[lorraine]

My Daughter had very good exam results from school although she was always in trouble,we had to change her middle school once as she has always been combative.I had always tried to be honest about things with her even about my own brief dalliance with cannabis and to watch out for drugs.This was to go against me as she often says “you did it Mum”.Anyways my Daughter became an addict,I have never said those words before.She moved out at 16,to go and live with the boyfriends mum,whilst waiting for him to come out of prison.They have lived together,split up ,moved out,been chucked out,assault charges,court appearances,reconciliations and many people shouting “smackhead “at her whilst walking down the street.Indeed,I was shocked when one day I was sat outside a cafe when her and other well known users engaged in a huge slanging match between themselves.I never thought this would be in my world.By xmas,last year,she was homeless again,she was jobless and had been chucked out by her dealer mates,so her and her black bags ended up on my doorstep.I have an autistic son who finds my daughters presence very unsettling as a row usually ensues not long after she walks through the door.We had to find somewhere for her to live.She went to my parents.On moving her stuff,I found a small rock of brown stuff and a spoon in a plastic bag.I felt sick.I think I always knew but this was real.She denied it was hers(of course),but it confirmed for me that she could never live with me ..ever.After xmas,she was attending turning point,I was so pleased and proud that she was seeking help.I forgot to say that all her previous evictions had cost me dearly.Money borrowed for food and bills(I realise now a common ruse),and never paid back.Holiday spoiled as she was constantly phoning with money problems.For her 21st,I took her to Cardiff,to stay in a nice hotel and have some time together.Heartbreaking to watch her measuring out her methadone before she can face breakfast.Heartbreaking to lie in a bed next to her watching her having bad dreams and fitful sleep and realising it’s out of my hands.She seemed to be positive though and we had a good time.But now the signs are back,the sores,the borrowing,the boyfriend,and once again homeless.I know some people might say she should live with me but I honestly don’t think my health could take it and I also have my young son to think of.I don’t know what the future holds.

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