[sahara]

I’ve been with my now husband since hs. About 7 or so years ago I started to notice a problem with drinking that I wish I had been more hands on with. It first appeared to me when he would wake from sleep and start peeing in our closet. I was cleaning grown man piss at 2am

I was younger than, And it alarmed me but I didn’t think much of it as I would have shots too but it never made me do that.

Fast forward some years, when I’ve begun complaining or pointing out his drinking, he’s doing up shots b4 work at 6am and lying to me about it. I then banned liquor from the house only to find that he’s got secret stashes hidden around. It got to a point where in front of our family and children at a cabin get away during a game of uno I hit him with a draw 4 and he went into a spill of how much he hated me. Everyone was thrown off. Another time I told him to stop drinking at another family function and he began cursing me out calling me out my name once again in front of family and our children.

At a later point he begans to sleep constantly when not at work. I later learned it wasn’t just alcohol but pills involved as well. One day when vacuuming I kept finding pills every so often on the floors. I’ve found jars of secret stashes of alcohol under the driver seat of his car, my oldest son when doing his chores discovered a old bottle of Gatorade filled with whisky tucked in the back which explained why he would frequent the bathroom so often.

My last straw was when he had another spiral last month and when I say spiral I mean at this point he is binge drinking for a week and then taking the next week off just to recoup. I was angry at him for his behavior in front of our oldest son who is quite aware of when his dad is drunk again. The next day bc of our argument he went to his siblings house who he also romped with due to being under the influence. They brought him back home bc he was too drunk to be driving. While everyone is present we have a good time and I let my gaurd down bc I don’t want to make it awkward for our company. During the get together he hands me a glass of wine. I take the glass. As time goes on I start to feel high. Long story short he spiked my wine with LSD.

When it comes together to me while on the acid trip what must of happened bc I knew I hadn’t taken anything I confront him about basically roofieing my wine. He denies it and tells me I’m crazy and delusional. But I knew he had done this. I sat up to 8am riding a acid trip going over and over about how much he was the devil at this point. He denied it for 3 days after the fact but got so drunk once he admitted it.

Since then I’ve been sleeping in our guest bedroom and honestly feel we are broken at this point. The alcoholism and pills and now the realization that he’s doing LSD as well while on alcohol makes me feel it’s too far gone and I can’t seem to love him in the way that I once did. He promised to not drink etc etc anymore as he has promised me before but that was a massive betrayal of trust and today at his brothers house I notice he keeps going to the bathroom. I go in and find a water bottle with wine hidden in the back drawer. I’ve honestly checked out and realize he’s done too much damage and my mind won’t let me forgive even tho my heart wants to. My issue is I don’t make enough to live on my own with two kids and I’m also in medical school at the moment so I work part time. I understand he’s not going to change, but I do love my best friend/husband but I’m afraid that particular incident has made me fall out of love with him. I get glimpses of moments when he’s sober and I think just maybe but then reality quickly reminds me bc i find evidence once again. I already told him I don’t wanna be with him anymore. My body language has changed but I notice in front of family he wants to be extra flirty as if he’s trying to prove something to them but knows we aren’t intimate and sleep in separate bedrooms. I feel bad but I also know he put us here and this is not my fault. But I’m sure it’s done.

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