[jajoso]

I have found myself back here again after my original post 8months ago.
I cannot believe how stupid and naive I really am.. he told me he was clean the whole 8 months from my original post. He drinks a lot of alcohol each night.. and works very long hours. I had assumed he gave up on addiction for another and he would say a few beers each night after 12-14 hour work day.. helped him wind down and sleep. Deep down I knew it was getting out of control but I would say to myself at least it’s not cocaine.

well last week I woke up to a text at 4am saying he had to come clean and could no longer hide how bad things had got. He admitted to taking coke 4-5 times a week. Which meant that he took it with me.. he couldn’t even look me in the eyes. He told me how he’d sneak off to the toilet while we were together or out. Or just before we went to bed.. now this I couldn’t understand why.. but since reading up it explains why he would be so horny. He asked me would I stay while he seemed help. He said he found a group and he would go to a meeting. The day of the meeting he said he felt good and had things under control (he said he didn’t do anything for 5 days) he said he wasn’t an addict and could quit this on his own. He promised to also stop alcohol but after 4 days was drinking again. We spoke about his triggers and one was alcohol and being alone. So I made the effort to be with him for 5 days to help him.

I have also discovered he messages other girls and been arranging to meet up and sending naked photos. I looked though his phone and found multiple chats with lots of women.. some strangers but most are long term friends of his.. who have partners or now single. I didn’t have long to look but it was mostly him trying to meet up (very embarrassing on his part) and I don’t even think I saw the half of what he was upto.. but it was him fishing for compliments and validation that he was a good person.

over the years of us being on and off in our relationship. he has gone back to his ex wife and moved in with another women. He would go AWOL for 12-14 hours not returning my calls.. I thought he was having an affair. He says this is one of the reasons he came clean.. as if him using cocaine was a better reason than having an affair.

I said I wouldn’t leave him and try to help him but this last week has killed me. I look at him with disgust and pity.. worrying he will have a blip again.. he told me to expect that this would happen.. I keep replaying arguments we had over in my head.. I can now see how he’d blame me for something, have a row and that was his excuse to have his bender.. leaving me feeling confused and like shit. Slowly over the months I have felt more and more worthless and lost confidence.
I was half right in the affair thing as he has been messaging other women.. and the other day tried to tell me I shouldn’t have a problem with it.

I can now for the first time see how he is trying to manipulate me.. blame me.. put me down.. caUse arguments all so he has an excuse to have a bender.. and then come back like nothing has happened . I know he forgets what he said or done ( or so he says) but I still remember and still feel like shit.

I know I have to leave him.. for my own sanity. I feel the whole 4 years have been one big lie. I can never have a serious relationship with a drug user.. someone whose morals and beliefs are so different to mine. Maybe subconsciously I was attracted to the bad boy who I thought I could save.. but I have realised I need to save myself because I am so tired and emotionally drained.
my eyes are wide open to why he has no friends.. no family.. no money.. no life.. everything was a big lie.

I just need to find the strength and courage to leave for good.. in the past he has always wormed his way back into my life.. please someone tell me how I can find this courage and strength.. how do I walk away and never look or come back

 

 

[Zoe]

Take each day as it comes. Focus on the positives whatever they may be. As small as they may be. I’m currently in a similar position and came on here looking for advise on what to do about my alcoholic husband. Three weeks ago he was taken away by the police. I took the opportunity. Battened down the hatches and left his suitcase outside the front door. Some days are hard some are easy. There are times when I think I’m being harsh. He is ill. In sickness and in health as we said. But then I remind myself that I now feel safe in my own home again. I’m not on edge again. I can be me again. I didn’t sign up to what I was living with and if I had a friend in my position I wouldn’t be saying anything other than to stick to your guns. Once a addict always an addict. The trust is gone. And what is a relationship without trust? I have limited communication as I found this helped and focus on each day. Never tomorrow or next week just here and now. Three weeks on its getting easier. I hope it does for you too.

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