[sob]

Hi everyone, I’ve just registered as I just needed to get this out. So after 7 years of being with my husband I found out in July that he has had a coke addiction throughout our whole relationship and before. He is a big drinker, I always put his behaviour down to alcohol however I’ve learnt it was coke and alcohol. He told me he’d sort himself out for me and our children, he had one counselling session and that’s it. I believe he tried to beat it, but I think he lied about the extend of his addiction. 4 weeks ago out of the blue he upped and left me, told me he didn’t love me anymore, swore blind it wasn’t because of the coke and that he wasn’t using. 2 weeks after he leaves he admits he’d been on it all weekend and that was part of the reason he left, other than he wasn’t happy but he won’t elaborate on that. I’ve been researching addiction and I know lies are part of it. I’m just devastated, I’ve tried to help him and support even before I found out because gambling was the cover up for a few years. I’m just broken, can’t get my head round coke is more important than me and his kids.

[cali111]

I feel the exact same way. I found out my husband was hiding his cocaine use from me about 6 months ago. It got out of control and he stopped coming home and left me said the same thing – not to do with the coke he was just unhappy. Before the cocaine use we were extremely happy. They will never own up to anything or take accountability nothing is their fault. I’m so sorry. I know it’s so confusing and hurtful. I’ve found a therapist which has been very helpful and have also had to go as far as start anxiety medication. It is a whole grieving process. Just ask yourself is this the life for me the life of cocaine and lies and I’m sure it’s not. Just sad it has to be this way for us the partners. Just know there’s lots of us who understand. This website is so helpful. I also suggest the Love Over Addiction podcast. This is our chance to grow. Xo

[ifonly]

I know how you both feel, me & the kids were everything our world was perfect. Been together 25 years 6 years ago realised his problem a massive problem he owed thousands left me to face it. He suffered a break down he got some help & support but he refused to talk about it when I tried he would say I’m stressing him out!! He stayed off it about 8 months 5 years later nothing changed, his promises are lies, he’s miserable never happy always my fault, I must hit him with guilt when he sees me but he doesn’t want guilt he wants his coke and it’s winning it’s destroyed my everything. Look out for your self your kids wish I left years ago but I paid his debts

[catcull]

I just found out my son has been taking cocaine since he was 18, he is 30 now. He also drinks alcohol with it, a kind of weekend binger. Im trying to have a relationship with my son but he is abusive, angry and changeable, very argumentative. I dont know what to do accept go to fa mtgs.

[hellosmee]

Hi, so sad reading your story. I’m sorry I can’t offer any advice but I feel your pain about trying to have a relationship with your son and finding it difficult. My son is 28 and is addicted to weed and alcohol. He still lives at home and is unemployed and I am struggling. He did succumb to cocaine but managed to beat that on his own and has been clean from it about 8/9 months, although he has confessed he does still get texts from his dealer but so far has resisted. The alcohol changes him. He gets nasty and aggressive and blames me for everything that has gone wrong in his life. When he is on one of his rants he wants me to accept blame and apologise for things in the past. He cannot let things go. He also says he behaves the way he does because of the way I am towards him and wants family counselling so that the therapist can see what he has to “deal with” and then maybe I can change so that he can too. My son is waiting for help from ARC but they don’t offer family therapy, just support for the addict and I’m struggling to find someone who might be able to help. I saw your post refers to “fa mtgs” and wondered what that is?

[kittenmitten]

Your story of being in the dark is very similar to me. I also thought that it was down to alcohol like you – when he went out with mates i never went as its just not my thing so for years he was taking coke at weekends but that was all. Then unfortunately he got a better job and the more money he had the more he did. And the more he did the more it effected our relationship but I didn’t know why and accused him of alcoholism.

Eventually I found out it was cocaine but it was probably too late as our relationship had reached a point of no return. He still lives with us because I am not financially independent but I single parent our son and I hope to get out of the relationship soon – for now I stick to my boundaries as much as I can and we are surviving.

This weekend he had a binge, the mood afterwards was horrendous- he screamed at me for suggesting mcdonalds when he asked what we wanted to eat – after offering us a takeaway. I try not to engage with it because its insane but it gets to me. He has come home the last 2 days and just gone to bed so the Friday binge must have been huge because he has slept all Saturday and Sunday also.

I come on here just to read but I miss my husband and when I am feeling like this all I really want is a hug from him. I hate cocaine!

[ifonly]

Sending hugs I read stories and I have to check if it’s my own post.I’m like you stuck living with him I got poor credit because he just took with false promises to pay me back. I understand the nasties of mood swings it helps from reading on here that it’s not me like he says I snapped on Sunday told him straight he’s an addict needs to get himself help I’m not staying like this anymore he isn’t him anymore x take care

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