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August 14 – Nar-Anon SESH Reading
Facing Reality
The reality that my loved one is an addict and has a disease is a tough reality to face. It is hard for me to have much hope, when the addict is always causing problems for others, as well as himself. The addict’s refusal to seek help, stop lying, and be responsible is very frustrating!
I can see the answers easily, so I ask myself, “Why can’t the addict?” “Does the addict walk around with rose-colored glasses convincing himself that everything is fine?” When disaster strikes, my addicted loved one acts bewildered and unable to understand what has happened. Then, I want to shake him and say, “Face reality. It is as plain as the nose on your face! You are hooked on drugs and that is the problem.”
Of course, trying to get the addict to face reality is not easy. He is in denial about anything being wrong, and definitely does not see the situation the same as I see it. Many times the addict does not even think he has a drug problem. Rose-colored glasses seem to be forever glued to his face. However, there are times when I am also in denial. I allow myself to wear those same rose-colored glasses and convince myself that I can fix him. At times, reality is a tough thing to face and the struggle for growth can be overwhelming. As someone who loves an addict, I must face the reality that I have no control over his disease of addiction or the problems it causes. I must leave the addict alone to discover this on his own. I cannot do it for him.
Thought for Today: I must have the strength to allow the addict to make progress in his own time. Living in denial only hinders the recovery process for me and for the addict.
“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.” ~ George Bernard Shaw
Nar-Anon Sharing Experience Strength & Hope Book
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Hi Dragonfly, thank you for sharing your story here.
It’s so very hard to get into the mind of an addict. Whether it is drugs alcohol or some form of substance abuse it is so very hard for us to deal with our loved ones who are at the mercy of the cruelness that addiction causes.
Everyone here will understand the torment and turmoil addiction causes in a relationship.
You are right though – you must let the addict seek support on his own terms- when he’s ready.
I’m the mum of a 29yr son who has alcohol and cocaine addictions. I know the pain and distress caused by addiction it affects the addict their loved ones, their career health everything. But they need to open their eyes and recognise they need help.
I wanted to offer you some hope, my son was about to lose everything about 2 years ago.
He reached out for support – joined AA and CA groups and attends regular meetings. He had a few relapses o the way, this is normal. To date he is 13 months free from alcohol and cocaine.
He is helping others now too. It’s been tough but it can be done.
Read Danman83 and Jamesb posts they are guys who are in early recovery too offering support and advice.
Definitely look after yourself, you’re not to blame for any of this. The addict knows they are at fault but will always blame others for their demise.
Please stay strong, have faith (I pray a lot!,) and look after your own health and well-being. Be ready to support him when he’s ready.
Sending hugs and prayers
Lx ❤️
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Hi thank you for sharing your story. Your doing the best thing for you as you saying goes you didn’t cause it, you cant cure it & you cant control it. It’s so devastating when you first learn of your loved ones addiction your brain cannot comprehend what’s happening the overwhelming feelings & worries consume you daily it’s so tough! I hope alanon helps you, im thinking of joining myself as i really want to learn how to detach with love. Can I ask do you go to the meetings in person or via zoom? I know they did them via zoom during pandemic. Sending love x
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