refused again.

Yesterday a neighbour stopped me and asked if my husband was OK as he saw him on our local park, staggering about, he couldn’t get off the bench etc… I was fuming, he was responsible for my 11 year old child at the time and he goes out to the shop and necks alcohol quickly.

We argued last night, he says he don’t have a problem, he is not going anywhere and that this neighbour is lying.

I don’t have a problem with him drinking But when he has been told he is killing himself I don’t understand why he is doing. He makes himself ill then its me picking up the pieces and keeping the family going whilst he is in hospital.

He is making me ill, I cry alot, I have panic attacks, I have started smoking, I go to work and don’t want to come home.

I love him so much, but I am not enough for him, although he says I am. He takes anti depressants and has done since his ex stopped him for seeing his little boy 3 years ago. I can’t imagine life without him, I can see me being a widow within the next few years if he carries on.

Where do you find the strength to support them?

[georgia26]

Hi Mrslight77,

Firstly its not that you’re not enough for him, you must not blame yourself as its not you.. I felt this way once, until I realised that actually its not me, they are sick they have a disease and by the sounds of it, your husband is seriously in deep.

I think he needs to go to the doctors and needs to beg for help, he needs to go into a rehab unit or it will kill him.

you must put yourself first and realise that with addiction, it comes first, no matter what you do or say it grabs them back in – until he admits and seeks help you cannot do anything – my advice would be PUT YOURSELF FIRST..

Your well being and own mental health needs to come first – and your childs of course..

my partner was drinking and drug taking and it killed me inside as i blamed myself for a long time, it makes you feel lonely and confused doesnt it..

I wish i had an answer for you but i do know that its not your fault, its a serious disease which changes the person you once fell in love with. He wont be doing this to hurt you but sadly it tears relationships apart.

He needs rehab, its honestly the only way xx

[icarus-trust]

Hi There,

I’m so sorry to read your story. It must be very stressful and emotionally draining to watch your husband drinking when you know what harm he is doing to himself. Please don’t blame yourself – he does have an illness and hopefully he can get help for himself.

I am sorry to read about your panic attacks and wonder if you would like to get some help for yourself.

I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We support people who are going through what you are, coping with the addiction of a partner or family member. We have experienced trained people, and if you contact us I can put you in touch with one of them. Maybe talking with someone who knows what you are going through might help and they would be able to let you know what other help is available to you.

I am sorry to read about your panic attacks and wonder if you would like to get some help for yourself.

Good luck with everything.

[icarus-trust]

Sorry I didn’t give you any contact details!

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org

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