[flo123]

My daughter in law is taking cocaine and my son told me she has done this on and off for 6 years. It all came to a head New Year and she claims she has not done it since. As This is a new thing to me is that even possible. I know my son said soon after new year was ok but her behaviour is getting more erratic. He says she can’t be getting anything as he is there most of the time but not all of the time. I’m so worried as kids are involved but not being in the same house means I have to take what my son says as true. To be honest I think I just need to know how long people can go without?

[retroheadz]

Being able to resist cocaine is extremely hard indeed. Getting cocaine is easier than getting paracetamol and the sad fact is that she is almost certainly using regularly without a doubt. Is your son? Has he ever tried it? Short of you testing her you will never know but test kits are ready available and if she is sure of herself she would prove it. But that’s probably a request too far. Anyway, going without cocaine is possible but it’s not really an on and off type of drug so my experience is I would say she’s probably is using on occasions. Users are very professional at hiding! Take care

[flo123]

Thanks. Family members threatened to go to child services as it has got so bad so she did a test from online which she failed. She has refused a 9 month follicle test but she doesn’t need to as this tells me all I need to know. They are at a cross roads together where they may split up but I’m scared stiff if this happens as it may just be her and the kids then. My son is in the army so this could really affect their whole life if it gets out. He is really anti drugs himself because of his job. He says that he hasnt had money go out of the account lately so he thinks she can’t buy any. Would you know how long if she can’t get any that she could go without and surely it’s not best to go cold turkey.

[retroheadz]

Cold Turkey on cocaine isn’t life threatening, isn’t nice but more of a challenge of self power ???? the sad thing is if you want it then you absolutely need it and nothing will stop you buying it, nothing. If your mental health is unbalanced then all you want is cocaine to make you function and I suspect she will still be using but probably in hidden form now and then. This all depends on what level she has been using because it’s easy to get addicted and easy to spend £100+ a day! or £100 a week. I’ve have associates run up 50k in credit cards and loose houses only for a wife to find out a year later that they no longer have a home. It’s painful to watch. I have a child and the only important thing in life is that child! Regardless of my wife, my job or money in the bank so the children in this relationship are top priority above anything. I’m sure your son and you wish that nothing is disclosed but this is not an unusual situation in the forces and help is available for all of you if needed, especially in the forces as addiction with partners is more common than KFC. It’s probably not an option but it can be done without affecting his position but she needs to submit full disclosure and get help, if indeed she is a regular user. Yes she has failed a test but that could be down to what’s called a “cheeky few lines” when she has been out with friends or just hitting rock bottom ( the odd bag of cocaine over 6yrs isn’t an addiction) but I never trust addicts until I see a regular clean test and let’s face it alcohol is far worse than cocaine. The children are no joke in this though and are 1000% top priority over anyone which you already know so let’s hope she’s not a hard and fast user and if they do split then maybe that’s the best option in a toxic situation and your son can keep an eye on her with visiting. Finally, cocaine in my experience has always been a drug that still makes you sneaky in the fact that it’s easy to hide if you have the money and at points in my life I could one minute be Teaching pupils and then doing lines of cocaine in the staff toilet but still be a functional citizen. I don’t work in education now and I don’t use cocaine thankfully so I guess the only option you have is for your son to make the move and split and for you to stand by him or try and make ground with her. She probably just suffers mental health issues and needs professional help. I’m sure nothing I’ve said makes sense but I hope you have success

[publican]

Id encourage not fo split the family up over this. Wife is for life and in times that are tough thats where u step up. Dont think the wedding vows ever say if you are taking drugs to cope im done with you. Pretty sure its lets see how we can support you coping better so that u dont need to go back to black.

[publican]

Ps makes a lot of sense especially the alcohol worse than cocaine comment… And enlightening your confession if taking at work. I agree.

[publican]

The cocaine in tgis situation is now a coping drug/process. Its how shes coped in high good or highly bad situations. Its user feels excited tgey take it, they feel alone they take it. Tge fact its come out means she is ready to change and deep down is asking fir care and support. The less freaked out you get the better as she may stumbke as an alcholic will after rehab but if you express belief in her as your son dies ahe will get stringer have better rekatuons and tgat clutch will dissappear. Love will solve this one. She clearly dies care too as its self infliction of pain rather than inflicting otgers… Sadly eventually we all need help and some cannot express as well.

Much love and good luck with the changes. After every storm tge waves settle and the sea views are stunning.

[publican]

Apologies auto correct is tainted on my phone. Will double check moving forward

[flo123]

Thank you both for an insight I didn’t have before. I think that the use wasn’t regular all through the years but after her second child I think she had post natal depression which I did everything I could to help but I think she started self medicating with it. They have moved a bit further away now but I have reached out to her offering support lately as she had blanked me out if her life for a while. They are supposed to be seeing a marriage counsellor but where my son wants to really work for it she has already asked if they can help if she wants to end the marriage. Only time will see how it all works out I suppose but thank you for replying to this thread and answering a few questions I had nobody else to ask.

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